Risen Anew
by Pandora181900
Summary: On Bella Swan's first day at Forks High, she trips over the door step. The smell of her blood is too much for Edward Cullen, and he snaps. Suddenly, she is thrust into a world she didn't even know existed. Jasper/Bella
1. Welcome to Forks

A/N: This will be a Jasperella, eventually. I enjoy the slow build of tension, and that will be very present in this story. If you enjoy the story, please review! I know that's an old song, but it really is inspiring to get feedback. So, I hope you Enjoy!

DISLAIMER: I do not own nor claim rights to Twilght & it's charaters.

Chapter 1: Welcome to Forks

**Bella:**

I can do this. I can do this.

I stood at the threshold of my new high school and willed myself to step inside.

"C'mon, Bella," I muttered to myself. "Pull it together."

I smoothed my white sleeveless shirt, trimmed high in ivory lace that tickled my throat, and wiped my damp palms down my jeans. I was transferring into Forks High after moving in with my dad. I had lived with my mother, Renee, up till now, but had banished myself to Forks in order give her some space. She was a newlywed and she and her new husband tended to be… loud.

The final warning bell rang and the few students that littered the hallway scuffled off to their first period classes. I peered into the now barren hallway and in my anxious state it seemed to stretch on forever.

I can do this.

Right?

"No time like the present."

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, stepped into the building and immediately tripped over the doorjamb. My eyes flew open as I fell and I saw a white flash as two arms swooped under me and kept me from colliding with the ground. The hands tightened around my wrists and I shivered. They were so cold. I noticed how my light skin no longer looked so white next to the arms of my catcher. They were so pale.

"Thanks, I…" My voice trailed off as I lifted my head and looked into the most beautiful set of topaz eyes I has ever seen. They sparkled like sunlight filtered through ancient amber, and I couldn't remember how to speak, let alone what I had been saying. The most beautiful eyes I had ever seen…

And they glared back at me with immense and unbridled hate.

**Edward:**

What hell is this?

The wisp of a human that had blindly stumbled into my arms lifted her head, and as her hair parted over her face, I breathed in and my throat burned, my eyes narrowed, and venom pooled in my mouth.

It was the most tempting scent I had ever encountered.

It was mouthwatering.

It was horrifying.

I flicked my tongue out and moistened my lips with venom. The girl's slow human eyes followed the motion, and she leaned into my arms more deeply.

_That's right._

I didn't break eye contact as I drew her up and into me. Her eyes fluttered for a moment, and closed. Her head dropped slowly back, stretching her long neck, pale and shot through with light blue veins.

_Goodbye._

I bared my teeth and reached for her pulse point where her blood rushed back and forth, quick with anticipation and fear. No matter how seductive we are, we are still predators and our prey--they always feel that fear. My teeth grazed her neck as I anticipated the moment they would rend her smooth skin and her blood would leak into my mouth. I was just about to snap my jaw shut.

Then she hiccupped.

**Bella:**

If this was the welcoming committee, I think I'm gonna like it here.

My rescuer still had his arms twined around me, and he was just about to ravish me in the middle of the empty hallway.

I wasn't complaining.

I thought he was going to kiss me, but then he twisted and his teeth grazed my neck.

Hey. That works too.

Right as he was about to kiss my neck, all of my nervous energy bubbled up and before I could help it, a tiny hiccup rocked through me.

Before I knew what was happening, I was flying through the air. I collided with a wall of lockers and the momentum made my head snap back hard enough to leave a dent. I crumpled to the floor.

My eyes wouldn't focus. The beautiful boy who had rescued me was a fuzzy outline in the lit doorway. I blinked twice and shut my eyes against the pain. I was slightly dazed. What had just happened?

I reached my hand up to rub where my head had bounced of the lockers. My fingers got tangled in the hair matted with thick blood.

Great. I'm going to get a concussion on my first day of school. I had to admit, its something I would do.

As I gauged the pain to see how I felt about standing up and finding the nurse's office, I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist and hoist me into the air. I was thrown over a hard shoulder and rushed out of the school and across the parking lot at impossible speeds.

My rescuer had become my abductor.

I remembered what had happened and finally had the sense to struggle. He had thrown me against the locker wall like I was a Nerf ball, and now he was sprinting away with me draped over his shoulder.

I took a deep breath and started screaming, twisting, and hitting. He didn't falter in a single step. I arched my back, threw my weight to the side and managed to turn to the poing where I was certain I could land a punch to the side of his face. I balled up my hand and put all of my weight into the swing.

I heard a pop and a crunch when my fingers connected.

I had broken my hand. Shattered it.

I stopped fighting.

I didn't know where I was going, but I was pretty sure I wasn't coming back from wherever it was.

I couldn't even muster the strength to cry.

Welcome to Forks.

**Edward:**

I wanted to laugh. I had come so close to denying myself this insignificant little girl's life. I had shoved her away from me, thinking only of getting away from the hellish temptation.

I had misjudged my strength, and when the skin on her scalp split under the impact of her head against the locker, when the smell of her blood hit the open air, it was decided.

She was mine.

As she lay trying to recover, I grabbed her with one arm and threw her over my shoulder, her limp body slapping against mine with every stride. I didn't care about maintaining human speed. Our cover was finally blown. And it wasn't Alice, who was too proud of her vampiric grace and speed to ever fully play the bumbling human, or Emmett, who kicked field goals from the opposite end zone when he thought none of his mortal classmates were looking, or Rose, who liked to come close enough to the female students to feel their jealousy, to callously infatuate and abandon the males, or even Jasper, for whom the pull of blood was often too much to handle.

It was me.

The perfect son; so calm, so collected, and so damn in control.

I couldn't even bring myself to feel shame. Not even for my father and creator Carlisle.

I just felt relieved.

I was about to break our biggest and only law. I was going to drain this girl until her empty body was light enough to float away on the wind. I was going to end her life and ruin the lives of my family.

And I was thrilled.

I would commit this sin and a weight would be lifted. I would no longer have the impossible expectations. I would no longer be perfect.

I couldn't wait.

I reached a clearing in the forest and dropped the girl to the ground.

I knelt next to her body and saw her chest rising with the quick shallow breaths of absolute panic.

Lovely.

_Should I break her neck, first?_

I considered making it easier for her, ending her life before I drained her of her blood.

No, I was too selfish. I wanted her heart to push her blood into my throat—wanted to feel her pulse falter and stop.

I plunged my teeth into her neck and felt, more than saw, her eyes fly open in shock and pain.

"No…" I heard her faintly whisper.

No.

It was laughable.

I felt the easy tide of blood flow over my tongue. My eyes rolled back and I wanted to moan.

So delicious.

So worth it.

"No," she said again, weaker and farther away.

I felt her heart stutter, catch, and slow down with each beat.

"No…" she exhaled the word and I could feel her begin to descend into defeat, though her eyes never closed.

I was almost finished when something slammed into my side, ripping my teeth from the girl's neck and throwing me against the trunk of an oak. My body jolted the tree and I sunk at least three inches deep into the wood before I stopped.

I looked at my interruption. His eyes were dark with hunger as he stared at the bright blood that coated my mouth and jaw. He was physically shaking with the need to pounce and devour. I could read it in his mind. He wanted nothing more than to finish what I had started.

"Do it." I hissed. "Don't fight the inevitable."

My words did not have the intended effect. He growled, and I read his resolve strengthen. He shoved me back against the tree, harder, and I heard what he was going to say a second before he snarled, unknowingly echoing my victim:

"No."


	2. The End of the Beginning

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor claim any rights to Twilight & it's characters.

Chapter 2: The End of the Beginning

**Jasper:**

I couldn't believe it when sitting in my first period French class I felt the wash of absolute gut-wrenching fear coming from the hallway. In fluent French I asked to be excused, and ran (by human standards) into the hallway in time to see Edward fleeing the building with a nearly-unconscious human girl on his back.

Edward.

All of this time, all of these visions, everyone breathing down my neck making sure I didn't step a toe out of line…

And it's Edward who snaps.

I had no time to feel vindicated, however. I had to stop Edward from killing the girl. If there is anything Carlisle had managed to drill into my thick skull, it was the value of human life.

I took off after him, horrified by the way the girl was smacking dully against Edward's back. As he cleared the parking lot and broke into the forest, I silently cursed his speed which was putting more and more distance between me and the girl who I needed to rescue.

As I entered the forest, I stopped for a moment to determine Edward's direction. I breathed deeply and froze, my muscles contracting with effort. I found Edward's scent heading North, and with it was the luscious smell of fresh spilled human blood. My eyes darkened with need and I took off running to get to the human before Edward finished her, my purpose completely changed.

I wanted her for myself.

My legs blurred beneath me and I broke into the meadow without losing speed. I was heading right for the pale, broken human on the ground when I heard her whimpered plea to Edward.

"No."

At the last minute, I altered my course and slammed into Edward, pushing him across the field and into a tree trunk. I curled one hand around his throat and held him in place, still struggling to get my bloodlust under control.

It was made more difficult by Edward's own raging thirst. My need was compounded with his and the combination was leaving me breathless. My teeth ground against each other as I struggled to hold my own. Then Edward made a mistake.

"Do it." He said, "Don't fight the inevitable."

And suddenly I was hit by all of Edward's emotions. He felt resignation, grim satisfaction, anger, passion, want, need…

But he didn't feel shame.

Edward had no regret for the girl whose heart was straining for each beat, pushing against her looming fate.

I may have killed often and indiscriminately in my past, but I mourned every death. I could see every set of eyes as they glazed and life left them.

I hated myself for what I had done.

And Edward felt smug.

At once, my struggle ceased. I bared my teeth, shoved Edward back and snarled my response.

"No."

The human whimpered and shifted and the smell of her blood hit me fresh again. Edward renewed his struggle, and I fought to keep him pinned.

Then the scent of the human grew stale. It soured in the air. I dropped my hand and Edward remained against the tree though he was captive no longer. We both knew what was coming.

"If you respect him at all, you will go get Carlisle." I said.

Edward hesitated, and I blasted my anger at him.

"Now." I hissed between clenched teeth.

He looked at the girl and dashed toward the hospital.

I knew there were only seconds before it would begin in earnest. I walked over to the girl. Her ruined blood, corrupted by venom, no longer called to my demon as I crouched beside her.

"I am so sorry." I said as I brushed her tangled and blood soaked hair from her smooth, pale forehead.

Her lips parted and I noticed a line of dark, raised track marks where her teeth had broken the skin. Her voice cracked and whistled as her breath ghosted over her raw throat.

"I'm glad it's you." She said, "I wasn't sure, and I'm glad."

My unbeating heart broke for this poor girl, incoherent with pain. I laid my cold hand on an undamaged spot on her forehead, trying to cool the imminent fever.

"I wasn't sure, but now it's you. Now I know. "

Her tongue moistened her cracked lips. Her eyes slowly rose and then locked with mine. I was captivated by the depths of them, how ancient they were in so young a face. She gazed back and I couldn't look away. I brushed a piece of grass from her cheek, and my thumb grazed the corner of her bruised and swollen lip. Her lip moved against my finger as she said,

"Now I know I get to go to heaven."

She trembled in pain for a few moments more, moaning and hitching her breath before her motions ceased and she lay quiet and still on the forest floor, her eyes locked on mine.

Then they unfocused, her back arched violently and she let out a piercing, heart-wrenching scream.

**Bella:**

He was biting me.

He was biting me, hard, and sucking out my blood.

I tried to plead with him, but I couldn't think, couldn't speak.

It seemed like days since I tripped and he caught me.

It seemed like hours since his sharp teeth had sliced through my skin like scissors through paper. Like that's what they were made for.

My energy waned. I was going to die. Here and now. I worried about Charlie. Renee had built another life, but I was all Charlie had.

There was a final burst of pain as his teeth twisted in my neck, destroying the vessels and rending the surrounding tissue. I heard a clap like a sonic boom, and I knew I had to be dead.

The awful pulling crawl of feeling my blood race too quickly in the wrong direction has ceased, but there was still pain. Throbbing pain in my head, in my hand. Unimaginable pain in my neck.

I struggled to focus my eyes, and saw my tormentor pinned against a tree on the other side of the clearing by a man.

No, I corrected myself.

By an angel.

His blond hair was whipping in the wind, and the sunlight lit it like an aura of gold. His pale skin glowed and sparkled, reflected the light like a million mirrors showered in pixie dust.

I was so relieved. I had been a decent person, but was that enough? I could have given more, been more patient, less judgmental. There were so many things that they could hold against me. I was so overwhelmingly grateful that I had passed the test, and my life came out on the positive side of the balance sheet.

"I am so sorry." My angel spoke to me, his voice music without a beat, and the feeling of his cool hands on my face proved God's existence if nothing else did. I had to tell him.

"I'm glad it's you. I wasn't sure, and I'm glad." Even my voice sounded broken, as if my attacker had sucked it from me along with my blood.

"I wasn't sure, but now it's you. Now I know."

I had to see his face; I had to see his eyes. I struggled to look up, but when I met his gaze it was all worth it. His eyes were endlessly dark, the color of cold honey in a pail, raw and sweet. His hand rested on my face, his thumb brushing against my lips. I wanted to melt into him, and leave the pain, the growing, overwhelming pain. I could feel it rising in me, burning me away from within and leaving an empty shell in its wake. I had to tell the angel before the fire burned me away completely.

"Now I know I get to go to heaven."

There. Now I could let the pain come. Through the rising tide of panic, I kept my eyes locked on my angel's. But as the heat built higher and higher, my vision began to blur.

No.

Let me keep my angel.

Please.

I don't need anything else.

Don't take him.

My vision burned brightly for a moment, and I stopped moving as I struggled to lock the vision of my angel away, to memorize the details of his face before the blackness that edged my sight overwhelmed it.

Then the darkness came, and with it the most overwhelming and excruciating pain I had ever felt. This couldn't be heaven. Heaven could never hurt this much. Where was my angel now?

My body arched, beyond my control, my mouth opened and I screamed.


	3. Mending

DISCLAIMER: I don't own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight & it's characters.

**A/N:** Thanks to those who reviewed! Such quick feedback is what motivated me to write this chapter today instead of doing 'real work'. This chapter is longer (2k+, people!) and only one perspective—lemme know if works for you! As always- Enjoy!

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Chapter 3: Mending

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**Jasper:**

She thought I was an angel.

I was stunned.

This little girl must have had an absolutely terrifying life if I was her idea of an angel.

A particularly raw scream ripped from the girl's lips and I snapped out of my daze.

"Damn it, Edward." He should have been back with Carlisle by now. I didn't know how to help her by myself. I had tried projecting calm upon her, but the calm didn't negate the pain. I had tried to make her tired, hoping sleep would dull the burn, but the pain was too strong for her to come anywhere near unconsciousness. In my distress I had even tried euphoria, hoping that the happiness would help her come to terms with the pain. It was only during euphoria that she began to cry, the tears turning dust to mud on her cheeks.

I gave up after that.

I still couldn't believe that Edward had slipped.

No, slipped isn't strong enough. He had slipped, landed on an upturned knife and cut both his feet off.

I sighed. If only.

Who was she? Who was she that she could break decades of unwavering devotion to Carlisle's beliefs in an instant? What could she have possibly done in the few minutes between when I left Edward at the start of school and when I saw him leaving with her, already injured, slung over his back? How would anyone go about provoking a vampire to that point?

I looked at her again, her face contorted with pain, eyes shining with unshed tears, body clenched and twitching involuntarily. Her hands were clenched so tightly that her short nails had carved bloody grooves into her palms. I gently unfurled her fingers and let them curl tightly around my thumbs, her still-human strength barely registering.

"Who are you?" I asked her.

I lifted my head as Carlisle ran into the clearing, stopped beside me and pulled medical instruments from his bag. He took her temperature, her pulse, and her blood pressure before turning to me.

"She's been bitten." He said.

I bit back a sarcastic comment. Oh, no. You really think so?

"Yes." I said instead.

I could feel disappointment and sympathy pouring off Carlisle in waves. He removed a few antibacterial wipes from his bag and set about removing some of the blood and debris from the girl's multiple wounds. I wanted to scoff. Antibacterial wipes. Upside to being a vampire #1: Infections? Not so much a problem anymore.

I noticed Carlisle was avoiding making eye contact, so I projected concern and confusion at him. He took a deep breath before saying,

"Jasper, I know how hard you have tried, and I promise you that we will get through this. I know it doesn't seem big now, but I am very proud you managed to stop before—"

"Hold on there!" I finally managed to gather myself enough to cut him off.

"Edward didn't tell you?" I asked.

"Tell me what?" Carlisle asked.

I shouldn't be pleased about this. I shouldn't be pleased about this. I shouldn't be pleased about this.

"Edward is the one who bit her. And he wasn't going to stop; I had to physically remove him from the girl. He would have drained her dry."

I immediately felt remorse. Carlisle was winded. He stopped his ministrations on the human and stared at me, his eyes darting back and forth between mine.

"Edward?" he asked.

I tried to have a little more sympathy.

'Yes, Edward. He was completely feral. I don't know what happened but I've never seen him like that before. Something made him snap. He seemed to come back a little when the venom hit the human's system and her blood stopped smelling so… delicious."

Carlisle looked back at the broken human writhing on the ground, shrieking in utter torture.

"Edward…"

I had never seen Carlisle so crushed in my entire life. I couldn't bear to look at him while his beliefs about his oldest son, his trust and faith crumbled around him. I turned my attention instead to the frail human in front of me. There had to be something I could do. Calm didn't work, nether did lethargy or joy…

How about love?

I thought about it. It was worth a shot. Love was almost more than an emotion. It suggested a purpose, something to live for. And that's really what the little human needed to feel right now. Like this pain is conquerable. Like she has something to live for.

I caught myself. Well, almost live for, I amended.

I gave it a shot. I blasted her with the most potent love I had.

It fucking worked. Her eyes shot open and I could have sworn that, at least for a second, she looked right at me. Her breathing slowed down and she went from screaming aloud to moaning and wincing in pain.

Hey. It was an improvement.

Carlisle looked at me.

"What did you just do?" he asked.

For some reason I felt uncomfortable with the truth.

"I just calmed her down."

Carlisle looked so proud,

"Jasper, that's remarkable! Think of the possibilities! To be able to ease the suffering of transition. Do you see what that could mean? If you can control one area of vampire nature, what's to say you couldn't control another?"

I thought about what he meant.

"The thirst?"

"Exactly! Oh, we have to try and test—I mean as soon as the girl…"

I thought I was going to hurl. I felt worse than Edward in that moment. I had lied, and Carlisle was looking at me with more trust and appreciation than he ever had before.

I couldn't stand it.

I needed a reason to leave.

"Are we staying in Forks?" I asked Carlisle.

"What?" I must have interrupted his train of thought.

"After she's done, are we gonna leave? Or are we staying in Forks?"

Carlisle seemed concerned.

"I think we have to prepare for both possibilities. On one hand, we may have exposed ourselves,"

Edward may have exposed us.

"And so leaving would be advisable, if not necessary. On the other hand, is it fair to uproot this poor girl on top of everything else she is going to have to go through?"

"So for now, we plan for both." I said.

"Yes." Carlisle seemed lost in thought.

My training kicked in, and I couldn't help but stand a little straighter as I rattled off the most important details.

"Okay, first we need to fake a death. Something that won't require a corpse, or much of one. I need to get back to class, and you need to call in and get Edward excused for the day. We need to find out if there were any witnesses and handle them, and we need to find out who this girl is, who she's left behind, who's going to worry. But most importantly, we need to get her somewhere safe."

Carlisle immediately hopped on board.

"I can fake the death and procure a substitute body, if necessary. We need to know if she was seen at the school so we know what story will be most plausible. And the witnesses?" Carlisle sighed, "It would be much simpler if Edward could help."

"Edward can't be trusted." I barked. Carlisle's face fell.

"At least right now. We can't risk digging a deeper hole than the one we're already standing in."

Carlisle accepted that.

"Then you handle getting back to class and finding any witnesses. I'll get her back to the house, then begin to work on a car crash; that's the safest bet unless you tell me otherwise."

I nodded my agreement.

"I'll call you as soon as I learn anything." I said. Carlisle coughed and looked at my hand.

"I'm going to have to set that." He gestured to my fingers, which were still intertwined with the human's.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." I peeled my hands away from hers, feeling for once my chill in the absence of her heat.

As Carlisle set her crushed fingers into place, I took off for the school, rubbing my hands together to get the unusual feeling off of my skin.

"Call the others!" I shouted over my shoulder. Carlisle raised a hand in acknowledgement and bent back over the girl.

I slid into French class, disrupting the horribly butchered attempts by the students to ask for directions to the library. I beckoned the French teacher over, and she scurried to see what I needed.

"Jasper?" she asked.

"Est-ce que je peux être excusé de la classe?," I asked, "Je ne me sens pas bien."

I would like to say it was my flawless French that won her over, but if I'm being honest, I was pouring on the nearly endless amounts of charm and charisma at my disposal.

"Naturellement!" The teacher responded with a half smile. She reached her hand to my shoulder and began lightly stroking my arm.

"And if there's anything I can do?" Then, swear to fucking god, the sixty-something, gray haired, tight as nails, Madame Jones batted her eyelashes at me.

This day could not get more bizarre.

"You know, I'm gonna be okay. But thanks...for…that." I walked out of the classroom, my skin fairly crawling.

I went back to the hallway where Edward had accosted the human. Oh jeez. The fucking locker had an indent where her head hit. And, fantastic. More blood.

I held my breath as I wiped the blood off with my button down shirt. I snapped open the locker and popped out the dent before closing the locker, and throwing out my bloody shirt. It wouldn't pass vampire inspection, but a human wouldn't see anything amiss.

By the door to the hallway was a plain canvas backpack, lying abandoned on the floor.

"And…? We have a winner." I pulled out a wallet, and looked at the ID inside. There she was.

"One Miss Isabella Swan. Organ donor. Arizona? Interesting..." I put the wallet back in the bag and slung it over my shoulder. I pulled out my cell phone, restricted my number, and called the school from memory.

"Forks High, how may I direct your call?"

I tried to make my voice rougher and nondescript.

"This is Mr. Swan, checking to see if my daughter Isabella came to school today." I shook my head. It was the best I could come up with under pressure.

"Oh, Hi Chief Swan!" Chief? "Lemme check for you….well, attendance sheets aren't in yet, but I don't think Isabella ever made it—she never finished her registration or picked up her class schedule."

Finished registration? Oh my god, it was her first day. I had to admit, even when Edward screwed up, he did it well. This Isabella girl had no ties here.

"Thank you so much, ma'am. I sure appreciate it." I winced as my southern drawl crept in and hung up the phone before the secretary noticed. Now for witnesses.

I spent the next half an hour, immersed in the emotions of the population of the high school. I was alert for panic or distress. While I found a couple people taking pop quizzes they weren't prepared for, and one girl crying in a bathroom over her boyfriend's infidelity, I didn't find anyone freaking out because Edward Cullen had abused a strange girl in the hallway during first period.

Edward was lucky.

Before I left for the house, I checked to make sure my siblings had all been excused from school. I peeked quickly into each class window just long enough to see that Carlisle had gotten in touch with them all.

I began the run home, thinking all the while. We had had close calls in the past, mostly my fault if I was going to be honest. This felt different, somehow. Part of it was being on the clean-up crew instead of the wrecking crew; it still felt strange to be trusted with the responsibility of dealing with Edward's mess. But that wasn't it. Every near miss, every accident in the past: We had been forewarned. We had known that it was coming. Where was the forewarning this time? Where was the premonition?

I increased my speed to the house.

Where was Alice?


	4. Seeing

DISCLAIMER: I don't own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight & it's characters.

A/N: Thanks for the feedback so far. I love hearing what people think of my work! As always, reviews make me smile. Also, I don't yet have a beta. I think I can manage without one, but beta'd work is always so much cleaner! If anyone really wants to beta, let me know.

Enjoy :)

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Chapter 4: Seeing

**Edward:**

I couldn't feel regret for what I'd done. I was still wearing her blood like a perverse necktie; it stained my collar and seeped down, dying the white cotton. I felt ashamed and embarrassed, even disappointed in myself.

But I didn't feel regret.

I was so glad to be done with it.

It didn't help that I could still feel her blood pushing through me. It was still warm and so much stronger than any blood I could remember tasting before. While I had been draining her, I had felt her pulse beat inside of me.

It was the closest thing I had ever felt to being alive.

I fisted my hands as the girl screamed upstairs in Carlisle and Esme's bedroom. Carlisle had brought her here about twenty minutes ago. He didn't even stop when he saw me in the threshold of the living room.

I may not have felt regret, but I still wanted to help my victim. She didn't deserve what she was going to awaken to.

Carlisle's thoughts devastated me. He raced through words and images, leaving no time for a coherent expression to form. Then he walked up the stairs, and as he disappeared I heard him think,

_I never thought it would be you._

I sat on the ground, completely stunned.

Wow.

I knew it was coming; I just didn't expect Carlisle's disappointment to hurt me so much. I had rebelled against Carlisle's way of life before, and I had never felt so alone and abandoned as I did now. Air dragged through my lungs, and it felt thick. Each breath was shaky and took monumental effort. I stopped breathing altogether, preferring the sensory deprivation to the too-human struggle for air.

Soon after, I heard Jasper running through the underbrush, snapping branches with abandon. The sounds of his footfalls were quickly drowned out by his single screaming thought:

_ALICE!_

I quickly mentally searched through the house, and I heard Alice's thoughts from her position next to the changing human. Alice's thoughts hadn't changed since Carlisle had brought the girl in.

_…sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…_

Alice had always sympathized with the humans, seen them as little pets—cute playthings that didn't last very long. It hadn't surprised me that she mourned this girl's pain; to her it was like finding a baby bird, struggling for breath, and holding it until it can no longer draw breath.

I met Jasper at the door.

"Alice is fine," I said, "she is with the human and—"

He shoved past me and ran upstairs, following the girl's cries. I often wondered what it was like to have Jasper's talent. I didn't hear him think about it; it was so intrinsic to who he was that he thought about it as often as humans thought about breathing. Every so often, I would catch him analyzing the emotions around him, but usually he just absorbed and processed them on some deeper, more subconscious level, and his thoughts continued on elsewhere.

I listened as Jasper opened the door, and Alice looked up as he entered the bedroom. I heard her thought as she took in the look on his face. I dashed upstairs, her words echoing in my head:

_He knows_.

**Jasper:**

I had been terrified. Alice would have seen something, anything. For her to have been so completely absent… I didn't know what to think. Was she hurt? I had driven to school with her in the morning. What could have happened in ten minutes? Isabella's screams reached my ears, impossibly far from the house even by vampire standards.

A lot, I remembered. A lot could happen in ten minutes.

Edward was waiting for me when I reached the front door.

"Alice is fine." I heard nothing else. I had latched on to her emotions and was following them up the stairs, into Carlisle and Esme's room where she sat with the human.

I felt her guilt. Lots and lots of guilt.

I rested my hand on the doorknob for a moment before gripping and turning it. I was afraid of the conversation that would wait for me behind the door. Alice rarely felt remorse. She knew the outcome of every decision she'd make before she had to make it. Precognition aside, it wasn't in Alice's nature to dwell on the past. She existed in the moment, whatever that moment might be. The overwhelming nature of this quilt was so not…not Alice. I couldn't fathom what she possibly could have done.

I opened the door. Alice looked up from her position next to Isabella where she was holding her hands the same way I had in the forest. It seemed so long ago, but it must have only been minutes. Just minutes.

Alice looked at me. I was stunned. I had never seen Alice less than pristine, from the minute I met her in the diner. Though she was still that special kind of vampire gorgeous, flakes of crusted mascara rested on her cheeks, and her eyeliner had been smeared under her eyes and across her temples, like she had been rubbing her eyes to hold back the tears that would never come.

She opened her mouth and her lower lip trembled.

'I-I…" She blew out a breath, closed her eyes and set her shoulders. After a second, she looked back up at me.

"I was selfish." She said.

Edward was suddenly behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and lightly pushed us both into the room, shutting the door behind himself. Despite the screaming human, it seemed suddenly quiet.

I glanced over at Edward, and saw him struggling to remain still. His hands were clenched, the tendons in his arms and neck were taut, his teeth ground against each other and he was shaking. Head to toe.

I looked back at Alice who was staring at her hands, still clutching Isabella's.

"I'm so, so sorry." She whispered.

"How could you, Alice?" Edward hissed between his teeth.

Alice looked at Edward.

"You don't understand. She will be my best friend." She looked back down.

"I'm going to love her."

"And?" Edward demanded. "Did you think for a fucking second about what this would do to me? To Carlisle? To her?"

Edward didn't wait for a response. He fled from the room, and seconds later I heard the front door slam. I looked back and saw Alice tuck a piece of Isabella's hair behind her ear. The truth suddenly hit me.

"When I realized you were missing," I said slowly, "I thought you were hurt. I thought something had happened. I didn't know what could keep you from stopping Edward the way you've always been there to stop me. I was terrified. I couldn't imagine where you were…" I trailed off in shock.

Alice began rocking back and forth.

"She's going to be so happy with us." She smiled at Isabella, "She's going to be so happy."

"You saw." I said. Alice didn't reply.

"You saw Edward attack her," I continued, "and you let it happen. He could have killed her!"

"I saw you stop him." She said.

"Are—are you kidding me? That's the best you've got?"

"The future I saw," Alice's words gushed out, "you have no idea how perfect it was. She was made for this family. We are going to be so happy with her. I made a judgment call—"

"It wasn't your fucking call to make!" I was furious. I was angrier with Alice then I had been with Edward. Edward had been overwhelmed by a bloodlust that he had no defenses against. His demon had taken over and the rational person was no longer in control. Alice was as culpable in taking the life of this little girl, if not more so, because she had a choice. And she deliberately and selfishly chose to let this girl die.

"You don't get to pick and chose, Alice. You don't get to decide what visions to share with us and what ones to ignore. You made a fucking judgment call? You should have told us. You chose what was best for you, Alice. How do you intend to be Isabella's friend, when the first thing you're going to have to do when she wakes up is explain how you could have prevented all of it? All this pain…" I looked at the human. "You caused this."

"She going to be so happy." Alice said. "So happy." I no longer knew who she was trying to convince. I had had enough. I stormed out of the room.

"You better fucking hope so."

.

I sat by Isabella as the final hour of her transformation slowly came to a finish. The past three days had been some of the longest of my immortal life. When everyone was finally gathered, Carlisle and I had explained what happened. Emmett and Esme were distraught, but I wasn't prepared for Rosalie's reaction. She had lunged at Alice, and before anyone could stop her, she had tackled her to the ground, grabbed her hair, pulled and then slammed Alice's head against the hardwood floor.

"You stole her life!" Rosalie said. "You selfish bitch." As strong as Emmett was, he almost needed help peeling Rose off Alice. Alice had pulled away from the family then and stopped trying to convince us she made the right decision.

Emmett had a lot of fun planting the car crash and staging Isabella's death. He drove her truck off a road and into a tree by a fast river, then he let the momentum throw him through the front windshield and into the water. We had stripped off Isabella's shoes and planted them a mile and a half downstream. I don't think they will wait to find a body before declaring her legally dead, but as of yet the investigation is ongoing. The extended search might have something to do with the fact that her father is Chief Charlie Swan, head of the Forks police department and Isabella is his only child. When I mentioned this to the family, Alice felt the need to contribute.

"Oh, Charlie. She'll miss him." We had all looked at her, but no one had anything to say. We were getting used to not having much to say to Alice.

In fact, I hadn't spoken to her for two days, but this morning she had come into the bedroom where I was sitting with Isabella. Alice had kneeled on the floor next to my chair and pleaded with me.

"I don't need them, the others can be angry at me, that's okay. But Jazz," she grabbed my hand, "I can't stand it that you're upset. Please, I'll do anything. I need you."

I took my hand back.

"Look, Alice. I know that I'll forgive you eventually. But right now, I can't see that happening for a very long time. Honestly, I—" I searched for the right words, "I can't do this right now. I'm working on cleaning up your enormous mess. I just can't believe that you did this. I thought I knew you. I thought I knew what you were capable of, but I never thought that included murder."

Alice started to speak, but I cut her off.

"Alice, what if she doesn't adapt to this life? I know you've seen this fucking sunshine and daisies future for us all, but that's a million precarious decisions from now. What if something changes and Bella can't deal with just animal blood? What if she doesn't want to? Are you going to be the one to put her down? Could you?"

Alice rocked back on her heels, her eyes wide and her mouth agape.

"That won't happen." She shook her head.

"It could, Alice."

"Jasper, please!" She grabbed the arm of the chair. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"Alice. Don't. I'm trying to be honest, and I honestly don't think I can be with you right now. I just… I can't get beyond how strongly I misjudged you."

"Please! How can I make it up to you? I—" Alice's words cut short, her eyes went blank and her body snapped to attention. "Oh…" she relaxed out of the state that her premonitions brought.

"Oh." She looked at Isabella, then me, then back to her.

"God has a twisted sense of humor." She muttered.

"I know how to make this up to you." She said, "I'm going to go. I'll—" She looked at Isabella, "I'll know when to come back. I want you to know that this is hard for me, and I want you to know I'm doing it for you."

I thought she was looking for attention.

"I'm not going to stop you, if that's what you want."

"I know," Alice said. "I love you and… I'll see you soon. Tell the others I truly am sorry."

When I looked up, she had already gone.

Now I sat with Isabella. The rest of the family was downstairs, waiting for the moment when she would stop screaming, stop living, and join us as a vampire.

Isabella gasped for air. I heard her heart beat speed up and splutter as it tried vainly to combat the creeping venom. It gave one last double beat and lay silent. Then her body crawled as the venom, without her heart to battle, made short work of the rest of her body. Her skin paled and strengthened, her eye teeth elongated into fangs, and everywhere that was soft and human grew tight and sharp. Cheekbones, hipbones. She still looked like the girl I had found dying in the woods, but now? Now she was a vampire. Thirteen seconds later, Isabella's eyes opened, as red as the blood she would need to survive. She looked straight at me.

"Hey, there." I said.


	5. Waking

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight & its characters.

A/N: Story traffic is addictive. It's like writer's crack, honestly. Just thought you should know.

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Chapter 5: Waking

**Bella:**

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was my angel.

He's beautiful.

What happened to me?

I remember pain. Lots of pain.

But there was something else, something that made the pain all right.

There was love.

I don't know where the love had come from, but for a moment it had been so overwhelming that the pain didn't matter. Nothing mattered but that love. Even when I couldn't feel it anymore, I could handle the pain because I had this love waiting for me. And that was worth it.

My throat itched.

Why couldn't I focus? I felt like I had about a million things going on in my head.

Oh my god.

The angel.

The field.

The guy who ripped out my throat

I'm… dead?

"Hey, there."

Wow. His voice was perfect. It was husky and warm and I could almost feel it humming through me. I wanted to tell my angel so.

"I think—" My hand flew to my neck and my eyes widened. What was that?

_My_ voice was perfect. It was melodic and lilting, kind of throaty and very sexy.

That's not how I sound. Don't get me wrong, I have a fine voice if no one asks me to sing. But this voice was pure phone-sex, something my old voice never came close too. Even when that's what I was going for.

Wait a second. I rubbed my fingers up and down the column of my throat. That's not my skin. It was flawless, soft, and strong. What the hell was going on?

I pushed my self into a sitting position so quickly that my head should have been spinning. But I felt fine. More than fine.

I tried to take stock of myself. I felt good. I mean… I felt really good. But more overwhelming than the strength and power that I felt, was the lack of any discomfort. Not only had I been in, from what I could remember, a pretty serious amount of pain, but I couldn't remember a time when there hadn't been something wrong with me. There has always been some sort of tightness, ache, or stretch that drew, at the least, a minimal amount of attention to itself. There was none of that. Nothing was out of order. I felt… I felt brand new.

The minute I stopped self-reflecting and began to investigate my surroundings, I was inundated by stimuli. I started having a panic attack. The light was too bright, the shadows too dark, and there was way too much in between the two. The edges of everything seemed way too sharp, as if I was wearing someone else's prescription glasses, but at the same time, every thing seemed slightly off, like I was looking through a screen door. As the film over the room moved and blinked, I realized it was dust motes. For a moment I was fascinated. I could see the currents of wind in the room, and how they pushed the dust around, how they made it flicker—it was like a daytime version of _Starry Night_.

Then a gunshot snapped me out of my reverie. I huddled in the bed searching, panicked, for the shooter. My angel was immediately next to me, his hands hovering over my shoulders like he wanted to touch me, but couldn't.

"It's just the TV downstairs, some cop show."

I'm sorry, downstairs? That didn't sound like any TV I had every heard. The gun had sounded like I'd been the one pulling the trigger. But even as I thought this, I heard the dialogue between some rough and tumble cops filter up to me. I could recognize the high quality of the speakers playing the show, but I could also hear every crackle and pop of distortion.

Then I realized I had been hyperventilating for several minutes, but I wasn't light headed. I slowed my breathing back to regular speed. Then I slowed my breathing to deep, deliberate breaths. Then I just stopped.

Nothing happened.

I really am dead.

Am I a ghost? Because I never thought heaven would host marathons of CSI.

I didn't want to be a ghost. Hanging around, seeing everything, but feeling nothing? I didn't have any unfinished business, I had told my parents I loved them enough. I couldn't be a ghost. I wouldn't be. I had to touch something, to prove that I could. I had to make sure.

I shot my hands out, grabbed my angel's hair and slammed my forehead against his.

Ow. That kind of hurt.

I gasped, drawing in breath and my angel's scent. Wow. He smelled… heavenly.

Wait. That had hurt! I pulled my head back.

"I'm not a ghost!" I said.

My angel looked amused.

"No." He said slowly. "No, you're not."

"Am I dead?"

He didn't look so amused then.

"No…" This was said even more slowly. So slowly that to my apparently bionic ears it sounded like 'yes'.

I must have looked skeptical because my angel was quick to speak.

"I'm sorry, let me introduce myself. I'm Jasper."

I'm not sure why, but it felt like a weird scenario to be making introductions.

"Bella." I said.

"Mmm, that fits better." I heard him say, way too quickly and quietly. I shouldn't have been able to hear him at all. But I could.

"Beg pardon?" I said.

He looked startled. "Oh yeah. You heard that. I'm not really used to anyone outside the family being able to..." He trailed off.

"What the hell is going on?" I immediately regretted my word choice. If this was some kind of entrance test to heaven, I wasn't doing so great.

"Well…" He hesitated. I saw him warring with himself, deciding what to tell me. As he opened his mouth to speak, I heard a male voice shout from downstairs:

"Jasper, NO!"

My angel—Jasper—spoke anyway.

"Bella, you're a vampire."

.

**Jasper:**

"Jasper, NO!"

Edward had heard what I was going to say before I said it. He tried to stop me from just blurting it out, but I couldn't keep Bella in the dark. Bella. It felt so much better than Isabella. This girl in front of me; she was a Bella.

And a vampire.

And I had to tell her.

"Bella, you're a vampire." For a moment, she felt nothing. Then, her emotions shot through the whole spectrum, from anger to disbelief and everything in between before finally settling on the one I expected least.

Humor.

She started laughing and it was so contagious that I had to join in. I don't know what I had expected, but this wasn't it. Suddenly, the laughter stopped and the humor left her, replaced instead with an all encompassing fear. Bella's eyes were wide and she was staring at the door to the room. I followed her gaze.

Edward.

"Get out." I growled. He didn't move. "Leave."

Edward looked at Bella and took two steps forward.

"Don't." I warned.

Edward looked at me.

"I—I can't read her." He said, and he turned and left.

That was interesting. I probably would have wanted to speak to him about it if I hadn't been so fucking pissed at him.

_We'll talk later,_ I thought to Edward.

I didn't relax until I heard the front door open and close. Bella relaxed, too, before she realized what had calmed her down.

"I heard the front door. From all the way… here. Where ever I am now. How can I do that? Are there other people in the house? Where am I?"

Her newly multi-layered vampire consciousness was throwing more information at her than she could process. She still thought like a human although her brain worked like a vampire's. It would take a while for her to operate like the rest of us, absorbing and concentrating all of the information into a single usable flow.

"Your hearing, among other things, improves when you are a vampire. And then yes, and my house, to answer your questions in order."

She nodded for a second and seemed to soak the truth of her new state in. Then she peeked up at me.

"Hearing _among_ other things? What other things?"

I steeled myself and gestured to the mirror. She walked over and stared at herself. Her fingertips trailed over her nose, her lips, the tips of her teeth, her ears, her hair. She touched the collar of the lace shirt she still wore. Everyone had been afraid to move her lest they increase her suffering, so she was wearing the same clothes she had chosen for the first day of school three days ago. Her shirt was stiff with the dark brown-red of old blood. Her hands trailed back up her neck and rested, cupping her face. She stared at her red eyes for a painful amount of time. I felt the urge to go to her, hold her, and explain that everything would be okay.

"I'm a monster." She said.

"Oh, no. Bella."

I walked toward her with my hand outstretched, but when I grazed her shoulder, she flinched and shrugged me off.

"Who else is here?" She asked. "You said there were other people here?"

I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to me.

"I don't bite." I said, and instantly regretted it.

"You don't, but I do." She sat next to me.

"Bella, what do you think I am?" She looked up at me.

"Aren't you…" she let her words trail off.

"Bella, I'm a vampire, too." I said. She turned to look more fully at me.

"But—your eyes…?"

"I don't drink human blood. Your eyes will be like mine soon, too, as long as you only drink animal blood."

Before I could say anything else, Bella had thrown her arms around my neck and was squeezing with all of her newborn strength.

"I knew, knew, _knew_ you couldn't be an evil vampire. I just _knew_ it."

She didn't know anything. The path that had led me here, led me to my self-imposed vegetarianism, was littered with mistakes and slip-ups.

Bella pulled away and I felt disappointed. The first time I had touched her, her warmth had saturated my skin. She would never be warm again. We took that from her.

"Hey." Bella pouted. "You distracted me. I asked who else was here."

"Well," I said, "there's my father and mother, Carlisle and Esme, my sister Rosalie and my other brother, Emmett."

"Your _other_ brother? So the…vampire who was just here… the one who attacked me…is your _brother_?" Bella started pushing away from me, backing towards the headboard of the bed.

"Edward… slipped. He's a veg—he doesn't drink human blood. Normally. I don't know what happened. None of us do. But what he did, to you, I promise: that isn't him."

My words weren't having any effect. Bella was withdrawing inside herself. Normally I would let her cope and process all this new information her own way, but it was too soon for her to try and figure out anything out by herself. I had to explain certain things before her thirst overwhelmed her rational side. I needed Bella here with me, for now.

I projected peace and contentment at Bella. She smiled as she soaked up the emotions, then quickly frowned and sat straight up.

"What is that?" She asked. "What's going on?"

"What's what?" I knew it was a little third grade, but her question had startled me.

"Jasper." She looked at me knowingly.

"Oh, yeah. That. Well," I tried to figure out how to explain my power, something I hadn't had to do in decades, "That's kind of this ability I have?" My voice rose at the end, so it sounded like a question. Bella pounced on it.

"Is it? You don't sound too sure there, buddy."

"It is." I would have flushed if I could. "I can project and read emotions."

Bella looked contrite, and I could almost see her trying to remember what she had been feeling since she woke up.

"Wait. When I was, well, changing? Was that you? The…um…" Bella looked at her hands.

"The love?" I supplied. Bella nodded. "Yeah, that was me."

"So it wasn't… real?"

Now I looked at my hands. "I mean, what you felt was real. I was just trying to, I dunno, help with the transition?" Again, my voice betrayed me. "I…what I mean is—"

"Jasper, would Bella like to join us downstairs?" Carlisle spoke quietly from downstairs, directing his question at me so Bella wouldn't freak.

I looked at Bella with raised eyebrows.

She looked terrified. I had never seen a vampire so self-conscious before in my life. I felt protective of her. I knew what it was like being the newest vampire in a coven, having the pressure to learn more quickly, to have better self-control.

I reached out my hand toward her.

"I'll be with you the whole time." I said.

She looked at me, nodded, and took my hand. As we walked downstairs, even though I knew it was impossible, I could have sworn her hand felt warm in mine.


	6. Welcome Home

A/N: I am trying to do daily updates, and if I slack off feel free to kick my ass. In fact, please do. Take right now, for example. I should be writing my essay that's due tomorrow, but the little 'Review Added' emails I've been getting totally trump my professor's deadline.

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Chapter 6: Welcome Home

**Bella:**

I didn't want to do this. Everything felt so surreal. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, but I'd never descended a staircase more quickly in my life. Just as I was marveling over my new coordination, I tripped and rode down the last four steps on my butt.

The group of strangers in the living room gawked at me, and then one who looked like he could be a professional wrestler started cracking up.

"That was hilarious! Oh, she's gonna be a riot!" He walked over, placed his hands on my shoulders, and lifted me up. He held me in the air and the way he looked at me with his head cocked to one side made me feel like a dress he was considering buying, although the thought of this hulking guy in a dress brought a smile to my face.

When he set me down, I straightened my tattered and bloody shirt, trying to maintain some semblance of decorum.

"I'm sorry." I began. "I've always been really clumsy. My feet just can't seem to get out of each other's way."

"Yeah, when you were a human!" The big guy scoffed. "But a clumsy vampire? Now I've seen everything."

Jasper turned and took my hand in his. I felt suddenly calm, and I knew it was his 'talent' at work. The problem with his artificial emotions was their purity. Real emotions were always so complicated—never as straightforward as the ones Jasper provided. I looked at Jasper gratefully though, happy to have a moment to regain my composure.

Jasper looked at the bulked up vampire. "You know that different people bring different traits from their mortal lives to their immortal ones. Emmett, have you ever seen another vampire beside yourself built like Sloth?" This was Emmett, then. I looked at the other blond vampire in the room. Carlisle, if I remembered correctly. Jasper's 'father'.

I didn't know how vampire heritage worked. Would Carlisle also be considered my father? Or would that be—his name felt sour in my mind—Edward?

Emmett shrugged off the Goonies reference and continued, "But clumsiness? Yeah, sure, my awesome strength and hot bod were my most predominant human characteristics." He flexed a little and I had the urge to giggle. He continued, "But the most overwhelming and dominant trait of her human life was _clumsiness_?"

Oh god, I hoped not. I had had enough troubles with my non-existent coordination for the past 17 years; I didn't want to spend an eternity tripping in front of what—from what I could —appeared to be extremely graceful people.

Jasper turned to me apologetically. "If you have an ability, it shouldn't manifest for a few months. Some vampires don't get abilities at all. They just retain some trait from their human life. In fact," Jasper smirked at the group, "I'm the only one here with any type of super power."

The curvy blond wiggled her fingers and raised her eyebrows. "And we are all so _so_ impressed." She stood up and walked over to me. "I'm Roaslie," she said, "and this Neanderthal," she smacked Emmett across the chest, "is my husband, Emmett."

My mouth was open before I could stop myself, "Husband? But aren't you are both Jasper's siblings?"

Emmett laughed again. "I like her. I really, really do." He turned to me. "You can stay."

I was a little shell-shocked. I didn't even know there was a chance I _wouldn't_ be able to stay.

The two more mature looking vampires came over. They didn't look any older than Jasper, Emmett or Rosalie, but they seemed wiser and more reserved.

The woman spoke first. "I'm Esme," she said as she grasped both of my hands in hers. "We are all so pleased to meet you."

If she hadn't been so honestly genuine, I would have tried to find sarcasm in her words; the way she spoke sounded like I had come for dinner instead of forever. As it was, her earnestness was charming; I couldn't help the smile on my face.

"It's nice to meet you, too." I said, and instinct compelled me to kiss her cheek. When I pulled back, she smilde and it made her face light up.

The man reached for my hand next. "I'm Carlisle. Welcome to our home. We hope you will remain with us for a long time." Carlisle's face conveyed pleasure at our meeting, but his eyes seemed troubled and weary. Whether these concerns pertained to me, or whether they were the result of many lifetimes of experience, I didn't know.

A beeper went off. Carlisle released my hand and reached into his pocket.

"That's the hospital." He said. "I have to go. It truly was lovely to meet you."

He was a doctor? A vampire doctor? A gorgeous vampire doctor?

I'd woken up in a bad soap opera.

"Are you thirsty? Let's go hunting. Let's race!" Emmett was practically bouncing with excitement.

"I don't know. Am I thirsty?" I asked Jasper.

"How does your throat feel? Does it burn?" he replied.

I thought about it. "A little?" I said. "It burns a little. Kind of like, I dunno, like I took a shot of something. Straight."

Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett all looked a little taken aback.

Emmett spoke first. "Really? Like… that's it?"

I was quick to reply, 'Wait, is that weird, too?" I sighed. Great. Even as I vampire I was a freak.

Jasper said to me, "No, it's impressive. Newborns, um… the newly turned… usually have an overwhelming thirst for blood. Your restraint is… puzzling, yes. But mostly it's just impressive."

Emmett pounced forward and grabbed my hand, dragging me out the door.

"Epic control or not, we're going hunting." Rosalie came with us, but Jasper stayed inside. As I was dragged down the steps of the porch, I stumbled and Emmett had to pull hard on my hand to keep me upright.

"It's never gonna get old." He chuckled.

**Jasper:**

Emmett dragged Bella and Rosalie hunting. I wanted to go, but I had to speak to Esme first.

"Are they still searching for her?" I asked.

"Yes." She said. "Emmett knows that. He knows to keep Bella away from the river. The search crews haven't been going too deep into the forest, so if he listens we should be fine."

I was quiet for a few minutes. "What are we going to do with her?"

Esme smiled sympathetically. "I know this is your first time with a newborn in our household, but we've handled this before. Carlisle and I, even Edward—we were there for Emmett and Rosalie. We had to explain everything to them, teach them everything they needed to know. Your experience with newborns has been difficult, I appreciate that, but that's not the way it has to be. Jasper," she looked at me, "you've been fantastic with Bella so far, you really have. But feeling what she's feeling, being immersed in the newborn psyche might be overwhelming, and it might trigger old and painful memories for you. Are you sure you can handle this?"

If I was being honest with myself, I wasn't sure. Would being around a newborn remind me of my old life, of the near-constant pain that that lifestyle brought? I didn't know, but I did know that there was no way in hell I was abandoning Bella.

"I can handle it," I said. "And if I can't… I'll handle that, too." Esme seemed less than satisfied, but she accepted my answer without question.

"Do you think it would help Bella to have reminders of her human life? I could stop by her house and pick some things up." Esme said.

"Let's wait to ask Bella." I said. "I don't think she's thought about the fact that she can no longer be around her family. I think she's so caught up on the fact that she isn't actually dead that she hasn't figured out that everyone she knows has to think that she's dead.."

Esme nodded. "Either way, I need to get her some new clothes. Did you see the state of her? The poor thing…"

Esme walked off mumbling to herself. I almost grinned. Somehow, I had just known that Esme would love Bella. Not that it was difficult for Esme; she was made to mother, and no matter how many vampires we added to her brood, she would nurture each and every one.

I sprinted out the door and picked up Bella, Em and Rose's trail. As I neared, I heard the quick, faint beat of a rabbit's heart before I was slammed by an emotional wall of stubborn. I reached the three of them and stopped.

For once, hot-headed Rosalie was the calmest of the group. "Please, Bella?" she asked, "Just think about it."

Bella was shaking her head before Rose even finished her question. "No. No. Uh-uh. It's too gross to even consider. No."

Emmett shook the terrified bunny he was holding. "Bella. Just eat it. Bite it. You know you want to." He held the bunny by its paws and bounced it back and forth while he spoke in a high voice. "Hi there, Bella! I'm Mr. Rabbit. I am nutritious AND delicious. So yummy! Num-num-num." He made the bunny rub its stomach.

Bella was unimpressed. "I am not eating a rabbit. It's gross."

I had hoped to put off this conversation for as long as possible.

"Here's the deal:" I said, "yes, vampires were made to prey on humans. Yes, our bodies run most efficiently on human blood. Yes, human blood is what our tastes are suited toward. But our coven has made a conscious decision to abstain from human blood. And if you ever hope to be a part of our coven, you have to drink animal blood as well, no matter how disgusting it smells or tastes. No matter how much you crave human blood, you must master your urges." I had kind of slipped into Major Whitlock at the end, my human army discipline peeking through. Maybe Esme was right and being around Bella would stir up unpleasant memories of the past.

Bella was looking at me with hurt in her eyes. "I. Don't. Want. Human. Blood." She spoke very slowly, but firmly, like she was speaking to a puppy that had just peed inside. "I don't want to eat anyone. Okay?"

She waited for me to nod before continuing, "That said, I refuse to kill a poor, defenseless, little bunny rabbit. "

I turned to Emmett. "She hasn't had any blood yet?" I asked in astonishment.

"I know, right?" Emmett looked back at the bunny. "Looks like you're off the hook, Mr. Rabbit." He turned to Rose with wide eyes. "Can we take him back to the house?" The bunny's eyes were all bugged out and its heart was still pounding at ridiculous speeds.

Bella cut off Rosalie's response. "Are you taking him home as a pet or as a snack?"

Emmett wrinkled his nose, "Pet, duh. Rabbits taste like sludge." He sprinted off towards the house, and Rose followed behind him.

"Then why were you trying to make…" Bella sighed in frustration.

"Don't try and use reason with Emmett. You'll end up talking yourself in circles and he'll just decide he's won the argument any way."

Bella burst out laughing, and in that moment I fully appreciated how miraculous the transformation we'd all made was. Bella had been an attractive girl, from what I'd seen before the transformation started and she was writhing in pain 24/7. Now, though… Her hair was a deep brown red and when the sun hit it, it simmered like it held heat. The sunlight streaked her hair with copper, brass, and gold. Her pale skin sparkled and her laugh—full throated and rich—was a song. That laugh hit me right in the gut and my muscles tightened. I smiled bitterly to myself.

We were made to be seductive, and Bella was no exception.

I snapped out of my reverie when Bella's laughter tapered off and her red eyes met mine.

"Come on. Let's get you fed." I said.

I walked over to her and lightly bumped my shoulder against hers. She smiled up at me.

"I think," she said, "I could deal with something not as cute? Maybe something that kills cute animals? I could be a cute animal defender?"

I shook my head in exasperation.

"Fine." I consented, "Let's bag you a bunny-killer."

As we ran deeper into the forest, our path was marked by the echoes of Bella's laughter.


	7. Giving Up

**A/N: So glad you liked the last chapter! The positive feedback makes my heart smile :) This might be the last update until Monday, but I'll try to bang out another chapter tomorrow. Just a warning that it might not happen.**

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Chapter 7: Giving Up

**Jasper:**

Bella had caught a wolf that had been stalking some deer. Apparently deer were cute and got put on the side of the bunnies. She had only gotten a little upset when the deer were still terrified of her and had sprinted away.

When we got back to the house, only Rose and Emmett were there. Rose took one look at Bella and grabbed her hand.

"You can't spend your first day as a vampire looking like that. It's inhumane," she said. She dragged Bella upstairs and I heard the door to the bedroom shut and murmurs and rustling cloth as they dug through Rose's closet.

I looked at Emmett who was trying to force feed a carrot to the petrified bunny. Where he had gotten a carrot so quickly, I didn't want to know.

"You're going to kill it." I said, "Trying to feed it like that."

Emmett rolled his eyes at me. "Yeah, but it'll die if it doesn't eat, too. Lose, lose."

"Where is it going to live? Do you have a cage?"

"I have a few tanks from my other pets," he said, "but I'm thinking we can just let him roam the house. We'll be able to hear and smell him wherever he tries to hide."

"And its crap?" I asked, refusing to refer to it as 'he'.

Emmett shrugged. "We'll smell that, too."

"For the record, I don't approve." I said, "But I also recognize that nothing I say will sway your mind in the slightest."

"Truth." Emmett went back to poking the carrot at the rabbit's mouth. "How is the search going?" he asked.

"Badly. Apparently the river is too slow for them to easily buy that it washed her body away completely, so they haven't stopped looking yet. From what I have gathered, no one has suggested foul play, but Charlie, her father, has been feeling suspicious lately. I really won't be relaxed until they have a funeral."

I felt a strong wave of embarrassment from upstairs followed by shock. It had to be Bella; who knew what ridiculous outfits Rose was dressing her up in?

"I wonder what they're getting up to." I pondered out loud.

"Chick stuff." Emmett replied. "Bella probably feels more comfortable around Rosalie since she's, like, the other girl in the house. She needs someone to answer all of her questions, and Rose can do that for her."

"I can do that, too." I grumbled.

Emmett placed his finger on the rabbit's lower jaw and we both felt its heart beat kick up significantly. He bopped the bunny's jaw up and down in time with his words.

"SOMEone wikes feewing needed. SOMEone can't stand being wepwaced." His baby talk grated on my nerves.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Em." I would have argued further, but Rosalie's door opened and I heard the girls descending the stairs. I looked up and saw Bella coming down.

My gut tightened again and I was painfully aware that I was staring.

It honestly wasn't fair. I knew my emotions were being manipulated, that vampires were built to be amazingly alluring, but that knowledge didn't change the fact that Bella was stunning.

Rose had done something with Bella's eyes that made them seem impossibly large and clear. The animal blood had muddied the pure, glowing red into a deeper maroon. Her hair was almost the same color as her eyes now, a deep burgundy, and it curled gently down past her shoulders from where it had been pinned back at the temples. Bella was wearing a white dress that cinched at her waist and flowed outward ending right above her knees. The neckline of the dress was edged in a deep blue lace that framed her clavicle. I had never noticed it on a girl before, but I couldn't stop staring at Bella's collarbone.

Until I noticed her blood red lipstick.

I knew I was expected to say something.

"You look better." I rasped, my voice rough with suppressed... something. I turned away and busied myself sorting through some mail that was lying on the counter. It wasn't fair. I had become accustomed to Rose, Alice, even Esme. It was just Bella's newness that was overwhelming me, and I didn't like feeling out of control.

"Have you ever read _Bunnicula_?" Bella asked suddenly. I snapped my head around, but she was looking at Emmett.

"Whassat?" He grunted in response.

She giggled. "You should read it."

My cell phone rang and I scrambled to pull it out of my pocket. Carlisle. I flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Charlie was just in the hospital with some crash survivors. He told me they set a date." I was relieved and anxious at the same time. "It's Saturday."

"Tomorrow. Okay. I'll let her know." I said.

"I'll let the rest of the family know." Carlisle said.

"Just Edward and Esme," I said, "I'm with Em and Rose."

"Okay." Carlisle said. We hung up without saying goodbye.

I looked over at Bella whose face was wide-eyed in astonishment.

"Oh my God!" she said, "Charlie! He must be panicking! He must be totally losing his shit! I have to go let him know I'm okay."

She moved toward the door, but Rose grabbed her arm and Emmet moved to block her path. He was still petting his bunny and he looked at Bella apologetically.

"No can do, Bells," he said.

Bella turned to look at me. "What's going on?"

I took a deep, steadying breath. "Bella, Charlie thinks your dead. When Edward bit you," she cringed a little, "we knew what you were becoming and we had to make sure that—we wanted to give your friends and family some sense of closure."

Bella's eyes were unfocused, and if I didn't know that it was impossible for vampires, I would have said she was about to pass out.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

I rushed over and grabbed her arms to hold her steady. I gently shook her until she made eye contact.

"Bella," I said,

"We faked your death."

**Bella:**

I would be okay if I didn't think about cute little baby wolf cubs. Think about Bambi, I told myself. Think about Bambi.

Jasper didn't speak to me the whole way back to the house, and I found myself about to blurt out completely asinine remarks like, 'That was some good wolf back there, huh?' just so I could hear him speak.

When we entered the house, Rose took one look at me and dragged my ass upstairs.

"You can't spend your first day as a vampire looking like that," she said, "It's inhumane."

How fitting, I thought, as I am no longer human.

I should be grateful to not be _dead_ dead. Like unmoving dead. Better an undead creature of the night than to be actually dead.

Speaking of which, the whole not bursting into flames in the sun thing? Pleasant surprise.

Rosalie dragged me into her room.

"I've got some of my clothes and some of Alice's clothes she left behind. I figure maybe my pants and Alice's tops? That should do you, right?"

"Who's Alice?" I asked.

"Jasper's ex." She replied.

I was speechless.

"Where—where is she?"

"She left." Rosalie said matter-of-factly as she threw clothes across the room. "Thing is, she saw you being attacked by Edward and decided not to warn any of us because she also saw you and her being besties."

I was confused. "Wait, she was in the forest when Edward attacked, too?"

Rosalie was puzzled. "What? No! She saw it. In a vision."

"Oh." I said, and I nodded my head like I wasn't freaking out.

"So," Rosalie said, "What do you think of Jasper?"

I immediately felt my face flush in embarrassment. Rosalie gaped at me.

"You—" she stumbled over her words, "You're blushing!" She was speaking so quietly that I almost had to strain to hear.

"Oh, god. I know." I said, "I turn bright red. So not flattering."

"No, " Rose said, "It's not that. Vampires don't blush. They can't."

It was my turn to gape. "What is wrong with me?"

She didn't even try to comfort me.

"I don't know." She said.

Rose returned to flipping through clothing like I wasn't the world's most incompetent vampire before she pulled out a full-skirted white dress edged in dark blue lace.

"Now, tell me:" She said, "Is this Bella Swan?" She twirled the dress and motioned for me to stand up. She held the dress against me.

"I love it." I said.

"It's yours." Rose said. I quickly stepped out of my bloody jeans and top. "Um, could you… I dunno… turn around?"

Rose scoffed but did as I asked. "That's gonna get old, quick. We don't really do modesty." She spoke over her shoulder, but kept her eyes closed. "We're vampires."

So I was coming to understand. I took off my underwear which were also steeped in blood. I realized I didn't have any to change into.

"Um, Rose?" I asked hesitantly, "Could I borrow… you know… underthings?"

"Top drawer."

I went over and pulled it open.

Holy leather and lace.

I held up a pair of panties that were made from a triangle of lace and ribbons and held together by not much more than prayer.

"Any chance you have something less…" I struggled for the right word, "…non-existent?"

"Take 'em or leave 'em, Bell." Rose said.

Anything was better than going commando in a dress. I had learned that much from trashy tabloids, if nothing else. I pulled on the underwear and matching bra which squashed my boobs into some semblance of cleavage. I slipped on the dress, which fit like a dream, and turned back to Rosalie.

"Kay, you can turn back around."

Rose looked at me and started hopping up and down. "Oh, you are so gorgeous! The boys will flip. Here, let me fix up your face."

She shoved me into a chair and started yanking my hair and brushing stuff onto my face. When I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror, I had been totally transformed. The make-up combined with my new vampire enhancements made me completely unrecognizable.

"The finishing touch," she said, "you have to do yourself. I have always been shit at putting on other people's lipstick." She held out a tube of bright red lipstick.

"I don't wear red lipstick," I hedged, "It makes me look even paler than I actually am."

"Vampire." She said as she pointed at me, "You're gonna have to learn to live with pale. Besides, you only get one first day as a vamp. Might as well go all out."

I glared at her, but grabbed the lipstick and applied it, managing not to get it all over my face. I loudly smacked my lips and gave an exaggerated pout.

"How do I look?" I asked.

Rose smirked at me. "Let's go see," she said.

We left her room and Rose made me walk in front of her as we neared the steps. When I turned the corner and began to descend the staircase, I saw Jasper staring up at me.

I wondered if he realized he was staring. His eyes had darted all up and down me before settling on… my neck? Must be a vampire thing. I felt myself growing warm under his gaze when he turned away suddenly.

"You look better." He said roughly. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. Better? I had never looked _better_ in my life.

I made myself look anywhere but him, needing to distract myself before he felt my distress. My eyes landed on Emmett. I bit back a chuckle. The hulking vampire was hunched over an itty baby bunny and the sight cracked me up.

"Have you read _Bunnicula_?" I asked him. In my periphery I saw Jasper look at me.

Emmett hadn't read the book. It was about a vampire rabbit that drained vegetables of juice. I thought he would get a kick out of it. I couldn't help but laugh.

"You should read it." I said.

Jasper's cell phone rang, and he answered it. "Hello?" he asked. The voice on the other line--I think it was Carlisle--began talking about Charlie. After I heard that, I only listened to every other word of the conversation.

Charlie! He would be so worried about me. How long had I been out? Three days? He would be terrified!

As soon as Jasper hung up the phone I began babbling:

"Oh my God, Charlie! He must be panicking! He must be totally losing his shit! I have to go let him know I'm okay!" I bolted for the door, but Rosalie physically restrained me. Emmett blocked the door as he stroked his rabbit, looking like a demented Dr. Evil.

"No can do, Bells," he said.

"What's going on?" I asked Jasper. His looked at me sympathetically. I wanted to scream at him. I don't need your sympathy! I need my father.

"Bella, Charlie thinks you're dead." Jasper said. He started talking about 'closure' for my friends and family. I had thought that I had nothing left for them to steal after they took my humanity. It turns out my humanity wasn't enough; they needed my entire life.

"What does that mean?" I felt like I was going to be sick.

Jasper ran over and held my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. My skin burned under his touch and I wanted to push him away, but I was too weak to even move.

"Bella," he said, and a piece of his golden hair fell into his face. I wanted to rip it out.

"We faked your death."

Then I did push him away. I shoved him away and brushed past Rosalie. Emmett reached out, but my glare made him back off. I was aware that I was trembling, but I couldn't seem to stop it. Everything was hitting me at once, and I couldn't sort through it quickly enough. I felt like I was collapsing under all of the stimuli.

I backed into a corner and leaned against the wall. One moment of Jasper's half-heard conversation with Carlisle filtered back to me and I latched on to it.

"When you say Charlie set a date," I asked, "you mean…?"

Jasper took two steps toward me.

"A date for the funeral," he said.

"Of course." I said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Then my vision crackled to darkness and I blacked out.

**A/N: _Bunnicula_, by James Howe. **


	8. Humanity

Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe thereof.

**A/N:** Sorry about the uncharacteristic delay. I am an SAT tutor on the weekends, so those are my busiest days. No excuse for the long Monday, though. Accept this long chapter as my apology (2.8k+ at last count).

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Chapter 8: Humanity

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**Jasper:**

She passed out.

She _passed_ out.

I had called Carlisle as soon as it happened, but…

Shit.

I didn't know vampires could pass out.

I don't think vampires _can_ pass out.

Breathe, Jasper. I needed the familiar action to calm myself. Carlisle was here. Everything was going to be okay.

Bella was going to be okay.

Her pale vampire skin was translucent and I could almost see the shadows of the bleached bones beneath her flesh.

Carlisle knew what he was doing. I had to convince myself or else I was sure I would reach down and throw everyone off of her. As it was, I wanted to go all caveman and throw her over my shoulder and keep anyone from touching her, hurting her.

Carlisle finished examining her and I couldn't help but notice the difference between Bella now, and Bella the last time I had seen Carlisle doctoring her. Then, she had looked broken and destroyed. Now—she looked like she was asleep. Her hair had pillowed out behind her and her lips tilted upward in the faintest smile.

And she thought _I_ was an angel.

Carlisle finished the limited inspection he could do on a bloodless, heartbeat-less vampire.

He spoke before I could jump down his throat. "She's fine, Jasper." He looked at the rest of the family gathered around her prone form, "She's fine."

"Then what's wrong with her?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said. "Nothing is wrong with Bella."

His emotions gave him away. He was buzzing with a mix of apprehension and excitement.

"What is it?" I asked him. He looked at me sideways, annoyed that his emotions had betrayed him.

"I… I have a theory."

"About Bella?" I asked.

"Yes." He said. He didn't elaborate for a few moments, and I had to literally bite my tongue to keep from growling at him. As it was, Emmett beat me to the punch.

"Care to share?" He hissed.

Carlisle snapped out of whatever daze he had been in.

'I apologize." He bowed his head. "I was just speculating. I believe…" his eyes flicked toward me. "What I mean to say is—" He cleared his throat.

"I think that Bella's most dominant characteristic in her past life was her humanity."

Emmet sat down on the couch. "Come again?"

"I think that, like you have your strength and Rose has her beauty, Bella retains her humanity. She was so quintessentially human in her other life that some of those characteristics carried over."

I was stunned. "I didn't know that that could happen."

Carlisle shrugged. "For anomalies of nature, we really know very little about our limits and capabilities. I have always thought that our powers, should we have powers, evolve and strengthen as we grow. Every power has the potential to be a give and take, like yours Jasper."

"I don't follow." I said.

Carlisle gestured his hand toward me. "You have the ability to read, like Edward does. He works with thought, and you work with emotion. Correct?" I nodded. "You can, however, effect the emotions of those around you. You spent the first few decades of your life using your power every day; it strengthened and developed into a give and take. Now, not only can you read the emotions of those around you, you can change them. Edward immediately recognized the intrusive and unwelcome aspects of his power, and has spent his entire vampire life repressing and attempting to smother his talent. If he had nurtured and practiced his ability, I have no doubt that he would be able to either control, alter, or add to the thoughts of others."

I processed what Carlisle had said. "What about Alice?" I asked.

"I believe she has begun developing the flow of her power. In the beginning, visions came to Alice without urging or order. Now, if she wishes to see someone's future, she can concentrate and tune in to their decisions. She can decide who she is looking for in the future. I'm not sure if this is the cap of Alice's power, although I have speculated that one day she might learn to see multiple futures; not only the outcome of the current path an individual is on, but all of the potential outcomes of a specific decision."

"So you think Bella's… humanity will grow into something more?"

"Well, she shielded Edward's thoughts. Her body rejects the supernatural."

My jaw dropped. "She's a vampire whose body rejects the supernatural?" I asked. "Wait, she _is_ a vampire, right?"

Carlisle nodded. "Oh, there's no doubt of that," he said as he held up a syringe that he had tried to use on Bella. The needle was bent and the chamber's glass had stress cracks running through it. "She is definitely a vampire. Her innate human-ness was such, though, that she retained many human abilities. Fainting, for example."

"Her clumsiness." Emmett added.

"Blushing, too." Rose said.

I looked up at her.

"What did you do to make her blush?" I asked.

"I mentioned you." She said and shrugged her shoulders.

I turned to look at the unconscious vampire. What else was she capable of? Could she sleep?

Could she dream?

Carlisle continued, "I think that, perhaps, Bella's power could develop its thread of connection, its give and take, and she would not only maintain human characteristics passively, but she could actively control them in herself, or perhaps inspire and enhance humanity in others. It's difficult to say how it will develop, only that it could."

Again I looked at Bella and I was struck by how much turmoil this little thing had brought to our sedate family. We had been toeing the same path for decades when one day, and one slip threw us into completely uncharted territory.

"For now, Jasper, why don't you take her up to my bedroom and watch over her? She may need you to calm her when we tell her our suspicions."

"I'll take her to my room," I said, "I don't ever use it and its not fair to usurp both you and Esme." I swept an arm under Bella's knees and used my other arm to scoop up her torso, making sure to cradle her neck. I brought her into the fold of my chest, setting her head in the crook of my neck and rubbing soothing circles on her back as I lifted her into the air. I carried her up the stairs and into my room where I placed her on the bed. I spent several minutes fussing over her. Too many pillows? Not enough? Blankets on or off? When I had her positioned in a way I thought would make her comfortable, I sat on the bed next to her.

I reveled in what Carlisle had said. Bella was extraordinary. Not even death could steal her life. She clung, tenacious, and refused to let go. I was impressed. And it took a lot for me to be impressed.

As the hours ticked by and Bella didn't come to I found my self settling in next to her, getting more and more comfortable until I was almost laying beside her, my head propped up on my hands. It felt right. I felt like I could lie there forever, and lie there I did, all through the night, until Bella's eyes fluttered open early the next morning.

**Bella:**

The dim morning light was more than enough to illuminate the room as my eyes flickered open.

What had happened?

Oh yeah.

Charlie set a date for my funeral. Judging by the sunlight, it was today.

The mattress of the bed I was on bounced beneath me and I looked over to see Jasper sitting on the edge of the bed with a guilty expression on his face. I looked at the crumpled sheets next to me. Had he slept with me all night? I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and I tried to calm myself down.

Jasper no longer looked guilty; he looked stunned. His hand seemed to rise of its own accord and it brushed against the blush that framed my face.

"Beautiful." He whispered. The heat in my face began to spread to the tips of my toes, and I felt warm all over. Jasper must have noticed because he pulled back his hand with vampire speed and cleared his throat.

"Did I pass out?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, you did." I wasn't surprised. I had a habit of fainting in the most inappropriate situations. Like in a house full of vampires on the day I join their ranks.

"Bella, vampires don't pass out. We can't." I didn't even have it in me to be surprised at his words. I had never fit in. I'm not trying to have a pity party here, but it's something I've learned to live with. I always have to check myself, to make sure I'm acting like everyone else.

But not in the past 24 hours, I realized. Around the Cullens I hadn't had to try to be anything I wasn't. Around them I could be myself.

I sighed. Apparently not anymore. I was back to marking every step and word to make sure I was fulfilling someone's ideal of what I should be.

"What's wrong with me?" Jasper must have felt my dejection because next thing I knew I had his signature brand of too-simple calm surrounding me. I must have given him some resistance on the emotional front since he grabbed me and cradled me to his chest, his chin resting on top of my head. I couldn't help myself; I snuggled into him the tiniest bit. This type of comfort I liked.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Bella. We think this is what you brought over from your past life. You are, at bottom, so essentially _alive_ that nothing could take that away from you. Not even death, Bella. You refused to relinquish your humanity even in the face of immortality."

His words sunk straight to my heart. He sounded… _proud_. And the feeling shot through me, burning away every doubt and worry. I looked up at him and as soon as my gaze connected with his, I was stuck. His eyes were melted toffee, liquid and hot and I was drowning happily.

As our stare lengthened, his eyes deepened and darkened with feeling. I was fascinated by how much I could see there: ancient pain and many years. Just how old was Jasper?

I suddenly remembered his ability to read emotions and I quickly looked away.

"Thank you." I whispered. I thought I felt his hand brush my hair, but when I looked his way again, he had stood up from the bed and was pacing the room.

"So, what time is my funeral?" I tried to sound nonchalant, but my voice squeaked and gave me away.

Jasper stopped pacing and looked at me. "Ten." He said. "But…"

I waited for what felt like forever before nudging him forward. "But what?"

Jasper fidgeted with his shirt and I realized how odd the action looked on a vampire.

"Bella—"

I was getting anxious. What? What was wrong?

"Jasper, you're killing me here."

He looked at me in silence for a moment and then burst into laughter. It was magical. His entire face changed under the smile. His eyes lit up and the room felt effused with pure happiness. I realized I was feeling what Jasper was feeling. I started giggling until I was curled on the bed, rocking with laughter.

"Oh, I'm sorry. But you were talking about going to your own funeral. And then you said…" He chuckled again and smiled at me, shrugging his shoulders.

Wow. He really was beautiful. I smiled back and wiped a tear that had formed in the midst of my laughter. Jasper was suddenly next to me. He looked awed as he reached up and captured another tear as it was falling down my cheek. He gazed at it on his fingertip before he rubbed it out against his thumb.

I guess vampires don't cry, either.

"Bella, you understand that you can't go."

My joy faded and I immediately became defensive. "And why not?"

"Bella, the funeral is going to be swarming with humans. You are a day-old vampire. Even though you seem to have an inborn aversion to human blood, that much life would be completely irresistible. Would you be able to live with yourself if you hurt someone? We just need to stay on the safe side."

I wasn't pleased with the situation, but I understood why it could be dangerous. I nodded.

Jasper continued. "The rest of the family is going to go to keep tabs on what people are saying about your death. Is there anyone you want them to check up on?"

"Charlie and Renee. My mom and dad."

Jasper nodded. "I'll let Carlisle know."

Something he said hit me then. "The rest of the family?" I asked.

He smirked. "You think I'd abandon you?" He lightly smacked my arm. "You're stuck with me, Bella."

"Oh, god!" I rolled my eyes and pretended to be annoyed, but I couldn't stop the smile that came to my lips. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Fine. You can stay."

Jasper bowed mockingly. "Thank you for your permission, my liege."

I waved my hand and stuck my nose in the air. "Loyal serf, you must do my bidding." I pointed to the door. "Go plow the field."

Jasper narrowed his eyes and growled at me.

I pretended to be shocked. "You dare and threaten your queen?" I brought my hand to my chest and made my eyes wide. "You insolent fool."

Jasper hunched down and balanced on the balls of his feet, poised and ready to attack.

I pointed at him. "Off with your head!" I screeched. "Off with his—" Before I could finish, he sprang at me and knocked me off the bed. I landed smack on the ground and we tumbled one over the other, each fighting for the upper hand. I'm sure tabletops were totally cleared as we knocked into the legs of desks and jostled them around. Finally, Jasper locked his knees around my hips and flipped me on my back. He pinned my arms above my head and knelt over me. My laughter tapered off as I again got caught up in Jasper's eyes. I was breathing heavily, and even Jasper seemed a little winded.

We stayed in that position for a while, and the little distance between us seemed charged with energy. I half expected my hair to stand on end like it does in an electrical storm. I was very aware of everywhere Jasper was touching me: his thighs on my hips, his hands on my wrists, and a lock of his scruffy blond hair against my cheek.

Rose popped into the room. "We're going to the funeral if—" Her eyes went wide. Jasper scrambled off of me and I, again, blushed.

"I'm gonna go…" Rose tiptoed out of the room exaggeratedly and shut the door behind her.

"Check on her mom and dad." Jasper said to the closed door. I knew the sensitive vampire hearing would have no problem picking up his request.

I stood up and looked everywhere but at Jasper. I'm sure my emotions were running the board, so I wasn't afraid Jasper would be able to make sense of the mess when even I had no idea what I was feeling.

"So do you—" I snapped my head up to look at him. I felt an odd sense of anticipation as I waited for him to finish. He was looking somewhere between the top of my head and the ceiling.

"—want to go eat?" For some reason, it felt like a dismissal. I didn't know what else to do, though, so I nodded and followed him out the door to go hunt.

**A/N: **Apologies to anyone who wanted Bella at the funeral, but I couldn't rationalize them allowing her to be around so many humans so early. I am debating whether or not to switch to a non-Jasper/Bella VP in order to get some funeral in. Let me know your thoughts, cause I am kind of digging on the only J/B views.

As always, reviews make my soul sing.


	9. Moon Print

Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight or the universe therein.

A/N: You guys are awesome. Mad props to my crazy fantastic reviewers. Still looking for a beta, been doing okay with out one (I think), but I am nervous about my fact-i-ness. Any takers?

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Chapter 9: Moon Print

**Jasper:**

She's magnificent. Running behind her as we hunted; it was fantastic. I had never seen a newborn more infatuated with the world than Bella. She leapt through the trees, laughing the whole way. She brushed her fingertips over leaves and bark and I could feel her wonder and pleasure at the sensations they evoked.

All too soon, Bella latched onto a scent. She stopped for a moment and looked around, smelling out the direction the trail had taken. She looked at me for guidance.

"This way?" She inclined her head to the northwest. I smiled and nodded; I didn't have the heart to tell her…

Bella hadn't learned what specific animal's blood smelled like. She pounced through the woods, her speed increasing as she neared her target, until she turned a corner and almost tripped over it—

A stray dog.

"Seriously?" She looked at me, "You weren't going to tell me I was chasing a _dog_?"

I was a little embarrassed that she had called me out. "It's just… you were doing so well."

Bella walked over to the matted, dirty animal and gathered it in her arms.

"Henry," she sighed as she read his name tag. "His name is Henry." She looked up at me and her eyes were huge and pleading. "Can we make sure he gets home? Please?"

I took the dog from her arms and rolled my eyes. "Fine. Stay here." Bella made a show of planting each foot to the ground, stamping and digging them into the soft earth. I ran with the dog until I reached a residential area. The dog was squirming and trembling; his instincts recognized me as a threat. Why had I agreed to this?

I would do anything for Bella, I realized.

It shocked me. When had I grown so attached? When had she become irreplaceable to me? It wasn't sound, I told myself. It reminded me of Peter and Charlotte, acquaintances from my life before the Cullens. Back when I had been surrounded by newborns of a…different kind, I had constantly had to end the ones who, as we said, hadn't worked out.

What would I do if Bella slipped?

I would take her to Alaska, I thought, or Greenland or Russia. Someplace isolated from humans. I would take her there and I would teach her how to control herself. I would be there to keep her company as she made the transition from newborn to full-fledged vampire. I would be there when her eyes turned gold and her newborn strength waned.

I had to walk more carefully in the residential section of town, so I slowed and searched lampposts with 'missing' signs. I probably passed a dozen flyers of Henry complete with color pictures—I was so caught in my own thoughts.

It wasn't too long ago I had told Alice of the possible necessity of putting Bella down should she not adapt to the vegetarian lifestyle. I knew now that I could never do that. I would isolate myself from the world as long as she needed me to, but I could never put out her unique light.

I finally recognized Henry on a large, neon green poster. I set Henry down, threaded his leash around the pole, pulled out my cell phone and called the number on the bottom of the page.

"Hello?" a young girl answered the phone.

"Hi, is this Henry's home?"

The girl screeched. "Yes, yes, yes! Did you find him?"

I told her which intersection I was standing at. "He's tied to one of the telephone poles."

"Wait!" She cried, "Don't you want the reward?"

"No. I'm just glad you answered the phone. Henry's missed you a great deal."

I hung up and swiftly walked toward the woods, maintaining human speed in case someone happened to be looking out of his window. As soon as I hit the forest, I sprinted to where Bella was waiting for me. When I reached the spot, I was confused for a moment. There were Bella's footprints, etched into the floor of the forest. But where was…?

The smell of human blood hit me and I leapt into action. My nightmare was becoming reality. I had to stop her before she attacked someone. I knew I wouldn't hurt her, and I certainly knew I wasn't going to let anyone else hurt her, but Bella wouldn't be able to live with herself if she had harmed a human.

I saw a flash of mahogany and white: I was gaining on her. I could feel the stress burn in my muscles as I tried to close the dozen or so yards between us. Bella was powered by newborn strength, and I was struggling to gain on her. About a hundred yards ahead I saw the bright yellow raincoat of the unfortunate human who had stumbled into the wrong part of the woods.

Sheer will power pushed me forward and gave me the extra drive as I sprang through the air at Bella. My teeth sank into the hollow of her heel and I bit down and snapped my head around, throwing her to the ground. I turned and caged her in with my body, my teeth bared inches from her face as I expected to fight a blood-crazed new born for control.

Instead I faced a panicked and wide-eyed Bella, her hands clenched and twitching against the pain that the searing venom was creating. Large tears rolled down her face and soaked into the dirt of the forest floor.

Oh my god.

What had I done?

I reached toward her and she visibly flinched. My hands stilled, but continued on their path to her. "I'm sorry." I murmured.

I picked her up and clutched her to me as I ran to the house.

I was met by the overwhelming concern of the family who had returned from the funeral.

"What happened?"

"Is she okay?"

"What were you doing?"

"What _happened_?"

I brushed past them all and dashed up to my room where I laid Bella on the bed. Had I not been so disgusted with myself, I would have found some irony in the fact that Bella always seemed to end up here, in my room and in my bed.

Before I shut the door, I hissed out a warning to my family:

"You will maintain your distance."

Bella was trembling on the bed, her eyes marking my every move.

I was disgusted with myself. Bella was a brand new vampire; the pain of her transformation had to be in the constant forefront of her mind. And I had bit her.

I should have reached out and grabbed her, tackled her. But I hadn't thought. I had just reacted as I would have back in Texas with Maria. I had bit her, scarring her flawless pale flesh forever. I knew exactly how painful those scars could be, long after the foreign venom had been burned from you system.

I sat down next to Bella and steeled myself to say something. To throw my guts on the floor and beg for her mercy. It was the least I could do. I needed her forgiveness.

I didn't expect Bella to throw her arms around my neck as she sobbed into my chest, but it gave me hope. If she could hug me now, perhaps she could forgive me someday?

"Jasper…" Her eyes made contact with mine, and the pain I saw there destroyed me. I braced myself for whatever would come next.

"Thank you." She said. She buried her nose in the crook of my neck and I heard her breathing pick up.

"Jasper…" her eyes brimmed with fresh tears. "I am so, so sorry! Jasper, please, please forgive me! I didn't mean to and then the smell and next thing I knew I was running and I promised to stay—"

"Bella." I finally regained enough presence to end her ridiculous nonsense. I thumbed the tears from her eyes and gently stroked her cheeks and forehead. "_I'm_ sorry, Bella. What you did was the natural reaction of a newborn vampire. I shouldn't have left you unattended, I shouldn't have been so complacent, and I sure as hell shouldn't have bit you, Bella. When I think of what you must be feeling—"

This time Bella cut me off. "I'm fine." She twisted in my arms and I realized I had been stroking the bare skin of her back above the neckline of her dress. I quickly pulled my hands into my lap where they tingled like I had slept on them funny.

"Things could have gone horribly, horribly wrong if you hadn't been there to stop me, by whatever means necessary. And look!" She folded her foot into her lap and brushed her fingers over half-healed half-moon. "I don't even think it will leave a mark!" She chirped.

Her light-hearted comment hit me in my soul. "Yes, it will." She looked over at my somber tone. I sighed and scooted away from her on the bed. She stopped me by grabbing my wrist. Her eyes held a question.

I lightly removed her hand and peeled off my long-sleeved green t-shirt. Bella gaped as she took in the endless criss-crossing of crescent scars that covered my entire torso. I quickly grabbed her hand; I couldn't lose her over this.

"Bella—" my voice shook. I didn't know where to begin. I felt Bella's free hand trace over my bicep. She looked up from my chest and at my face.

"You are so beautiful." I read the honesty in her face and the room suddenly felt a million times lighter.

"Bella, I had a very different life before I came to the Cullens." I absentmindedly rubbed at my left shoulder and I told her the story it had taken me years to reveal to my immortal family. I told her about my maker, Maria, and her incessant obsession with dominating Texas. I told her how I used my powers to control newborn vampires until they outgrew their purpose and then I told her how I destroyed them without mercy for decades. I told her about Peter and Charlotte and how they escaped. I told her how I left Texas and I told her about Alice in the diner and how I had lived up until the moment Bella opened her eyes to the vampire world. For hours, I poured out my history as Bella sat, unmoving. When I had finally finished, I slumped exhausted and waited for Bella's condemnation and repulsion at my life. I felt her soft hand brush mine away from my shoulder and trace the scar I had been rubbing throughout my story.

"What's special about this scar?" she asked.

"It was my first." I said.

Then I looked at Bella for the first time since finishing talking. Her eyes were full of sympathy, and acceptance, and…love? It swirled around me like a physical presence and I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotions it triggered. I felt so safe and accepted and, well... loved.

My eyes flew open as Bella pressed her lips to the scar. I felt a hot tear slide from her chin onto my skin.

"I thought you were beautiful." Bella said. "I was wrong."

"You are stunning." I didn't know how to respond. I bent down and grasped Bella's tiny foot in my hands. I gently kissed the new and quickly silvering scar on the hollow of her heel. Bella's foot was jerked from my hands as she knelt and slammed into me, wrapping her arms around me.

"You are amazing," she murmured against my bare chest. The vibrations sank deeply into me.

"Ditto." I said, and I could feel her smile against my skin.

She abruptly pulled away. "Now, we need to go downstairs. You need to apologize for being so snippy with your family and I need to explain why, every time they come home, I'm passed out or some other kind of unresponsive." She dragged me off of the bed and squealed. "Plus, I'm kind of really curious about my funeral!" She took my hand and led me out the door.

The hand Bella wasn't holding rubbed circles on my shoulder where, impossibly, I could still feel the warmth and pressure of Bella's kiss.

.

**A/N:** You wanted a kiss, conehito? You got one… kind of :P. Since people seemed fairly split on the funeral issue, I think I'm gonna stick to Jasp&Bella POV for now, and perhaps write a companion one-shot in someone else's POV for those who want it. I don't think I want to put it in the main story because its gonna be fairly doom n' gloom (it IS a funeral, after all.)

**A Limerick:**

There once was a writer of fic

Who had an insatiable tick.

The reviews that came in

Always gave her a grin,

So she picked up her notepad and Bic.

:D


	10. Helpless

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe therein.

A/N: I'm gonna try and go beta-less in order to get the chapters to you, the loves and lights of my heart, faster. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. And (omg) Risen Anew got over 1.67k hits yesterday. Don't know how that stacks up against other fics, don't really care. I'm on cloud nine. :D

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Chapter 10: Helpless

**Bella:**

I pulled Jasper down the stairs to face his family. I was trying as hard as I could to mask the apprehension that I was drowning in. I didn't want to face his family—my family now, too—but I felt like I had to be strong after Jasper spilled his past to me. He had been through so much and I couldn't help but admire how resilient he had proven himself. He could have easily stopped fighting long ago. He could have stayed with Maria, or Peter and Charlotte—any choice would have been easier than wandering with blind faith that there was a better life to be had. His insecurity about his scars broke my heart: they were proof of how far he had traveled and how much he had sacrificed to get to this point. They were beautiful.

He was beautiful.

And so I pretended that I wanted nothing more than to listen to people discuss my grieving friends and family, all of whom thought I was dead and could never know the truth. I would rather spend the rest of the day, hell, the rest of the week sitting with Jasper. Talking, or not. I was so… drawn to him. But right now he needed to face his family and get a change of subject. So what I wanted wasn't the issue. Jasper needed this and I would do it happily.

We turned the corner and descended the stairs.

I don't even know if Jasper realized he was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, but I was very aware of it. The circles tingled almost painfully; I wanted to rub them, or flex my hand, but I couldn't bring myself to break the contact we had.

I took a deep breath. I needed to relax. I held onto the banister with my free hand and kept my eyes trained on the stairs beneath me. I didn't want to trip and embarrass myself in front of them. For like the thirtieth time.

When both feet were firmly planted on the flat, stable floor, I looked at the gathered family. Jasper's grip on my hand tightened and a false-serenity encased me. What was that for? I looked at him, but he was snarling at the far corner of the room where a figure wavered in the doorway to the kitchen, uncertain as to whether or not he should join us.

Edward.

My hand gripped Jasper's and for a moment I was lost to emotion. I could only remember him throwing me, the crack of my head on the lockers and… when he bit me. When he was draining me. I was panicking and completely freaking out. I looked at Jasper and realized my anger was only provoking him more. He was tensed and ready to rip something apart.

I had to calm down. Edward was part of this family. Had I not just tried to attack a human like Edward? The only difference between the situations was that Jasper had been there to stop me earlier than he had been there for Edward. If Jasper hadn't been there for me, I would have ended up doing something as bad as Edward had, if not worse.

I reigned in my fear and tried to focus on the love and concern this family felt for me. If I put myself in Edward's place and imagined the sorrow and despair I would feel if I had hurt that human in the woods, I couldn't stay scared of him. He had made a tragic mistake and he had to be beating himself up more soundly than I ever could.

There. Calm.

I sighed and looked at Jasper who was staring at me in wonder. "It's going to be fine." I whispered to him. "Everything will be just fine."

He nodded and let me lead him to a sofa where we took seats. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Emmett and Edward were all looking at us, but no one deigned to break the silence.

"So!" My voice was too loud and too falsely cheerful. Rosalie looked around the room and sighed loudly.

"I guess I am left to spearhead this conversation. Your funeral," she turned to me, "was depressing. It was somber and solemn. It was a funeral. Charlie and Renee were devastated—" Esme clucked her tongue at Rose's word choice, but Rose paid no mind, "Sorry, but its true. They hadn't seen each other in a really long time, had they?" I shook my head, "Well, Charlie was too upset to even notice Phil, and Renee was too upset to notice that Charlie didn't notice Phil."

I couldn't help but give a little choked laugh. It seemed like Rosalie knew my parents, the way she was describing them.

"There were a surprising amount of kids from Phoenix present." I made an offended face.

"I will let you know, Roaslie, that I had plenty of friends back in Phoenix. " I huffed out my breath and crossed my arms across my chest.

Rosalie stuck her tongue out at me. "Touchy much?" I chucked a pillow at her that she ducked gracefully. "Where was I? Oh yes. I was _surprised_," she gave me a sidelong glance, "that so many kids from Phoenix flew out to attend the funeral in Forks."

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. I must have looked sufficiently chagrined because Rose continued. "There was a fair representation of people from the Quileute reservation. Charlie seemed to be fairly good friends with a few of them. All of the remarks were thoughtful and restrained and the weather was very nice. Overall, the event was a social success."

Everyone gaped at her.

She shrugged. "You would have preferred it to be a failure?" She plopped down on the arm of the couch next to me, her work done.

"Um… okay." I wasn't sure what they wanted to know about. "So, Today. Well, we were hunting and we came across a stray dog and I made Jasper find its home and he told me to stay and I was going to until I smelled something really delicious and I just snapped and started running and running toward it and I didn't even care when I realized it was a human because it smelled so good and all I wanted to do was attack and Jasper…" I stopped for a deep breath and looked and Jasper and I could feel the love and gratitude wafting off of me, "…Jasper stopped me. He saved me. When you saw me freaking out," I looked at everyone, "that was just me flipping over how close a call it had been.

There was silence for a moment until Emmett growled, "How could you be so _stupid_, Jasper?" I was shocked, but when I looked at Jasper, he seemed to expect what was coming.

"I mean, shit!" Emmett continued. "Leaving a newborn in the woods by herself? And just _trusting_ a human wouldn't wander over and get itself eaten? What the _hell_ were you—"

"Emmett." Carlisle interrupted. "Relax." He turned to Jasper. "I have to admit, son, I am disappointed in the poor judgment you showed this afternoon."

"Poor judgment, my ass." Emmett muttered.

"Emmett." Carlisle barked at him. "If you can't control yourself, feel free to leave." Emmett sat down, but his lips were moving as he kept up a constant, but silent, stream of commentary. Carlisle turned back to Jasper, whose head was slumped. His fingers had stopped rubbing my hand. I squeezed his hand and began to rub circles with my thumb. After a few seconds I felt a light squeeze in return. It gave me hope.

"I cannot allow you to take such a position of responsibility in Bella's training if you show such a lack of sense. You of all people should know better." Carlisle looked at Jasper for a long hard moment before sighing and sitting down next to Esme.

I was stunned. Hadn't anyone listened to a word I'd said?

"Guys, Jasper _saved_ me. He stopped me from doing something absolutely terrible. How come none of you can see that? He didn't make a mistake—he stopped _me_ from making one. If you're going to be upset at anyone, be upset at me. Be angry with _me._ Don't punish Jasper for saving someone's life. Because that is what happened today. Jasper saved a life."

Jasper looked at me like I was a lifeboat on the Titanic. His thumb circles came back and I wanted to purr at the feeling.

I looked around at the family. The only one who looked back with any sympathy was Edward. He knew exactly what I was feeling. He offered me an awkward half-smile. I lowered my eyes for a second, then looked back and smiled. I could forgive him for his slip, easily. I knew how it felt to be in his shoes. Jasper's thumb stopped again and I looked up at him. He was glaring at Edward, his jaw set. He tightened his grip on my hand and moved me slightly behind his back.

"Seriously?" I yanked my hand out of his. "You too?"

Jasper reached toward me. "Bella…" he cajoled.

"I'm—I need a minute." I dashed to the rarely used bathroom and shut the door behind me. Why did everyone cage me in like I was a helpless little… thing! I wanted to snarl. Even my thoughts were incoherent. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was perfect. I was perfect. I looked like I needed protection, all wide eyes, full lips and rosy cheeks.

It was frustrating. I was indestructible. I would live forever. And yet these people were treating me like I hadn't been treated since I was 12. I had made a mistake and they all blamed Jasper like they thought I would freaking pass out if anyone dared to suggest I had slipped. I'd fucked up. And I recognized that. Why couldn't they?

And then Jasper yanking me away from Edward. Right after I was turned? Yes, I was scared. I needed his help. But he could read emotions. Edward and I were sharing a moment of understanding. Jasper could feel my lack of fear. Edward's lack of shame. And he deliberately ruined that moment of understanding by acting protective and aggressive, like Edward couldn't control himself. I wasn't a human anymore! No one seemed to understand that.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. I looked weak. I opened the medicine cabinet and started rummaging through the contents before something clattered into the sink. I looked down and paused.

That would do.

**Jasper:**

Bella had yanked away from me and stormed off to the bathroom like an emotional human.

I know what I did was wrong.

But when I felt that flicker of attraction from Edward when he smiled at Bella… I couldn't help myself. He could not touch her. He was not allowed to benefit from his destruction of her. I wouldn't allow it.

I tried to tell myself that I was thinking of justice—he shouldn't get to have her after he had broken her—but you couldn't have my gift and not become very aware of your own emotions.

I was jealous.

Edward wasn't allowed to lust after Bella. I wouldn't allow it.

Even as I heard Bella destroying the bathroom, I refused to take my eyes off Edward. My neck and shoulders were tense, and I know he could hear my thoughts, a constant stream:

_You cannot have her. You cannot have her. You cannot have her._

Edward had slunk back into his corner and I was rational enough to feel some guilt at my reaction. I was about to apologize when the clattering noises stopped. All of us looked at the bathroom door, expecting to see Bella re-entering the room.

When I heard the clean snick of closing scissors, I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door open. Bella stood with the scissors in one hand, and her long ponytail of hair in the other. Her hair now swung short. It kissed the base of her skull in the back and brushed an inch or so under her jaw in the front. She stared at herself in the mirror detachedly.

Already I mourned the loss of her long mahogany waves. But I had already learned that Bella was going to do what she wanted. I walked over and gently removed the scissors and chopped ponytail from her hands. She still watched herself.

She wasn't upset, I realized. She was waiting.

I almost laughed.

"Were you expecting it to grow back?" I asked.

"I really think I was!" Bella smiled at me.

" 'Interview with a Vampire?' " I asked.

"Totally. When Kirsten Dunst—"

"Yup." I started putting everything she had knocked astray back in place.

"Will it grow back?"

"Eventually." I said. "Hair is made of _dead_ cells."

"Cool." She helped me put away the last of the toiletries and we walked out into the living room to find that the rest of the family had ditched.

"Want to watch 'Interview'?" Bella asked. I hadn't seen it since it had first come out. It was too absurd, as a vampire, to watch.

"Sure. I'm in the mood for a comedy." I said.

Bella grabbed the DVD from our extensive collection and popped it into the player. I sat and the couch and was only a little surprised when she sat right next to me and curled into my shoulder.

"Jasper?" She said as the opening credits started.

"Yeah?"

"You need to lay off Edward. He's okay. I'm okay. And I can handle myself."

I know that.

"I know that."

"So we're good?" she asked.

"Rock solid."

Bella didn't need to know that I would be keeping tabs on Edward's lust. There was no way in hell he was getting anywhere near her.

"Rock solid." I repeated.

.

**A/N: **

When pondering when to review,

Hear my voice in your head saying, "Do!"

So type a quick line:

More quickly you'll find

A brand spanking chapter for you.


	11. Untouched

Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe contained therein.

A/N: The weekend is over, she said, and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Brief pitiful excuse- I wrote a whole chapter before I realized it was completely impossible in the context of the story. I might save the premise for later, but let's suffice to say there is NO WAY it could have happened right now. So, THAT was fun...

OTHER QUICK NOTE: There is reference made to TRUE BLOOD. I have given enough background for people unfamiliar with the plot, BUT: It references episodes in the second season for anyone who is in the process of catching up. Just a warning because I hate when accidental spoilers happen to me.

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Chapter 11: Untouched

**Jasper:**

Bella began the movie curled into my shoulder, her newly cropped hair tickling my collarbone. By the time "Sympathy for the Devil" played and the credits rolled, she was on the edge of her seat, her fingers curled into the couch cushions in a way that was sure to leave permanent damage. She looked like an excited child, promised cotton candy or a toy. After the screen flicked back to the main menu, Bella turned to me.

"What of that is true?" I had to admit. I hadn't been watching the movie as much as I had been watching Bella watching the movie. I struggled briefly to remember the details.

"Fire and dismemberment: true. But you wouldn't be able to do it with that sickle-y thing Brad Pitt was wielding."

"What could you do it with?" Bella leaned in toward me, her deep maroon eyes wide with excitement.

"Planning on hunting vampires?" I asked jokingly.

"Psht, like I'd need any help for that."

Then she pounced on me. Her entire body slammed against mine and she braced her arms above my shoulders on either side of my head. Her face was inches from mine and she had a huge grin on her face.

"Hey, look!" She popped her head up and yelled to an invisible audience.

"I got one!" She said.

Emmett and Rose walked in. "Whadja get, Bell-fire?"

Rose looked at him with an eyebrow raised, "Bell-fire?"

Emmett looked thoughtful, "No good? How about…" His hands circled in front of him, "Jingle Bella? Bell phone? Bellanore?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Just… don't. Please? For all our sakes, but mostly mine."

I laughed and Emmett sent me a death glare.

"Hey, those were some quality nicknames," he grumbled. Bella sprang off the couch and wrapped her arms as far around Emmett as they would reach.

"Of course they were." She pulled back and patted his head like you would a grumpy toddler's. I smirked at Emmett.

"To answer your question, I caught a vampire. Jasper. Not that it should count for much…" she mock stage whispered behind her hand, "Not quite the big scary vampire you'd expect."

Ooh. Now it was on.

"Serious tactical error." I mock-growled.

I grabbed her arms and pinned them behind her, twisting her until she lay face down on the couch. She made a muffled noise into the pillows where her face was shoved.

"Ready to admit defeat?" I lightly pushed my knee onto the small of her back. "Death by couch smothering is a rather ignoble end for vampire, you know." Bella had newborn strength, yes, but no idea how to use it. I had the advantage. She spoke into the couch again.

"Is that an 'uncle' I hear?" I gathered her wrists into one hand and gently pulled her up from the couch.

"Uncle!" She said. I released her and sat, self-satisfied, on the couch.

"Bully." I heard her mumble. I immediately was overwhelmed with anxiety. Had I been too rough? Had I hurt her? I had to be more careful. Who knew where her human-ness ended?

I looked over at her to apologize and saw the snarky grin on her face. I wanted to sigh in relief. She was fine. I wanted to smack myself. I was so off today, nervous and unbalanced.

_Pull yourself together._

Bella stretched unnecessarily and stood up. She looked at us.

"So, what do vampires do for fun around here?"

Emmett spoke immediately. "Prank phone calls."

Bella seemed taken aback. "Really?"

Emmett shrugged. "Yup." He said. "Since no one else will join me on the other pranks I want to do."

I interjected. "Emmett, breaking into all of the national parks and spray painting the animals with camouflage-print isn't harmless."

"But think of how funny it would be! The deer all green and brown and…" He trailed off as Rose started stroking his hair.

"Shhh, Emmett. It's okay…" Rose gave me a look of consternation as Emmett whined grumpily. I knew better than to bring up the camo-plan without being prepared for the consequences.

Bella seemed thoughtful.

"I kind of want to watch, like, every vampire movie ever made. It seems like… research, almost."

Emmett plopped down on the couch and immediately stood back up. He perked up and he sniffed the air.

"Mr. Rabbit!" he called. He bolted upstairs and came back with the wide-eyed bunny.

"We want to watch. No one ever watches shows with us."

Bella looked at him. "Us being… you and Mr. Rabbit?"

Emmett nodded, unashamed. "Let's start with 'True Blood'." He said.

Bella shrugged. "I was thinking 'Buffy'. I thought, you know, it would be the best jumping off point for learning about vampires? Since it would kind of be informative on… how to stay alive?" Her voice trailed up at the end as her uncertainty showed.

Emmett shook his head. "Trust me. 'Buffy' is nothing but trouble. Edward watched one episode—one single episode—and immediately started whining about how we don't have souls." He shook his head. "Nothing but trouble."

Rose sat down next to Emmett, "'True Blood' does not get anything right." She tilted her head to the side. "Like really: nothing right. 'V'? Really? Turning vampire blood into a hallucinogenic drug? Laughable." She looked back at us. "But Eric is hot."

Emmett put a hand in the air. "Holla." He said. When Bella quirked her eyebrow at him, he replied, "What? I may be straight as an arrow, but I can appreciate."

Edward walked in the front door and I felt myself stiffen. His feelings were innocent at the moment, but that might be because he know I had my eye on him.

"Hey." He said quietly. He looked at Bella. "I like what you've done with your hair. "

Bella swept it back from her face. "It was kind of a snap decision." She said.

"It looks good."

I wanted to gag. He'd said that already. Over-eager douche bag.

Edward walked over and sat down on the love seat. "What are you guys up to?"

"Bella wants to catch up on the perception of vampires in the popular media. It's looking to be at least 36 hours straight of mindless TV and film. You'll probably want to bow out," I said.

"No, it sounds like fun." He gave his well-worked lopsided grin to Bella. She flushed a little and smiled back.

Hell no.

Fortunately, Emmett had the same response. He grabbed Bella and squashed her into the small space between him and Rosalie. She immediately popped back up.

"I'm not gonna be pulled around like a rag doll." She said.

She flounced over and joined me on the armchair I was sitting in. There really wasn't enough room for two people and while she was technically sitting on the chair, her knees curled up and over my hip and onto my lap and her shoulder propped against my chest. I dipped my head down an inch and rested my chin on her head. I deliberately looked at Edward and thought to him:

_Since I'm the one who reads emotions, I'll help you out, here. This is called 'smug.'_

He sneered and mouthed back: 'childish.'

I shrugged. He'd get no argument from me. The movement jostled Bella and she looked up at me in consternation. I smiled sheepishly and she burrowed against me once more.

We began watching "True Blood". I had never seen it and it intrigued me. The dynamic they portrayed with the southern vampires… it wasn't far off. It made me think of Peter and Charlotte. Although they were not vegetarians, they were domesticated and able to tolerate human blood at close quarters. I wondered what they were up to and, more specifically, if either of them had ended up in, say, television production?

Bella's emotions ran rampant while the show was playing. After one of the episodes in season 2, while the credits were rolling she turned to me.

"I totally get Jessica." She said, referring to the newly turned red-headed vampire on the show, who I thought was absolutely obnoxious. I couldn't stand her, but I could see how Bella could relate. Bella turned back to the show.

At one point when Jessica began her relationship with a human male (which I found absolutely ridiculous. A vampire with a human? Absolute insanity...) I felt Bella's embarrassment spike. She shifted slightly so she was leaning on the armrest instead of my shoulder and her face flooded with pink. I looked at her questioningly, but she stared at the TV. I was fairly certain she was avoiding my gaze. I looked over at Edward who was looking back at me. He had been watching Bella intently and had noticed the change in her demeanor. When paired with my thoughts, it was enough to make him concerned. A few short hours later and we had finished the most recent season of the show. Bella immediately and abruptly excused herself and fled upstairs to my room. Edward began to follow her but he stopped in his tracks, halted by my glare and Emmett's hand around his throat.

"You've hurt her enough. You don't get to play with her, too." Emmett snarled. My thoughts exactly, Em.

Edward looked beseeching. "But what if it was fate? What if destiny brought us together?"

"Destiny did not bring you together." I couldn't keep the disgust out of my tone. "Your major fuck-up brought her to us. Don't try and romanticize it. You killed her."

Edward did not look convinced. "But fate brought you Emmett, Rose." He looked at her and she softened her harsh look slightly. "And Jasper. Fate delivered you to Alice."

Alice. I hadn't thought about her in days, almost since the moment she left. I was suddenly flooded with guilt. Edward read the direction of my thoughts and tried to prey on my moment of weakness.

"Think of what she means to you. Don't you want that for me? For Bella?"

_Mistake, Edward._

"What I want for Bella? What I WANT for her? I WANT for her to have her life back. I WANT for her to be able to see her family, to hug them. I WANT for her to never have come to Washington. I WANT for her not to be dead. You killed her Edward, and you are sick for trying to monopolize on her sympathy for you. You stay the fuck away."

I went upstairs and joined Bella in my room. As I shut the door, I made sure that Edward wasn't following me. I heard muffled conversation from downstairs as Edward continued to attempt to sway Em's and Rose's minds.

Bella was sitting upright on my bed, her knees pulled into her chest and her arms wrapped around them tightly. She stared out the window into the darkness of the forest that surrounds our house.

"So is it true?" I couldn't figure out what she referred to.

"In the show?" I asked, "Is what true? We don't cry blood and we can't control people's minds, at least none of us here can."

"Do we heal?" Her voice was a little too loud. It sounded like she wanted to whisper but wouldn't allow herself the luxury.

"We really rarely get injured." I explained, more relaxed now that I saw where she was going. She was worried about being hurt. "Nothing but vampire strength and vampire teeth can damage us but, yes, if we are injured we can recover. From almost anything!" I smiled reassuringly. Bella grew even more pale.

"So if, say…" Her voice trailed off and she drew in a shaky breath. "Say a vampire was like Jessica. If she was…" another breath, "a virgin when she was turned, would she be a virgin for all eternity?"

Shit. I looked at the door, well aware that my mouth was bopping up and down like a hungry fish. No one was coming to my rescue. I looked back at Bella who was staring down the window like her life depended on it.

Shit.

"I, uh…"

Shit.

It was Bella's painful embarrassment that finally snapped me out of it. This had to be extremely difficult for her and all I was doing was making it worse.

I gently rubbed Bella's back. I wanted to help her, so I sent out some soothing waves of serenity. She finally looked at me, but said nothing. I recognized that I was out of my depths.

"Bella, do you mind if I ask Rose up here to help you?"

Bella shook her head. I heard Rose ascend the staircase and pad to the door where she knocked softly and unnecessarily.

"Come in, Rose." Bella said.

I took this opportunity to bow out gracefully. I had never thought about it. I mean, I knew that when Carlisle had found Rose, beaten and bloody, it had been very clear someone had relieved her of her virginity in the most atrocious way possible. But I had never asked Alice. It was difficult talking about the past with her—the fact that she never could remember hers paired with her attachment to the future led her to completely ignore anything that happened before the present moment. I had never thought to wonder if, once our relationship progressed to that level, I was her first. Now I regretted that. How Bella must be feeling…

I was still shaking my head when I joined Edward and Emmett in the living room in an awkward male silence.

"Rose will… um…" Emmett seemed flustered.

"I—uh—could…" Edward wasn't much better off.

"Just…yeah. I'm, uh…gonna go… out." I stood up.

"Me, too."

"Hell yes."

The three of us fairly sprinted for the door.

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**A/N:**

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	12. Limits

Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe contained therein.

**A/N**: College is catching up to me, big time. All the procrastination... Good news, though: weekends will no longer be barren when November starts. Until then, splotchy (but fairly frequent) updates must suffice.

**--Michelle Amethyst** brought up a valid point during the last chapter. I never really defined Jasper & Alice's relationship. _Risen Anew_ is intended to be a re-imagining of Bella's first day at Forks. As such, all Cullen history is cannon, including relationships.

Thanks for keeping me on my toes!

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Chapter 12: Limits

**Bella:**

Oh. My. God.

That was horrifying. Rose had done her best to calm me down, and then she had explained how she had come to be a vampire. She had been beaten and raped by her fiancé and was on the verge of death when Carlisle found her and turned her.

I was immediately and utterly ashamed. So what if I would be an eternal virgin? Though the thought still made me physically cringe and tears spring to my eyes, at least I hadn't been through something like Rosalie. How selfish was I being?

Rose had seen my chagrin and had done her best to put me at ease.

"Bella." She sighed, "You know I wasn't saying that to get you upset. I just—" She sighed, "I wanted you to know where I was coming from, I suppose. Everyone has issues, even vampires, but never having sex shouldn't really be one of them."

I knew that.

"I know. You're so right. I'm being selfish." I looked up at Rose and she looked like she wanted to strangle me.

"No, turning it around and trying to make me feel bad for you is selfish." She snarled.

I was stunned. She was right.

"I'm—" I said, but Rose cut me off.

"If you were about to say sorry a-fricking-gain…" She cracked her knuckles menacingly. It was odd to see the slender blond perform such a threatening gesture, and it snapped me out of my pity-party daze.

"You are right. No more mopey Bella. But Rose?" She looked at me warily. "I really do feel for you. You know, with what happened? You are so brave to have been able to love and trust after that." Rose smiled a sad smile.

"Thank you, Bella." She rubbed her hands together. "Now let's get your…this," she waved her hands in my general direction, "figured out. Be really quiet." She whipped out her cell phone and held down the number 3. I could hear the echo of the receiving phone click off as someone answered.

"What's up, Rose?" It was Carlisle. My eyes grew wide and I slashed my hand back and forth across my throat. No. No. No. Not Carlisle. I could feel the flush rising in my face—I was so embarrassed.

Rose put up a finger and glared at me.

"Watching TV, saw something that made me wonder: If a girl was a virgin when she became a vampire, would she be a virgin forever? Cause the girl on the show—her watchamacaller—"

"Hymen." Carlisle supplied.

I was going to die of embarrassment. I had become immortal only to die of embarrassment. Rose was waving her hand at me and I realized I was making little groaning noises. This was too much.

"Yeah, that thing. Her 'that thing' kept healing every time her boyfriend slept with her and so I was just wondering how that worked for real."

Carlisle had his detached medical voice on. The fact that he was handling Rose's question as a doctor and that he didn't know I was the one who wanted to know made me feel a lot better.

"From what I have seen, I am of the thought that a female loses her hymen when she undergoes transformation. Just like our attractiveness and our strength, sex is a potential weapon to snare our prey and the vampire body adapts to encompass this potential tool."

"So a virgin vampire would be able to have sex, no problem?"

"Completely. Why, who does Bella want to have sex with?"

I smacked my face into my hands, hard, and a loud crash emanated through the house. I was breathing too quickly and my words rushed out in a constant stream of, "Ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod…"

Rose was unfazed. Her shit-eating grin almost split her face in two. "I'm pretty sure we're just dealing with hypotheticals," she said, "at least for the moment. I don't think she actually has anyone in mind."

"Oh, alright then. Glad to be of assistance." Carlisle got off the phone, oblivious to my plight. Rose slipped the cell back into her pocket and sat next to me on the bed.

"Really, Bella. The blushing is kind of cute, but you are going to have to get over your embarrassment. Vampires so don't do shame."

I was fanning my face and trying not to focus on the fact that Rose had just discussed my virginity with her father. It was pretty difficult.

Two hours later and I was still absolutely mortified. We had quickly gone hunting (Rose had mocked my inability to drink from anything I deemed cute, a baby, or wounded) . We got back to the house and she had forced me into a chair and told me to 'stay'. I'd sat stock-still; all the while she had buzzed around me applying various products that I didn't have names for. The whole time I was dwelling on how mortifying the whole experience had been. Every male in the Cullen household was now aware of my particular…dilemma.

"I'm no Alice," Rose muttered, "but I know my make-up." She pulled a tube that I recognized as mascara from a black and white striped bag with red tissue paper. "Waterproof!" she declared, "I've never had the need to use it before. But you, my dear, get waterproof!"

My humiliation kicked up a notch.

"Rose, it's not like I'm gonna burst into tears at any moment." I pouted my lips which caused Rosalie to obsessively check my lip gloss.

"I'm just saying, and don't take this the wrong way, your history proves differently." She pulled out her phone again, and her fingers nearly disappeared over the keys as they rushed out a text message. After it sent, she dialed a number from memory and held the phone to her ear. I heard a distinguished voice on the other end say simply, "Harrods."

"This is Rosalie Hale," she said, "I will be placing an order online momentarily and I would like it delivered within the hour in the usual manner."

I heard quick keys tapping on the other end as the man drew up her account. As soon as the details appeared on his screen, I could almost hear him sit up straighter in his seat.

"Why, yes. Yes, of course. Within the hour, perfect. Let us know if there is anything else we can assist you with; anything at all."

"No, that will be all. And tell your manager that I said you provided excellent service today. Thank you."

I heard, as did Rose, the start of a loud "Whoop!" before the call was disconnected. We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"I'm normally such a bitch," Rose said, "But I am so excited that I wanted to spread the joy. That clerk is definitely getting a raise—I never compliment anything less than perfection, and nothing on this earth is perfect, so I never make compliments. But I'm breaking my rule today and its so worth it."

She jumped on the bed, kicked her feet back and forth in the air and pumped her fists, chanting, "So. Stoked. So. Stoked. So. Stoked."

I couldn't help but laugh; she was acting like a 13-year-old girl who had been asked out for the first time. "What _are_ we doing, Rose?" I had to know.

"No, no." She stopped bouncing around and shook her finger at me. "You do not get to know that easily."

She dragged me into her room and over to the large touch screen computer monitor. She quickly accessed the internet and pulled up the department store's webpage. She flicked to women's clothing, dresses, cocktail dresses. I caught a glimpse of the price range of the items she was casually browsing through and almost choked.

"Are you—you're not—we're not _buying_ any of these, right?" I stuttered. Rose laughed condescendingly.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." She shook her head, "Of course we are. We need something special to wear tonight. And if you think the cost of these dresses is ridiculous, you don't even want to know what it's taking to have them hand-delivered to the house in an hour."

She flipped through several pages before finding herself the perfect dress. I knew she would look absolutely stunning in it, like she did in everything. I bit my lip. Did that sound jealous? I conceded the point. Maybe a little. It was difficult not to envy her flawless beauty, but she had been so kind and understanding to me that I couldn't find it in myself to resent her.

"Your turn." She scooted her chair over so I could pull mine in front of the screen, "But I have veto power over anything too conservative and anything red. Red is my signature color." I could never pull of red, especially in comparison to Rosalie. As I stared at the screen, I caught my reflection in the shiny glass for the first time since Rose had done my makeup.

"My eyes!"

I ran over to the mirror. They were no longer a fluorescent red, nor were they that specific brand of Cullen gold. They had muddled into a deep golden brown, like someone had stirred amber honey into my chocolate brown eyes. I looked at myself as a whole.

My cheeks and lips were berry pink, complimenting my newly flawless skin, creamy and pale. Rose had put some light navy eyeshadow on me, and the waterproof mascara made my eyes look huge and doe-y. With Rose's make-up, I fully appreciated how beautiful I had become under my transformation.

"Let's do this." I was suddenly pumped to shop. I normally didn't like ostentatious clothing, but I wanted to see what my new body could pull off.

"How about that?" I pointed after flipping through some selections. Rose looked at what I had chosen.

"Scandalous." She said. "I like it."

She placed the order and fiddled with my hair for a while as I tried to guess, unsuccessfully, what the dresses could be for. Turns out Rose had taken cosmetology classes sometime in the early eighties (which made me nervous: The eighties were not a good time for hair) so I allowed her to turn my impromptu hack-job into a sleeker, more polished look. She stood back to admire her handy work.

"You know, the short hair suits you." She cocked her head to the side, "You have such a lovely heart-shaped face that it really works."

Too soon, my hair was finished and there was nothing to distract us from our recent purchase. We were both really excited, something Rose assured me that vampires rarely were. We wound up talking about the dresses as the minutes left in the hour before their arrival ticked down.

"I love your dress, Rose. It's like it was made for you. You are going to look flawless."

"I never would have guessed in a million years that you would have picked out something like that," Rose gushed, "My brother is absolutely going to flip when he sees you in it."

For a moment, I allowed myself the luxury of pretending Jasper found me attractive. It was a lovely day-dream, and I felt another of my perpetual blushes rising as I imagined giving myself a slow-motion entrance and putting a stunned and awed expression on his face.

"I don't know…" I shook my head as I concentrated on the reality. Jasper wasn't attracted to me. He was _married_ for God's sake.

"Trust me," Rose continued, "Edward is definitely into you."

I blanched.

"Wait, what?" I blurted.

"Edward. You know, Edward? Wait, what were _you_ talking about?"

Oh. Holy foot in mouth. I was about to babble some semblance of an excuse when the doorbell rang and my sense of smell picked up something…something familiar, delicious, and painful…something…

"Rose?" I said slowly, trying to control myself. "Is that a human?"

Rose looked absolutely stunned. "I—I totally forgot. You've been doing so well and I—I'm so sorry…"

I realized I hadn't moved. I was standing precisely and immensely still like if I moved an inch I would sprint to the door, fling it open and devour the human whole.

If I hadn't done it yet, though…

The doorbell rang again.

Rose was looking at me warily, her knees slightly bent like she was ready to pounce and tackle me to the floor.

"Answer the door, Rose."

She seemed startled by my request.

The delivery boy knocked against the ancient wood.

"Rose. I'm fine. Answer the door."

She didn't wait for me to tell her again. She flew from the room and seconds later I heard the door open. I felt in control. I wanted to see him, to see if it strengthened or weakened my control, but I was still scared stiff. I heard a rustle as money and garments exchanged hands and then, too quickly and yet too slowly, the human retreated to his car and drove away. Rose was by my side in a flash and she threw down the dresses and squashed me in a huge hug.

"You were phenomenal! I am so, so impressed! Wait until I tell everyone! This means soon we can go out to clubs, bars, movies, shops—" Rose squealed. "You were fantastic."

I blushed from the praise. "You wouldn't say that if you weren't breaking your rule today."

Rose looked confused for a moment, and then realization dawned.

"Bella." She placed her hands on either side of my face and made me look at her. "You are phenomenal. Even on a not-rule breaking day." She lightly kissed the tip of my nose and then ruffled my hair before smoothing it back down. " And even though you can be a total dummy."

"But, since I am feeling generous, I will tell you what is in store for this evening." She pulled her gown from the bag, held it up to her body and twirled dramatically.

"You," she stopped spinning and struck a pose, "are formally invited to Bella Swan's first annual rebirthday."

I could feel my jaw drop.

Oh, crap.

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	13. The Party Part 1

Disclaimer: I don not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe contained therein.

**A/N**: I have been getting through the week with the help of coffee, Mika & Girl Talk. And your lovely feedback, but o'course. I am so stoked for Halloween- my costume is going to be so baller it burns. That's right. Feel free to quote me: So baller, it burns.

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Chapter 13: The Party (Part 1)

**Jasper:**

I ran with Emmett and Edward until we were certain we wouldn't be able to hear any part of the conversation that was happening back at the house. We had gotten about 12 miles from the house before we declared ourselves safe. We stalked some small, unsatisfying prey and then climbed up the biggest trees we could find and perched at the tops.

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"I have an urge to talk about, I dunno, football. And man-sweat." Emmett shredded pine needles between his fingers as he spoke.

Edward nodded. "Even though I hate football." He said, "And…man-sweat."

Our phones all buzzed at the same time as we received text messages. Rose had apparently sent something out to all of us Cullens en mass. I flicked my phone open and read it as Em and Edward did the same.

_Party for Bella. Come back home 10, fully dressed w/ decorations. Theme: Vampires, duh. Questions? No? Good._

I finished reading a second before the other two and I looked up as they got to the end of the text.

Emmett just shook his head, used to Rose's antics. I could sense excitement from Edward although I couldn't place its source. We had been dragged through schemes like this by Alice and Rose too many times to count—each time Edward had approached them with less patience than the last. Why the sudden shift in perspective?

The only variable was Bella. My phone gave a warning groan as I unintentionally tightened my grip around the casing. Edward must have heard the direction of my thoughts, because he immediately attempted to rein in his feelings so I couldn't read him as easily as he could read me.

"So," Emmett said, oblivious to his brothers' unspoken conversation, "I suppose we need to go buy…what?" He looked at us, "Suits? Capes?"

"Both, probably." I said, "And maybe plastic teeth and fake blood?"

"Ooh! We'll need fake spiderwebs, coffins, dirt from our home country, torches, stakes…" Emmett kept up a near constant stream of conversation the whole run to the nearest shopping center. It took some time to find a place that would suit our needs: tuxes and fake rats rarely kept the same company. As we shopped, we joked around and poked fun at each other. When Emmett tried on a navy, crushed velvet, pinstriped zoot suit, Edward and I immediately encouraged him.

"Rose will be so glad that you've begun expressing yourself through fashion," Edward said, "it's one of her biggest dreams for you."

Emmett checked himself out in the mirror, flattening the suit down over his chest and straightening the cuffs.

I managed to keep a straight face as I said, "Very slick. The zoot suits always were kind to your figure."

Emmet replied in all seriousness, "I know, right?" He looked at the tag and nodded. "I'm getting it. It's on wicked sale."

Edward and I went with more traditional styles; he chose a nicely fitted suit in black, and I got one in charcoal gray. The whole experience seemed a little off, and for the longest time I couldn't place it. As I held up two ties and tried to decide between the two, I realized what it was. I hadn't gotten to choose my own clothing in a very long time. Alice had always bought clothes for me, and if I insisted on picking something out myself, she would always tell me what I was going to end up choosing before I'd even began. It was a brand new experience; picking out articles of clothing, weighing the merits before making a final decision. I was enthralled by how… human the experience felt without Alice's psychic influence.

We left the suit store with bags of clothing.

"I think Bella's rubbing off on us already." Edward said.

_I know exactly what you mean_, I thought.

Emmett looked confused. "How so?"

I looked over at him. "Don't you feel different? More…?"

Realization dawned. "Human." He finished my sentence. We walked in silence as we let the thought sink into our very beings. Between the three of us, for once Emmett was the perceptive one with the forethought to end our dwelling.

"To the COSTUME store!" he shouted abruptly. In the middle of the shopping center, he charged—bags and arms flying as he ran (a little to quickly for safety's sake) into the decoration store and over to its Halloween wing.

Emmett stopped in the midst of it all and stared up at the wall of wigs and masks and make-up.

"It's so…beautiful." I would have scoffed if I hadn't felt his earnestness. I had to admit, I was a little surprised Emmett had never been in one of these stores before. It was right up his alley.

Emmett wasted no time in grabbing a shopping cart and loading it up with anything that vaguely resembled something from vampire cannon. Spiderwebs, rats, bats, fangs, cloaks, fake blood (both cinnamon flavored and not), coffins, skeletons, goblets, smoke machines, and a disco ball. When I asked him about the disco ball he leaned over and put his hand in front of his mouth like someone would try to read his lips.

"'Cause its like us in the sun, see? Like—" He made his eyes wide and his hands did twinkle fingers as he moved them over his body. "Get it?"

The times I would kill for a camera.

I winked exaggeratedly. "I think I got it."

Emmett nodded seriously. "That's what I'm here for." He pushed the humongous load over to the cash register. The cashiers did a fairly good job not looking completely dumbfounded, although they seemed a little unnerved by how the three of us managed to carry fifteen bags at fifteen pounds each without any apparent strain.

It took a little longer than normal to run back toward the house since we had to protect the bags from hitting the trees and getting damaged. We stopped a mile or two away and changed into our new suits, capes, and fake-exaggerated teeth. Emmett went full out and doused his face and mouth with fake blood making sure his new blue suit was still pristine.

I checked my pocket watch, an old and tattered thing I had had since I was first turned. I had held onto that watch amidst my life among the newborns when I had given up almost everything else; not only everything I owned, but a large part of myself as well. It was later than I thought it was. The long trip back had consumed most of our time and it was almost ten. Soon we would be allowed back inside.

We walked back to the edge of the forest and peered up at the house. Rose and Bella were silhouetted against the window shade and they were jumping around like real teenagers. I heard some upbeat pop music blasting from our house's sound system. Bella was certainly infectious. They constantly moved out of our field of vision, but the three of us were content to wait to be summoned and to watch in the meantime.

Our phones buzzed again with a text from Rose, but she must have heard them from the house because she proceeded to shout from the window,

"Come inside and start setting up, but don't say anything that would give away the theme. Bella doesn't know."

We walked inside and the noise of the music increased tenfold. Emmett and I let the music sweep through us, and we planted skeletons and fake cockroaches around the living room as we bopped to the beat. Edward refused. His elevated musical sensibilities refused to listen to, what I had heard him refer to as, the musical equivalent of a sugar enema.

Where he had pulled that beautiful mental image from, I didn't want to know.

Emmett began mouthing the words to one of the songs he knew and gyrating his hips. I one upped him by grabbing a rubber rat and singing into it like a microphone. I kicked off my shoes and slid, _Risky Business_ style, across the hardwood floor. In no time, the decorations were up and Ed, Em, and I were waiting for the girls to declare themselves ready.

Then Carlisle and Esme walked in and I almost died.

They were in full Dracula and Elvira garb. Our meager plastic teeth paled in comparison. Carlisle rocked a deep black widow's peak and Esme had a huge pillar of hair balanced on her head. They carried even more decorations and looked at the already packed room with chagrin.

"Just add them to the mess." I smiled; the joyful mood was making me giddy. Everyone was happy and excited and the lack of negative emotions was something I had rarely experienced. I felt… high.

The thought made me giggle like a little girl. Edward cracked a smile as he read my thoughts.

"Jasper's emotionally stoned." He explained to the family. Everyone got a kick out of that, and the extra elation just increased the feeling.

We plugged in all of the electronic lights and fog machines and the room swelled with palpable excitement. An upstairs door opened and we looked up as two sets of footsteps made their way down the hall to the stairs. I had a moment of déjà vu: Had it only been a day or two ago when Bella had descended in this same manner?

Rose came down first; graceful in her acknowledgment of Bella's place of honor. Her blond hair was a tumble of curls and her deep scarlet dress fit corset style down her long torso before flaring into a classic floor-length skirt with tiers upon tiers of fabric. I could remember more conservative examples of the same kind of dress on the girls of my youth and I beamed at my beautiful sister. She stopped in the middle of the steps and the smile melted off her face as she caught a glimpse of Emmett's get up.

"Really?" She put a hand on her hip. "Really?" She looked at Edward and me. "Really, guys. Really?" Emmett looked down at himself and back at Rose.

"I look hot." He put his hands out like he was stating the obvious. Rose closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She looked back up at him and was wearing a smile that only seemed a little forced. "Of course you do, baby." She walked down to him and linked her arm with his. As she walked past Edward and me, Rosalie turned over her shoulder and glared at us.

_I blame you_, she mouthed. Her free hand pointed first at Edward, then at me. I shared a conspiratorial glance with Edward. We were in for some kind of retribution. Rose had a policy of massive retaliation; whatever she decided was a fair punishment would be amplified by a thousand. Only then would she be satisfied.

I looked back at the stairwell as Bella began her descent.

Holy…

I couldn't form a coherent thought.

I could feel the dumb-ass expression on my face but I couldn't seem to make it change. Bella was…

Bella was damn sexy. It hit me in the gut. I had had this feeling several times with relation to Bella. I had always written it off as an involuntary reaction to the innate attraction we vampires hold. I looked over at Rose. I had never had this reaction to her, though I could recognize she was gorgeous. My reaction to Bella wasn't a reaction to her vampiric beauty…

I was attracted to Bella.

The knowledge pained me. Alice had been gone for…how long? Less than a week. I knew that lust was uncontrollable and completely involuntary. I knew it wasn't a betrayal of Alice, but…

It felt like one.

I looked at Bella again. She was wearing an ivory dress one shade deeper than her skin with a high straight neckline that underlined her collarbone. The bodice was demure by any standards. But the skirt stopped mere inches below her hips and exposed miles of leg. Long, lean—

Bella stepped onto the floor and I took a step forward without thinking, perhaps to offer my hand. Edward had acted more quickly, and he offered his hand with a bowed head.

"You look lovely." He murmured.

I wanted to gag. Lovely? Was he blind? Or a eunuch? Just _lovely_?

I couldn't have been the only one who caught the brief stutter of Bella's hand as she placed hers in his. I looked up at her and made eye contact, though she quickly broke it to look back at Edward and offer him a shy smile that held only the littlest bit of reservation.

I explored Edward's feelings. There was attraction and lust and…disapproval? Of course. Edward wouldn't want his 'lady' to wear anything so revealing. High necklines, buttoned sleeves, and full skirts that hid any hint of shoe—the garb of a true lady. As he escorted her across the room, I caught a glimpse of the back of the dress.

In short, there was none. A single chain across her shoulder blades held the sleeves from slipping down. The back dipped low until the hollow of her back began to swell outward. Then, the most meager excuse for a skirt and—damn it. More leg.

I felt horrible. I resolved to call Alice as soon as the party ended.

As soon as I made the decision, my cell phone buzzed. A text message.

_We do need to talk. I look forward to it :)_

Alice. I should be excited to hear from my wife for the first time in several days. It was the longest we had ever been apart.

I didn't need to be an empath to realize all I felt was dread.

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	14. The Party Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe therein.

A/N: Add to my survival kit of Mika and Girl Talk the 'Shroom Burger from Shake Shack in NYC. Mmm. So delicious on so many levels. Again: the weekend commences tomorrow and impedes my ability to update. I will try to get something to you on Monday. If my muse isn't cooperating, I will gladly beat him (he looks like Colin Firth) into submission. Perhaps with a feather duster...

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Chapter 13: The Party (Part 2)

**Bella:**

I sneaked a look at Jasper's face as I walked down the stairs. His expression almost matched the one he had in my daydream and I thanked whatever delusion had made me pick this ridiculous dress. The short, short skirt was making me really uncomfortable, but the look on Jasper's face had been totally worth it. Joy bubbled up inside me, but when I looked back at him, he was looking at Rosalie and the same expression still marked his features. I wasn't sure what to think. His expression was exactly what I had imagined when I pictured my perfect descent earlier that evening. But then to turn and give the same look to his sister…

Is that what he thought of me as? Was I just his littlest sister? I didn't know why it bothered me so much--the thought of Jasper being a big brother to me. Emmett fit perfectly into that role like he had always been my brother and we had just been separated for 17 years. Why was Jasper different?

My cheeks flushed as I realized the truth. I was attracted to Jasper. Besides the icky creep factor of being attracted to my potential brother, it made me seriously depressed to realize that Jasper would never think of me in the same manner I was thinking of him. He was _married_.

I had a feeling I would need to keep telling myself that all night.

It's just…

He looked so absolutely adorable in his tux, and it emphasized his broad shoulders and tapered to his hips where the pants clung to him like the fabric didn't want to leave him alone…

Oh, my god.

I am SO attracted to Jasper.

I had to look at my feet to stop myself from tripping the rest of the way down the stairs. I didn't notice until I stepped onto the floor that Edward was waiting for me with his hand out to take mine, his head bowed and his eyes averted.

As I hesitated to put my hand in his, a million thoughts flew through my head. Was I comfortable around Edward yet? Honestly, no. Though I could forgive him his slip—a slip I had come so close to making—every time I saw him I remembered his thirsty eyes as he latched onto my throat and the creeping pull of my blood inching the wrong way up my veins.

I was still a little afraid of him, but I was trying as much as I could not to let it show. I could see that the rest of the family was happiest when I pretended to be fully adjusted to this lifestyle. I could almost see how the next twenty years would go: I would never want to mention my human life in case the family got upset, but I would wonder about Charlie and Renee constantly. I would allow my self to be shuffled into whatever role the Cullens decided I would portray, because it was easier to allow myself to be controlled than to assert my wants and needs. I would completely subvert myself in order to be more fully a member of this group that had existed together decades before I had even been born. And I would hate myself for it.

"You look lovely." Edward said.

My hand stopped for a half of a split second on its path to Edward's.

Rose had said that Edward was… interested in me? That made me…

Even more uncomfortable. I hadn't said five words to him since he had killed me. Can't forget that he did, in fact, _kill_ me. And now because of some romanticized notion of fate he thought he was falling for me? It was a little bizarre.

It didn't help that my desire to simply blend into the Cullen household seamlessly pushed me together with the only other unattached vampire in the household. As my hand touched Edward's I couldn't help but look over at Jasper. I had to know what he was seeing. Could he see that I wanted to have my hand held by him instead of Edward? Could he feel my attraction?

My eyes flicked over toward him and for one searing moment our eyes locked. Then nervousness overcame me and I had to look away. When I looked back at Edward, his eyebrows were raised. I gave him an embarrassed smile and he began to lead me more fully into the room.

I wished I could see Jasper's reaction to the back of my dress, or lack of back. I heard his cell phone buzz, and I wanted to see who was texting him and what his response was. Who was I trying to kid? I pretty much wanted any excuse to look at Jasper.

I looked over at Edward who was staring at me with an oddly intense expression on his face. I think I had been caught trying to sneak a peek at Jasper. I immediately looked away and caught my first glimpse of the room.

Thick sickly-sweet fog rested a foot deep in the living room and was slowly oozing down the halls and over to the dining room. Spooky black lights illuminated the room making all of our vampire skin glow a light blue. Fake creatures were planted on almost every surface and the ceiling hung heavy with spider webs replete with insects. Coffins filled with dirt and fake skeletons adorned every corner, the couches had been covered with red velvet, and ornate goblets and candlesticks rested on every flat surface.

I was so touched.

"You guys did this for me?" I could feel tears well up in my eyes and I looked at Rose. "I refuse to cry." She just shrugged at me.

"Waterproof." She said. The laughter that bubbled up inside me kept the tears down.

"Thank you every…" I couldn't finish my sentence. I had just seen Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett. Emmett looked like a zombie gangster. He had on a large blue suit and had drizzled blood out of his mouth and down his chin. Esme was wearing what I hoped was a wig. Her hair was almost Bride of Frankenstein-y, lacking only the white streaks. Her gown was pure Elvira and had a huge stiff collar. Carlisle was complete Dracula, head to toe; he had the hair, the cape, and when he spoke he affected a poor Transylvanian accent.

"Ve vanted to leyt you know how lah-ky ve feel to haff you vith ahs. So," he threw his arms and cloak wide, "a leetle party for you!"

Emmett was quick to point out which decorations he'd chosen and couldn't wait to start the activities.

"We have pin the fangs on the vampire, a rubber rat toss, and bobbing for apples although…" He looked thoughtful, "I'm not sure how difficult that's going to be since we don't actually have to breathe."

I stage whispered back, "Probably not very."

"Here," Edward said, "Come and look at—"

He planted his hand on the small of my back in order to guide me and I lost rational thought. I whirred and crouched and I could feel myself losing control.

"Don't touch me!" My voice was completely unrecognizable. It was harsh and vicious. I felt the same way I had chasing the human. I bared my teeth, and didn't feel in control of the action. I clenched my hands against my will.

His hand had pushed against the small of my back—his hand had been there on the day he… the day I was turned. And his skin on my skin…

I was freaking out and I couldn't stop it. Adrenaline surged through me and released a feral snarl as I pounced at Edward, throwing myself across the empty space, hands curled into claws ready to attack. Before I was even halfway across the space dividing us, I saw Edward get shoved out of the way by Jasper. I wouldn't have stopped even if momentum hadn't been pulling me forward. I was scared and vicious and I felt like I was watching my actions from a distance.

Jasper held his arms out to me as I slammed into him. He bore the brunt of my weight as we hit the floor. My fists and arms were flying, scratching, pulling, pounding. Jasper never hit back. He tried to gently wrap his arms around me and pull me into him. I kept struggling for freedom until my strength and fury waned. I collapsed into him and he gently rubbed the base of my neck and made cooing sounds.

Once my rationality had returned, I pulled back from Jasper's chest and noticed I had smudged makeup all along his shirt. I began to rub at it, murmuring apologies under my breath, but Jasper stopped me.

"Bella." He smiled at me, "Don't apologize for things you can't control." I weakly returned the smile and Jasper helped me to my feet.

"I—Edward." I saw that Edward was hovering halfway out of the room and seemed hesitant to reenter.

"I'm sorry for my reaction. I must still be more skittish than I realized and I honestly didn't mean to react so violently. I was…overcome." I hung my head in shame.

Carlisle popped out his fake teeth and dropped the accent. This saddened me. I felt like I had brought the party to a spectacular conclusion before it had even started.

"Bella, you have shown remarkable control and presence of mind. I suppose we all forgot that you are still a very new vampire and prone to—emotionality. I want you to realize that you have been doing a phenomenal job of transitioning. Most newborns would still be completely incoherent and dominated by thirst. Never doubt yourself, Bella."

Rose stepped forward to support Carlisle's statements. "Yeah, Bells. Just think of how well you did this afternoon with the delivery boy. You—" She must have caught the look on my face because her eyes darted toward Carlisle and panic overtook her features before she schooled them back into submission. I was fairly certain the rest of the family shouldn't know about that particular.. slip on Rose's part.

I had never thought that Carlisle could be intimidating; he was so inherently warm and caring. But the look on his face now was proving me wrong. He was staring intently at Rosalie who was trying her hardest to avoid her gaze. His jaw was clenched and a vein in his neck was thrumming with effort.

His words were glacial and overflowing with suppressed anger. "What human, Rose." It wasn't a question. Carlisle had heard enough to draw his own conclusions.

Rose seemed to think very deliberately about her next sentence. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head—how much should she reveal? What could she get away with?

"She had their dresses delivered by an express courier. He rang the bell and entered the house but Bella stayed in Rose's room and remained unaffected by his presence." Edward stated plainly.

Rose stuck her tongue out at him.

"Traitor." She hissed.

Edward shrugged and looked at me briefly before looking away.

Carlisle's anger had faded away.

"Is this true, Bella?" I wasn't sure what he was referring to.

"About the messenger? Yeah."

He shook his head.

"About his blood. Were you, as Edward said, unaffected?"

I couldn't lie.

"I wouldn't say unaffected. I wanted to attack him more than anything in the world. I was aware of his every exhalation and every beat of his heart. I didn't trust myself until I heard his car pull out of the driveway and speed down the road."

I hung my head in shame. Carlisle was right there, though, and he refused to let me get down on myself.

"Bella, for a less-than-a-week-old vampire that kind of control is unheard of. Human blood should be absolutely irresistible to you. The pull should be like gravity itself. That's what you've overcome, Bella. You've overcome gravity."

He smiled warmly at me and I could see what a great father he would be for me in the years to come. I was overwhelmed for the love I felt for my new family; people who were almost strangers to me in so many ways.

I felt the need to savor this moment with them. I wanted the past five minutes erased. I wanted to go back to the lighthearted excitement.

I spread my arms out wide.

"For my first trick, I will demonstrate remarkable vampire control. And for my second trick…" I raced over to the large poster of a toothless Dracula and snatched up a sticker set of fangs.

"For my second trick I will whoop you guys at pin the teeth on the vampire."

I closed my eyes and spun around like a dervish, but even so: when I stopped I was completely oriented. I turned ninety degrees to the right and took two steps forward. I had a vivid mental image of the poster and I could picture exactly where the teeth should be. I stuck my hand out and smoothed the sticker into place.

"How'd I do?" I asked before I opened my eyes. I expected to have nailed it. I could tell.

The Cullens burst out laughing. The teeth were smack on top of Dracula's left eyeball.

"Well done, Bell." Emmett clapped mockingly. "You sure showed us."

"Oh, yeah? Why don't you try and do better?"

"A challenge!" Emmett sprang to his feet and bowed to me. "I accept."

He grabbed a set of teeth and spun until he was a blur. He sprinted over to the poster and deliberately, methodically placed the teeth so that they dangled off Dracula's right ear like an earring. He opened his eyes.

He shrugged. "Mine's still closer." He plopped back onto the couch.

One by one each Cullen took their turn. Esme came the closest and was unanimously declared the winner. As Carlisle, Emmett and Edward went to set up the apple-bobbing equipment, bickering about the enhanced 'vampire rules' (Emmett thought we should have to retrieve two dozen apples in under a minute to compensate for our lack of breathing), Jasper spoke from right behind me.

"You are extraordinary, you know."

I turned around, startled, and was struck anew by his beauty and how close together we were.

"Yeah, well…" I mumbled, embarrassed.

Jasper looked at me for a moment and slowly pulled me into a hug. His hand pressed into my back, exactly as Edward's had, but my reaction couldn't be more different. My skin heated and my breathing shallowed. I became very aware of every single nerve ending of mine that was in contact with any part of Jasper.

His breath grazed my ear a moment before he spoke,

"Welcome to the family."

He released me and went outside to join his father and brothers. I swayed slightly and had to brace myself against the wall to maintain my balance.

I swallowed unnecessarily.

Oh god.

I was in trouble.

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**A/N: :D**


	15. Seperation

**A/N:** Eek. It's Wednesday. Sorry. So, fyi, I am planning on doing a Halloween chapter, and originally it was going to be posted on or around October 31st, but I don't want to do it so soon after the very Halloween-like party. So that will happen at some later point.

Your reviews make me so happy: every time the little mail notification pops up I scramble to check. I am going to try and respond to every review this chapter, so if you have any questions for me, let me know!

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Chapter 15: Seperation

**Jasper:**

Monday came too quickly. After the end of Bella's party which culminated with Emmett and Edward wrestling in a manner that was a little too intense to be considered playful, Esme had remined us that we needed to prepare for school the following morning.

All of us, except Bella.

I was immediately against the idea. I wasn't comfortable leaving Bella so poorly accompanied at such an early stage in her development. Esme balked at the idea that I wouldn't return to school.

"I refuse for my children to become high school dropouts. It's bad enough that we have to explain Alice's disappearance. You have all been working too hard to simply abandon your studies and live like delinquents." I could feel her resolve.

"But, Mom…" Emmet wheedled. He didn't want to go back to school, but for a different reason. He saw the opportunity to shake up the small town of Forks in the biggest way possible, without revealing ourselves. I think he had watched too many episodes of Jerry Springer and was looking to act out some of the scenarios he had seen. My theory was confirmed when he suggested that we explain Alice's disappearance by saying that she had fallen in love with Edward while prostituting herself and, in order to escape, had fled to become a nun in a Satanic cult.

"Mom…" Emmett kept whining, "It's not like we'd _really_ be dropouts. We've all graduated from high school before. Several times. Why do we always have to graduate? Wouldn't it be more fun is every once in a while we _didn't_?" He tried his best puppy dog eyes as he rested his chin on top of Mr. Rabbit's head. He flipped the bunny's ears back and forth.

"Pwease?" His attempt at baby talk should have embarrassed him.

"No." Esme had not budged an inch. "I will not have the people in this town look upon us as… as…" She sat down, pinched the bridge of her nose and sniffled. I rolled my eyes at Emmett. You didn't have to be Edward in order to read my thoughts.

_Nice going, jackass._

Emmett was instantly contrite. He sat on the arm of her chair and placed Mr. Rabbit on the floor. He stroked Esme's hair as she whimpered, on the verge of tears that would never come.

"Mom, c'mon. You know I just say stuff. I would never drop out of school because…" He looked at me for help. I shrugged my shoulders. Edward quickly mimed a finish for Em's sentence.

"…because you raised me better than that!" I had to hand it to Edward. He was pretty smooth. Esme's snuffles stopped and she turned her face toward Emmett.

"Oh, dear-heart." She cupped his face with her hands before pinching his cheek a little. "Thank you." She looked at us all.

"So no more senselessness? Everyone's going to school?" Her children all nodded demurely. I glanced over at Bella who had been radiating amusement throughout the entire exchange up until that point. Now, her arms were crossed over her chest and she was slumped against the wall like she couldn't support her own weight anymore.

I walked over, slid my arm behind her, and pulled her in front of me so she was leaned against my chest, her head propped against the hollow of my throat. I placed my hands on her shoulders and gently rubbed, digging my thumbs with varying pressure into the muscles there. I felt vibrations and realized Bella was purring. I chuckled to myself and felt, more than saw her head incline up toward mine the tiniest bit. It seemed like she stopped herself and deliberately focused on the conversation the rest of the family was having. I turned to look at everyone, but my gaze caught Edward. He was looking at me with a combination of jealousy and curiosity.

I gave him a wide, threatening smile, my wordless snarl enough to make him turn his attention from me to the conversation at hand.

"No." said Rose. "I don't agree. I think she deserves to be punished."

Carlisle sighed. "It wouldn't be a punishment, Rose. She would never know about it. It would just be your pettiness getting the better of you. Is that what you want? Would spreading slander really make you feel better?"

Rose thought about it for a few moments.

"Yes. Yes it would."

Esme pinched the her nose again.

"Are you trying to drive me to an early grave?" she asked.

Rose looked chagrined. "Well, _technically_…"

Esme shook her head vehemently.

"No. No. No!" She literally put her foot down. "Alice was accepted to an elite fashion program in New York. She couldn't refuse and is now there staying in the city with extended family." Esme glared around the room like she was daring someone to question her.

No one dared upset her again.

And so we had all gone to school without complaint this morning. Bella hadn't come downstairs to see us off, but when I looked back at the house before we drove away, I thought I saw her standing in the window, watching us leave. Of course, as soon as Edward read the thought in my head, he snapped his eyes to the rear-view mirror in an attempt to get a glimpse of her before we left.

"Keep your eyes on the road." I'd snarled at him.

I hated the look he gave me. It was knowing. What the hell did he think he knew? Smug arrogant ass.

School normally felt slow. Today, I had to upgrade it to interminable.

As I sat in French class while Madame Jones dithered on and on about _la bibliotheque_, I kept checking the clock. At one point, I swear, I checked the clock, looked back down, and when I checked again it was 42 seconds _earlier_ than the last time I'd looked.

The entire process was so draining that I didn't have enough energy to maintain my mortal human façade. When Madame asked me about the weather, she seemed rather stunned when I responded in fluent and flawless French. It might have been because words like 'barometric pressure' were slightly beyond her vocabulary in English, let alone in French. After I finished my ten minute diatribe, Madame Jones had gaped at me, along with the rest of the class. I shrugged and looked at my desk. Eventually, the butchered attempts of my classmates resumed and my brief outburst was forgotten.

At lunch time, the family gathered at our normal table. We were getting more curious looks than normal since Alice's departure was rather big news in the small town. Edward looked confused as he glanced across the tables.

"Wait…" He cocked his head like he was listening to something particular. "No one's talking about the fashion school story. They're all saying—" he cut off and snapped his head around to look at Rose and Emmet who were staring very intently at the grain of the wood laminate that covered the cafeteria tables. Their faces were the very picture of nonchalance, but their emotions were rampant with giddiness and amusement.

Edward's emotions vacillated between annoyed and resigned. I realized I was the only one left out.

"What did you guys say?" I looked at Em, but it was Rose who spoke first.

"She really did ask for it." Rose said. "And it's not like we actually did anything wrong…"

"S'true." Emmett chimed in. "Can't be our fault that Jessica Stanley is a nosy twit."

"Ouch." I said, "Jessica Stanley? You really are pissed at Alice. What did you say?"

"That Carlisle had grounded Alice because she had been going online in sketchy internet chat rooms and Alice decided to run away like a whiny, whiny bitch probably to meet her 54 year-old cyber lover." Rose said with no mercy.

My cell phone rang. I looked at the ID.

Alice.

Shit.

In all of the after-party commotion I had forgotten our plans to talk. I flipped open the phone without acknowledging the curious glances of my siblings. Edward read that it was Alice from my thoughts and whispered it to Rose and Em.

"Tell the whiny, whiny bitch I said 'Hi!'" Rose shouted loudly enough to draw several gazes from nearby tables. She turned back to Emmett and only her smirk gave away her awareness of the attention.

I walked out of the cafeteria and outside. The day was murky and overcast, and few students were populating the benches in front of the school.

"Hey, I'm sorry I forgot to call, but—" Alice cut me off.

"I knew you would." Her voice still sounded like tinkling bells. For some reason I had expected a change.

"So…" I wasn't sure what to say, and the conversation drifted into an awkward silence.

"Bella's doing well." I finally said.

"I know." Alice replied.

It was kind of difficult to carry on a conversation with someone who knew everything I was going to say.

"Her control is remarkable." Even to my own ears, I sounded distant. Kind of like Carlisle. It was weird.

"I—"

"You know, yeah." I couldn't help it when my annoyance peeked through.

"That's not what I was going to say. Try and leave the predictions to the psychic." Alice sounded like she was pissed. "What I was _going_ to say is that you guys will eventually decide that her control is an extension of her latent humanity. While human blood still appeals to her, it feels like cannibalism. She feels like its wrong, and that taints the draw of the blood." Alice paused, like she was debating to say the next part: "She'll be able to leave the house in a few weeks."

"Weeks, really? That's fantastic." It was wonderful news. I knew Bella wasn't going to be happy cooped up in the house for much longer.

"She does so well." I could hear the smile in Alice's voice.

"Fantastic." I echoed myself.

The conversation died again.

I realized that we had never been apart for a significant amount of time since we had first met. We had always shared every aspect of each other's lives. We didn't know how to relate if we weren't with each other. And if we weren't together?

We had nothing in common.

"So, do you know when you're coming back?" I asked, unsure of what I wanted her response to be.

"Not for a while." She sounded suddenly sad.

"What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Right now I'm in the north of France?" She said it like a question. "It's beautiful."

"I'll bet."

Silence once more.

"You know I'm always here for you, right?" Alice blurted suddenly.

"Of course." I said.

"And you know we'll always be friends, no matter what, right?" I locked on the word friends.

"Alice, we're just on a break, right? You're not… are you…" I couldn't seem to finish my thought. What had brought this on? What could have…?

Oh. Was it Bella? Had she seen my attraction to Bella? But it was just an attraction. It didn't mean anything. Alice had to know—

"Alice, if you saw something—You know it doesn't mean anything, right?"

I thought I heard a sob on the other line, but I must have been mistaken because when Alice spoke, her voice was as clear as ever.

"I understand." She said, "Know that I will understand."

The bell rang before I could respond and signaled the end of lunch. Kids started milling out of the building as they made their way to their next classes.

"Alice, I have to go. The bell just rang."

"Oh, that reminds me," she said, "Don't go to Zoology today. Alex Brantley is gonna slice his finger open with a scalpel."

"Oh, well, thanks for the heads up." Guess I was free for next period.

"Why don't you skip your last period class and head home to check on Bells?"

I really liked that plan. I wasn't comfortable with Bella being so alone so early. Yes, she had Esme, but Esme had a tendency to enjoy complacent silences. Bella was not really a comfortable silence kind of girl.

_Except when she's with you_.

The majority of my brain rejected this idea as ridiculous, but the smaller part wasn't going down without a fight.

_Just think about it_.

_Later_, I rationalized.

I realized I had yet to respond to Alice. I took a breath and tried to sound more collected than I felt.

"Yeah, I think I will."

There was another odd noise on Alice's end that I couldn't place.

"Well, I'll talk to you later!" Alice said, and her voice seemed too bright and too cheerful.

"Yeah, of course." I said. It was only after I'd hung up that I realized that neither of us had said 'I love you.'

I slid the phone in my pocket and made my way to the forest at a normal speed. I was too anxious to bother reporting to front desk about missing my last two periods. As soon as I hit the border of the woods, I was off. Despite the fact that my wife and I seemed incapable of maintaining a long distance relationship and despite the fact that my siblings would probably have my head for not telling them I was leaving and despite the fact that I was tied to raising a newborn for the next few months of my life, I suddenly felt lighter than I had in a long while.

Alice may be the psychic, but at that moment I knew, I just _knew_, that everything would turn out right.

I dashed through the forest with a huge smile splitting my face.

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**A/N:**  
:P


	16. Past and Future

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any right to Twilight and the universe therein.

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**A/N:** Midterms: over. Work: over (for now.) My November resolution is to have a more structured schedule which includes not flaking out about updating. Let's see how long that lasts.

Feedback over the last chapter made me so warm and fuzzy that I forgot to put on a coat in the 50 degree weather. But that's okay. I can live with that.

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**Chapter 16: Past and Future**

**Bella:**

This morning, I heard everyone getting ready to leave, joking around as they performed their daily rituals. No showers or breakfast, but there was a routine nonetheless. Even Esme played the part of the stay-at-home mom. She made sure her husband's briefcase was by the stairs and she packed her kids' backpacks with pointy #2's and a few dollars for lunch.

It was cute.

Completely unnecessary, but cute.

I didn't go down and join them. I wasn't sure what my place in the ritual was. I wasn't the provider or caretaker, but I wasn't fully one of the kids yet, either. I was looking forward to my time with Esme this afternoon. I hadn't really had a chance to connect with the woman who would be my mother for the rest of, well, eternity, and I was excited to have the opportunity.

My resolve to give the kids their space wavered when I heard the motor of the car turn over and purr to life. I dashed to the window and pulled back the curtain. I saw the car pull out of the driveway, slowly at first and then too quickly for safety. I pressed a hand to the window. The day felt daunting, somehow. I couldn't wait for everyone to return.

I squared my shoulders and walked downstairs. Esme was fussing in the kitchen, arranging a vase of yellow daisies on the windowsill. When she saw that I had finally come downstairs she joined me in the living room and picked up a pair of knitting needles which were tangled in yarn. As she began unraveling the knots she motioned for me to sit down.

I wasn't sure what to expect. All of my experiences with my friend's parents had been brief, awkward affairs, usually limited to generic greetings when I would come to pick some one up.

I had to stop thinking of Esme as my friend's parent, though. She was going to be my mother in the eyes of the outside world. I sat down hesitantly and crossed my ankles one way and then the other as I tried to work out my nerves.

"I thought, perhaps, we could spend the day getting to know each other better." Esme smiled at me and began knitting and purling what looked to be a scarf. It was flawless, of course, not a snag or pull in sight.

She continued, "We really know very little about each other, our history, our preferences, and I was hoping we could remedy that."

Her naturalness put me at ease. "Okay," I said, genuinely excited, "Should I start, or…?"

"If you'd like." She said.

So I told her about my life growing up in Forks. I told her how I barely remembered the divorce, how I had always lived with Renee and how Charlie had always been a distant man who I only saw over the summer. I told her how I had resented that my obligations to him pulled me away from my friends for three months, and pushed me into a society where I had no ties and no desire to remain. I told her how my anger had lessened as I grew up; how I had come to realize how unsatisfactory the situation was for both me and Charlie.

I told her about my friends and how I had fallen in with the 'cool' group almost accidentally. I told her how I was always waiting to fall out of the group as easily as I had fallen in. I told her how, from the outside, it looked like I had a solid network of friends to turn to when in reality I was always nervous of saying or doing the wrong thing and making them realize I wasn't as cool as they thought I was.

I told her about the first time Renee brought home Phil; how I had known that he was different from the first moment I met him, and how happy he had made my mother from their very first date. I told her about over-hearing the long discussions they would have about the future—they had wanted to get married after their third date, but they had very different goals and plans in life. Phil wanted to play baseball professionally which meant shipping off to whatever team would have him, wherever that might be. Renee had no place for a long distance marriage in her life. While she had no problem picking up and moving at the drop of a hat, she didn't want to subject me to that for the rest of my time in high school.

I told her about my personal decision to come to Forks, my self-sacrifice for my mother, whom I had always been responsible for. I told her how disappointed I was that Renee agreed so quickly, though I hadn't been surprised. I told her how Renee always saw what she wanted to see and how, when I said that I suddenly wanted to move to Forks, a place I hate, to live with my father, a man I barely knew, she believed it because it meant she would get what she wanted.

I told Esme of my quiet dread the day before school and my anxiety to fit in. I told her of the morning I spent preparing, trying to look and act just right. I told her of my ride to school and I told her how I walked up to the building.

I told her of her son's attack.

I told her of the fear and the pain, and of the eventual resignation to death. I told her of my extreme surprise and gratitude at being saved. I told her about Jasper's strength in saving me; how he overcame his own hunger as well as Edward's. I told her how the pain had overwhelmed me until I couldn't see.

I told her of the moment I opened my eyes, new to the world.

At this point I stopped. I realized I had been talking for hours; the clock said it was almost two o'clock. My mouth should have been dry, my throat cracking with overuse but I felt absolutely fine. Esme's eyes were fixed on her work, her hands flew back and forth with the needles and rows of scarf seemed to flow from her hands. I noticed her lip trembling as she tried to supress her emotion.

I immediately felt terrible. I had been so insensitive speaking about my change. It must hurt her so much to hear of Edward's indiscretion and I had been fairly…graphic.

"Esme—" I began to form an apology when she cut me off.

"Thank you, Bella." She looked up at me. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that." She reached out and placed her hand on my knee.

"Thank you for listening." I said. "I think—I think I needed that."

Esme smiled a knowing smile and we both started a little when we heard a crashing coming from the woods.

"It isn't even two…" Esme murmured, looking at the clock. "What could have happened? Edward wouldn't—" She didn't finish her sentence and her eyes darted to me nervously.

I was in nervous shock. Had Edward attacked _another_ girl? I had been told that I was a major exception to his normally impressive control. Esme was working on schooling her features back into a complacent mask, but her words had already done their job. I was nervous and on edge, waiting for whoever was about to open the door.

When it finally slammed open, and Jasper walked in, I was beyond crazed. I ran toward him and grasped his face in my hands, panicked.

"What happened? What did he do? Is everyone okay? Are _you _okay?" I tried to look him up and down, searching for any damage or any sign that everything wasn't as it was supposed to be. I ran my hands over his scalp and down his neck and shoulders feeling the areas I couldn't see for ripped clothing or sticky blood.

Jasper caught my wrists as I searched his back and pulled them around to his front. He held my hands in his and placed them on his chest, trapping them there as he gathered me in a tight hug.

"I'm fine, everything's fine. Just relax." We stayed that way for a few long moments and I realized that Jasper had completely calmed me down without using his power. His voice and his touch had been enough.

I became aware of Esme still sitting in the living room, and I pulled away. I had to struggle out of the embrace at first because Jasper didn't release his hold right away. When he did, I stumbled back a little and looked at Jasper with a question in my eyes. He seemed a little surprised with himself, but he shrugged, walked over, plopped down next to Esme.

"Why are you back so soon?" Esme asked.

"Jeez, Mom, way to make me feel welcome." Jasper grabbed a spare spool of yarn from Esme's basket and began tossing it back and forth from hand to hand, absentmindedly throwing it in higher and higher arcs. When it bounced off of the two-story ceiling, he caught it and returned it to her basket, shrugging again.

"I talked to Alice and some kid was gonna slice his fingers in ZooBot. So I cut." He had talked to Alice. My reaction was all over the place: I was angry, compacent, resigned, jealous, nervous... My reaction must have caught Jasper's attention because he looked over to where I stood, still at the door. I forced myself to calm down and focused on feeling only curiosity. That was an appropriate emotion, I decided. I must have succeeded because Jasper turned his attention back to Esme.

"What did you two do all day?" he asked.

It was Esme's turn to shrug. "We just talked, is all." She said, sounding more like a defensive teenager than a mother in that moment.

"What about?" He directed his questions to Esme instead of me, but I answered, feeling oddly left out of the conversation.

"I talked, mostly. My life story in nearly seven hours, non-stop. Really exciting times for Esme who was forced to listen." Esme waved this comment off as ridiculous, but Jasper looked fairly pissed off. I honestly couldn't think of what I had possibly said to upset him. Frankly, I was getting a little tired of his back and forth behavior.

"Esme, I had a lovely afternoon, thank you so much. I'm going outside." With a curt nod to Japser, I opened the door and walked out into the dim, overcast day. I walked over to a large rock and sat down, trying to block out the conversation I could hear Jasper and Esme having. I still wasn't comfortable with the fact that I could hear every word spoken in a 50 yard radius without even trying, and I was doing my damnedest to give everyone the privacy I wished I was getting.

I heard the front door open and close, and a minute later Jasper was standing in front of me, blocking what little sun the day gave off.

He stood in awkward silence for a few minutes before letting out a gust of air.

"Bella, I must apologize. I have been terribly rude today, and you have done nothing to deserve it."

"Damn skippy." I muttered, and I thought I saw his lips twitch in a smothered smile.

"The fact of the matter is," he took a deep breath, "I came home early to see you. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay, and I didn't feel right leaving you alone."

"I wasn't alone," I argued, "I had Esme."

"Well, yeah…" His voice trailed off.

"We had a great time." I supplied.

"Yeah, but…" he looked like he was searching for the right words, and as he thought he sat down next to me. "But I didn't like having to trust anyone but myself with your well being. I didn't like not knowing how and what you were doing. I didn't like being away from you."

"Oh." I said.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I watched the way the mottled clouds threw different depths of shadow over my skin.

"I watched you leave." I blurted.

"I know." He said.

At some point, and I'm not sure how, my head ended up propped against his shoulder. It was a long while before Jasper spoke again.

"I got upset because I was jealous that Esme knew everything about you and I didn't." He sat up straighter and I picked up my cue and lifted my head off of him. He turned to look at me. "I wanted to be the one who was there for you—there to listen and learn about you."

"I like that you want that." I said, honestly meaning it. In fact, I liked it more than I should. "And I would be happy to tell you all about myself."

Jasper smiled. "I feel bad making you go through everything again, after you just spent…what? Six hours? Six hours talking to Esme?"

I knocked my shoulder against him. "I don't mind." I said.

"Now," I rubbed my hands together like a gymnast prepping for a vault. "Where do I start?"

At that point I heard the rumble of a car turning off of the main road and onto the long, graveled driveway. Esme popped her head out of the front door and I shot to my feet like a child who had been caught feeding her dinner to the dog.

"The rest of the kids are coming back." She said.

I laughed even though nothing was funny and nodded. "Yup!" I agreed a little too loudly. I walked back to the house, chancing to look over my shoulder at Jasper only once. He looked equally amused and annoyed by my behavior as he pushed himself to his feet and followed me back.

For some reason, I didn't want everyone else to see us together, secluded as we were. What I felt for Jasper… I wasn't sure. I knew I wanted to tell him everything he wanted to know, and I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to hear his story at some point, though, when his entire family wasn't in earshot. The whole situation felt…precarious. Like it was going to topple, and it was only a matter of time and inclination that would decide which way it would go. I climbed the front steps and held the door open for Jasper, who refused to enter unless I went first. With a slight smile on my face, I sat next to Esme on the couch where she had resumed her knitting. Jasper sat down across from us. As the car pulled into the garage and the doors slammed as everyone exited, I could feel Jasper's eyes on me. The return of my new siblings felt unwelcome and intrusive. I was very much in danger of weaving myself a fantasy world where all of my unspoken wishes were very real and present. A world where Jasper and I had endless amounts of uninterrupted time.

I shook myself out of it as Edward, Rose, and Emmett entered loudly, pushing and shoving each other and making loud quips. I could feel Jasper's eyes on my face through it all and, sure enough, when I chanced a look at him, his eyes seared mine until I had to look away.

To let myself live in my fantasy world would be very dangerous indeed.


	17. Hit On

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to _Twilight_ and the universe therein.

A/N: Omg, we're back again: Nineties pop is love. I am posting this now instead of going to class. Naughty me.

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Chapter 17: Hit On

**Jasper:**

I had felt anxiety as I approached the house, so I might have wrenched the door open unnecessarily hard in my hurry to find the source of the emotion. I immediately found myself engulfed by Bella, her hands tight around me as she babbled nervously, asking me if everything was okay, if I was okay.

Then her hands were everywhere, tracing the shape of my skull through my hair, trailing down my neck, spanning my shoulders and dipping down my spine. I had to stop her hands as they got dangerously close to an area I had no business wanting her to be.

"I'm fine, everything's fine. Just relax," I said as I caught her wandering hands between us in a tight embrace. I found myself mouthing soundless calming words into her hair. As Bella relaxed and regained her senses, she tried to pull away. I found myself unable to stop the tightening of my arms. An errant and irrational thought drifted across my mind…

_She belongs with me._

The thought dazed me, my arms relaxed, and Bella stumbled free. Her confusion echoed my own. I tried to portray some semblance of normalcy as I walked to the couch and Esme.

"Why are you home so soon?"

I tried for a causal nonchalance.

"Jeez, Mom, way to make me feel welcome." I could not shake these nerves. I grabbed a spool of yarn and tried to keep my hands occupied as I tossed it higher and higher. When I threw it so high that it grazed the ceiling, I realized that conversation had completely halted and the room had become focused on my actions. I had never answered Esme's question. I told her about speaking to Alice on the phone and about Alice's premonition, and as I did so I got a punch of strong, but tangled emotions from Bella. I looked over at her, but her face gave nothing away. I felt the need to cut the tension that had spiked in the room. I struggled and managed to pull my gaze from Bella back to Esme.

"What did you two guys do all day?"

Suddenly Esme felt defensive, as if she knew her answer would upset me.

"We just talked, is all." I had never heard her sound more like a fussy teenager and less like an ancient maternal vampire.

"What about?" I leaned in toward Esme.

Bella answered.

They had talked about Bella. All about her past, who she was, where she had come from. Bella had privileged Esme with that knowledge—had trusted her enough.

More than she trusted me.

I couldn't help the anger that seeped into me. I could tell by Bella's shock and annoyance that my feelings were evident on my face. I wasn't mad at Bella, I wasn't sure I _could_ be mad at Bella. I was angry with myself for being somehow…deficient. Not enough for her. It upset me that she needed more than I could provide.

When Bella curtly excused herself (yup, definitely annoyed), I followed her outside to where she had planted herself on one of the large rocks that bordered our property and separated our yard from the encroaching woods.

"Bella, I must apologize. I have been terribly rude today, and you have done nothing to deserve it."

Bella mumbled her response, "Damn skippy." She looked at her fingers as she picked off bits of fluffy moss from the stone's surface.

I couldn't suppress all of the grin that appeared at her words. I think she noticed my mirth, because her own lips turned up in response.

Perhaps that smile forced me to say what I had had no intention of telling her. I told her that I had left school to see her sooner. I told her how I didn't like seeing her alone, and Bella was quick to defend Esme as an excellent companion.

That's not what I meant. How to make her understand?

Suddenly I was revealing my asinine and irrational fear of leaving Bella alone.

"I didn't like being away from you." I said. I waited for her response to my ridiculous confession and I suddenly felt like the years of being independent from oxygen were catching up, the air felt heavy and I struggled to pull it in.

"Oh." She said.

I had never wanted Edward's power more, although even he couldn't tackle this particular case. What was she thinking?

The silence dragged on as she stared at her bare arms intently.

"I watched you leave this morning." She said.

"I know." The brief conversation seemed to ease Bella's mind and as her emotions smoothed out, her body relaxed into the rock. We sat looking up at the darkish and wispy clouds for a while until I again felt propelled to confess.

I told her that I was jealous that Esme knew everything there was to know about Bella while I relied on information gleaned here and there. I told her that I wished I had been there for her to talk to.

I promised myself I would be there for her to talk to in the future.

"I like that you want that," she said, and I felt like someone had pumped warm sunshine into my veins, like I was sparkling on the inside and the little electric shocks were bouncing against my bones.

Bella wanted me to know all about her life. I knew it couldn't have been easy for her to talk about the first time, but she was willing to do it again. For me.

Just as Bella was about to begin, we both heard the noise of a car turning onto our long highway. The rest of the crew was back.

Esme poked her head out of the front door and Bella shot to her feet like she had a demon on her heels. Esme looked slightly chagrined, but she said,

"The rest of the kids are coming back." Bella let out a slightly panicked giggle and walked to the house, tension evident in her shoulders and back. As upset as I was about the interruption, I couldn't help but be amused by her reaction. She looked back at me only once, and I rose fluidly to my feet as she did, my eyes never leaving hers. Bella jerked her attention back in front of her. She snagged the door and held it open for me, I stared at her and gestured to the open door until she realized I would not enter until after she had. She went in, a small grin gracing her features.

I refused to avert my gaze from her, even as my siblings poured in, laughing and joking. Edward immediately looked at me as he read the dark nature of my thoughts. I had been thwarted in my mission of learning about Bella.

I was not a man who took lightly to being thwarted.

Edward felt cautious and nervous as he read my thoughts. In my periphery, I saw him shake his head slightly.

Every so often, I caught Bella's eye as she chanced a quick look at me. Whatever harsh intensity she saw there made her look away abruptly, every time. My frustration built as my family prattled on about school. As if school mattered! As if Bella cared about these people that she had never and would never meet. I found myself digging my fingernails into my palms as I balled my fingers into fists to stop my self from grabbing Bella, tying her down somewhere and forcing her to talk.

A loud clatter halted the conversation. Edward had stood up so quickly that his chair had smashed to the ground and several pieces of wood splintered off. He was crouched and shaking. If looks were lasers, I would have been decapitated where I stood.

Apparently my thoughts had been too rough with _Edward's_ Bella. I sneered even as I thought it.

_She's your Bella? Is that it? Because you made her? Broke her, ruined her, and accidentally made her? Do you really want to assert that claim? I'm sure it'll go over so well…_

Edward lunged at me, and I heard a high pitched scream before I saw a petite body throw itself in Edward's path. My world narrowed to the pale body that absorbed Edward's attack and fell to the ground, unwilling to fight back.

"Bella!" I heard an unearthly scream call her name. It sounded exactly like I felt. I didn't realize until I felt soft hands pressing under my jawbone that the shout had been mine.

"Shh…" Suddenly Bella was the one calming me down. My mind raced as I looked at the woman who sat on the floor, nursing her forearm.

Oh my god. Esme.

Before I could move, Emmett had thrown Edward through the large bay window in our living room. The glass shattered, and the struts snapped as Edward fell into the lawn. Rose was simultaneously helping the injured Esme and stopping her from trying to break up another fight.

"Are you okay?" Bella was asking me for the second time that evening.

"Yeah, he didn't even touch me."

"You're fine then?"

When I nodded the affirmative, Bella abruptly dropped her hands from my face and stormed out the front door. I followed quickly behind as she walked over to where Edward and Emmett were grappling on the ground. She stood over them as they rolled on the grass, fighting for dominance until her patience snapped.

"Enough." The words was harsh and raspy, so un-Bella, and the animalistic quality was like a punch to my gut. She should never have to sound like that, I thought, although a smaller part of my enjoyed the vicious sound coming out of innocent Bella.

Bella grabbed Emmett by the scruff of his neck and pulled him off of Edward. She look surprised for a moment as Emmett dangled from her hand like a pinata, and she turned her shocked expression to me.

"Newborn strength." I muttered. Bella seemed to take the revelation in stride. She dropped Emmett beside her and lifted Edward to his feet.

"Are you okay?' She asked him.

Edward nodded and reached a hand toward her. "Bella—" Her punch landed straight across the flat of his jaw and the quick snap of his head cut his words short. He seemed more stunned by the fact that she had hit him than the hit itself and he regained his bearings momentarily.

"What did I—?"

"How dare you attack Jasper? He is one of the few people you have looking out for you. He believed in you and risked his own neck to protect you when you attacked me. He has been nothing but patient with your seemingly endless capacity for violence. You are…" She searched for the right word, "disgusting." She fairly spat it.

Edward looked taken aback. I doubt anyone had ever spoken to him like that before.

"Bella, if you knew the things he was thinking—" She cut him off again.

"What he thinks, he keeps to himself. Thoughts do not hurt people. Your actions, however, show a complete lack of care for anyone other than yourself. Jasper has to live with the knowledge of those around him are feeling. He does not, however, use that as an excuse to act without any forethought or consideration for others. Your behavior is shameful."

With that she stormed back into the house. She made it up the stairs and into my bedroom before anyone else moved. Rose and Esme appeared at the destroyed bay window and Emmett stood up from where he had been sitting on the lawn. Edward's shame and embarrassment was overwhelming. When he saw Esme, he rushed over to her, lithely jumping through the shattered glass.

"Esme, I am so sorry." Esme hadn't even considered an apology necessary. She felt nothing but love and sympathy for her poor, lost son. I, on the other hand, felt like ripping Edward's head from his undead body, but after Bella's speech praising my control and restraint, there was no way I could give in to the urge.

Esme was soothing Edward's conscience, trying to bring back the smarmy, overconfident Edward we all knew and tolerated.

"She doesn't understand how hard it is for you." Esme whispered to Edward. "She doesn't know how much your talent puts you through, how much she is asking of you. Just give her time; she'll come around. The two of you are so much alike…"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I turned my back and went back into the house.

"Where are you going?" Edward shouted.

"To clean up your mess." I paused in the doorway, "Again."

I went upstairs and joined Bella in my room where she sat, near tears, on the bed.

She started speaking before I had even closed the door. "I have done nothing for this family except drive you guys apart." She said.

"Bella, you know that isn't true."

"Isn't it? There's no way you could have fought this much before. There's been a fight every day since I…woke up. You would have torn each other to shreds by now if it was like this normally."

"Bella, there is no 'normally' with us. Sometimes we get along effortlessly, for years even, until something makes us fight again. We have our periods of strife, just like any family." Bella quirked her right eyebrow at me and I smiled under her look of abject astonishment.

"Alright, granted, our periods of fighting tend to be more violent and longer lived than other families', but what about 'vegetarian vampires' makes you expect any kind of normal from us?"

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and groaned into my shoulder.

"Jasper." Her voice was breathy, almost a moan, and my entire body reacted to the sound. Her voice slid over my neck, down my spine, and curled around and settled somewhere deep in my stomach. I had such a guttural response to the sound; I wanted to pin Bella down to the bed and mark her as mine. This warred with the other (thankfully stronger and more sane) instinct to protect Bella from aggressors who wanted to do just that.

"Jasper," she said again, "How do you always know exactly what I need to hear?" I felt a glow of pride and an unnatural warmth in the bottom of my toes.

I wasn't used to being the strong one, the confidant one. After living most of my life (and afterlife) as an irriplaceable commander in a giant war machine, my years of helplessness with the Cullen's had really affected me. Here, I was the weak link, a liability.

Bella didn't see me like that. She saw me as strong, capable…

Maybe even heroic.

"Back at ya, Bells." Her only response was to curl her fingers deeper into my shoulders. We sat like that until Bella's breathing shifted, caught, and leveled out at a slow dragging pace.

"Bella?" I spoke as quietly as I could. "Bells?" I slowly peeled her away, using my hands to slowly lower her arms and compensate for her movement so she wasn't jostled. When she was curled in my arms in front of me, I realized what had happened.

Bella had fallen asleep.

I gently laid her on the bed and brushed her hair off of her face. As my fingers trailed over her cheekbone, she turned her face into my palm and nuzzled my hand.

"Jasper."

This time when she mumbled my name, the jolt didn't hit me in my stomach, it struck somewhere deeper, lower, more powerful. I froze, stunned by the impact her sleepy speech had on me.

Bella sighed and rolled away, curling onto her side. I felt a pull, like her distance yanked on a bungee cord that was hooked deep in my guts, and every inch she moved away from me stretched the cord and yanked on the securing hook harder.

Oh god.

I couldn't think about it, because if I thought about it, I would acknowledge it, whatever it is, or isn't—it would make it real and I couldn't handle real right now. Just ignore and move on and forget and repent—

My cell phone twitched in my pocket, and I reached for it and flipped it open on instinct, my fogged brain not registering the name on the caller ID until after my traitorous lips had already spoken.

"Hello?" I'd said.

"Hiya." The melody of her voice was as familiar to me as my own, but it was laced with a sadness I wasn't accustomed to hearing. I took a last look at Bella and fled to the hallway. I took a deep breath.

"Hi, Alice."


	18. The China Cabinet

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight & the universe therein.

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Chapter 18: The China Cabinet**  
**

**Jasper:**

My reaction to my wife's voice was not what it should be. I felt chills crawl up my spine. Not the good chills, the kind of chills that hot breath on cold skin can produce. These were the kind of chills that virgins in horror movies got and with good reason.

These chills meant bad things ahead.

"Alice—" Whatever was going to be said, I wanted it to be said quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid or pulling out a splinter.

Was I really likening talking to Alice to pulling a splinter?

"Jasper." Alice stopped me from finishing. "This will be easier if you just let me speak. Can you do that?"

I nodded, before remembering that I was on the phone. Before I could speak, though, Alice continued, having already seen our conversation in her mind.

"Good. Jasper, I know you feel things for Bella. I also know you tell yourself it's superficial and physical, but Jasper…it isn't. Or it won't be. It's not fair to Bella, yourself, or me even, for you to continue to intentionally misunderstand your feelings. Jasper- go to the china cabinet in the dining room."

I made my way to the dining room slowly and deliberately, afraid and anxious of what was coming. The dining room was never used; it remained an artifice meant to impress the human company we never seemed to have. Nevertheless, it was clean and gleaming and fresh flowers rested in the center of the heavy table. The china cabinet was part of the picture we portrayed, I don't think I had ever touched it and I couldn't remember noticing it since the day Esme bought it. It could have been part of the wallpaper for as much as it did.

As I made my way downstairs, I noticed that the rest of the family had made themselves scarce. Edward was probably hunting alone, brooding in his own self-flagellating way. Esme had probably gone to find someone who could repair a huge custom-made window on short notice. Either Rose or Emmett or both needed to go to the hospital to update Carlisle on the state of affairs at the house, although the gaping hole where a window used to be would probably be enough to make him realize that all was not as it should be. Alice spoke, jarring me from my speculation.

"Under the large serving plate."

I reached under the plate and was surprised when my fingers brushed paper. I gently slid it out from where it was hidden. The black text blurred in front of my normally perfect vision.

"All you have to do is sign." Alice said. "I already have. Just sign them and send them to the address on the note. I hired a lawyer who will file and legalize the forms, all you have to do is sign and mail."

Divorce papers. All signed and prepped and ready to go.

I felt horrible. My insides felt like they were wrestling each other for dominance, and my lower intestine was beating my stomach. I wanted to eat food just so I could have the satisfaction of throwing it up. I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry—

Because I wasn't upset.

My wife of a lifetime was divorcing me and I couldn't summon up enough feeling to care.

What was wrong with me?

"It's okay." Alice's voice was low. "Jasper, it's going to be okay. Relax."

I noticed that my hand was clutching the paper until it crumpled and crushed in my palm. I let it go before I damaged the document and it dropped to the ground. When had she planned this? Had she always had the document signed, waiting? Was a week's worth of distance all our love could withstand?

But that little voice I didn't want to hear knew it was so much more than that. So much more than a few thousand miles and a few hundred hours. So much more than an abandonment of our commitment. Something had changed, irrevocably, for better or for worse.

I chuckled bitterly at my unintentional mental irony. For better or for worse. Those words seemed so long ago.

"You know that I will always be here for you." The appropriate response would have been to shout, passionately, 'Then why are you doing this to me?' My lips wouldn't form the words my brain knew I should say, could say to make everything better. I remained silent.

"There's no pressure. I just wanted you to have them so you could… do with them what you wanted."

What did I want? What did Alice _see_ that I want? Did I want this?

For someone who dwelled in a realm of emotions, I was doing a really shitty job figuring out mine.

I realized I hadn't been paying attention to Alice. I refocused on her words:

"… alright? No matter what you decide, alright?"

"Yeah." My voice creaked and split the word into several syllables. My throat felt raw, though I wasn't thirsty, and it burned, though no venom flowed.

"Okay." Alice paused for a long time, and I wondered if she was waiting for me to say something. "I'll see you soon, 'kay? And Jasper?"

I didn't risk speaking again, my previous one word response had taken too much out of me.

"I love you." The phone clicked as Alice disconnected and the crackle of static ended. I remained where I was in the dining room, hand holding my cell phone up to my ear and legal documents on the floor beside the cabinet.

I heard Bella roll over in the bed and murmur my name. Before I could have any kind of reaction, however, she murmured Edward's, Esme's and Rosalie's names in quick succession.

I had to believe that this, this catastrophe had a meaning. If I was losing one of the best parts of my life, there had to be something better ahead.

Was that better thing Bella?

I didn't know what to do. Regardless of what I felt for Bella (though I definitely felt _something_), I had no idea what she felt for me. My attention might be as unwelcome as Edward's, though somehow I thought not.

_She didn't punch you in the face_, Selfish Jasper thought.

If I was being honest with myself, sometimes I caught glimmers of emotions from Bella, swirls of feeling which give me hope that my insane attachment might not be one sided. Selfish Jasper liked this.

But didn't I know exactly how it felt to be a newborn? More than anyone in this family? Didn't I know about the heightened emotions and the uncontrollable urges? Love and hate came as easily as lust to a newborn, everything felt new and overwhelming. I had seen the 'relationships' which developed in the Pit (our name for the holding area for newborn soldiers). I had seen the love and lust turn to anger and vengeance in days, in hours. I had learned that newborns were at essence unstable creatures. They were babies and as servant to their needs as babies.

When had I decided that Bella was different?

Was it when I'd learned of her powers? Was it then?

Was it when I'd first felt attraction toward her? Had that been the moment?

Was it when I'd acknowledged that the lust was simply a symptom of something…more?

I glanced down at the divorce papers where they lay on the hardwood floor.

I couldn't deal with this right now. I had to stop thinking and get out of my head.

I dropped my phone on the table, picked up the papers and slid them back beneath the platter they had been hidden under. I didn't want anyone finding them until I was ready to handle the situation in my own way. I rushed to the front door and almost tripped over Rose who had been sitting on the top step of the porch in complete silence. I regained my balance and stood at the base of the steps looking at her.

"How much?" I asked.

"All of it." She said. She didn't look embarrassed to be caught, though Rose was rarely embarrassed about anything.

"Leave it?" I asked, "At least for a bit?"

"Of course." She said. "Bella?"

"Asleep."

"Hunting?"

"Okay."

Talking finished, we sprinted into the woods, flying through the trees at top speeds. Rose had always been a good cover-story sister to me, usually a cover-story twin sister. From the day I had arrived at the house, we understood each other. Rose had always housed some resentment toward Edward because he had been the first man she'd met who hadn't fallen in love with her on the spot, and because she'd always been jealous of Carlisle's perceived preference of him. When she found Emmett and Carlisle found Esme, the dynamic of the family had shifted in a way that suited Rose. She was paired off and Edward was alone, Carlisle loved Esme more than he did Edward; her sense of vengeance was appeased. Being the only girl also made Rose feel special and doted upon.

When that position was threatened by Alice's arrival, Rose had pulled out some majorly bitchy moves to make certain Alice understood the hierarchy of the family. Alice had of course retaliated, and the whole thing had grown to ridiculous proportions before they both realized they were a more potent force together than separate, and they joined forces to achieve mutually beneficial ends.

Rose and I, however, had always understood each other. Rose planned and executed with a methodical precision that was almost military in form. Her brain worked like a soldier's: everything was seen in terms of gains and collateral damage. I could appreciate her motivation and execution and she could appreciate mine. I had told her on the first day I met her that she would have been a wicked asset to Maria's army. She had seen it as a compliment and we had been allies ever since.

Rose and I hunted until it grew dark. I was in no hurry to return to a house filled with people. I was even nervous to see Bella. To me, something massive had changed, a giant shift had occurred in my life and my perspective. Could I go in there and pretend I was the same person that I had been only hours ago?

I doubted it.

Rose sat on a low hanging branch, and I perched on a tree across from her.

"If you want to talk, blah blah blah…" She rolled her eyes, but I knew she was serious. Despite her many faults, Rose was a great listener.

"Not now."

"What happened?" Rose was a great listener whether or not you wanted her to be.

"Not now." I snapped. I immediately felt bad. "Please?"

Rose waved off my rudeness with one hand. "I need to know what the story is so I know what not to mention."

"Just don't mention any of it."

"So not Alice, or Bella, or divorce, or the paper in the cabinet or any combination involving Alice or Bella or divorce or—"

"Yeah, Rose. None of that."

Rose huffed out a breath that blew back the hair from her face. "Fine. Ruin my fun." I knew better than to take her seriously.

I wasn't sure if I was ready, but I knew I couldn't delay returning to the house any longer without raising suspicions.

"Shall we?" I held out my hand to Rose and she linked arms with me. We strolled back to the house, arm in arm.

When we returned, sure enough, everyone had gathered. Carlisle was back from work, Edward was self-loathing in a corner, Esme had got a few bids from contractors who kept flexible hours, Emmett was playing a video game in the living room, Bella was picking at non-existent dirt under her fingernails and everyone was pretending that this afternoon hadn't happened. The heavy mix of emotions was making me feel nauseous and I had to stop my self from running up to my room and curling in a ball on the bed.

Esme broke the silence.

"While I was in town today, Bella, I picked up some items for your new room. I didn't get anything big, though, because I want you to pick out items that you like."

Rose cast a sidelong glance at me, and I knew she was going to seize the opportunity to try and isolate Bella.

"Let's look online right now!" She grabbed Bella's and Esme's arms and fairly dragged them up to her room.

I kept my mind carefully blank, watching Emmett's video game progress and reciting pieces of the programming code used to create it. I had had lots of practice keeping Edward out of my head; it felt like second nature. The only downside was that Edward noticed my forced occupation. He looked at me from where he sat in the corner, and I could almost feel his concentration. He knew I was avoiding thinking about something and he would be trying that much harder to catch any mistake I might make.

I sat next to Emmett and picked up the spare controller. "Two player?" I asked.

"Hell yeah!" He said. Emmett usually had to beg to get someone to play with him. I let the violent game take over my consciousness. Edward's curiosity would have to wait for satisfaction. I had too much on my plate to worry about his reactions as well.

"Die hooker!" Em yelled. He held out a fist toward me while he continued to play with one hand.

I let myself get swept into the game. I would worry about the rest… when I had to.

I pounded Emmett's fist with mine.


	19. Apologized

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe therein.

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A/N: What month long absence? I don't know what you are... HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!

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Chapter 19: Apologized

**Bella:**

When I woke up, Jasper was gone. I felt directionless, like a compass if the North Pole had suddenly ceased to be. Just spinning in circles without every finding a way.

How had I become so attached? When had he become not only the sun in my sky but the earth beneath my feet? I focused on taking deep breaths. I had found that they calmed me even though they weren't necessary in the strictest (or any other) sense. I sat up, swung my feet over the edge and aimed myself toward the door. As I passed the mirror, I caught a glimpse of myself in it.

"I look a hot mess." I murmured to myself. My hair was flattened on one side where I had mashed it into the pillow, and was anything but on the other, where it had matted itself into a geometric shape yet unbeknownst to mankind. My makeup, which had looked so impeccable when I had first seen it, was now entrenched under my eyes into dark purple circles. My cheeks were flaked with dried mascara and my lipstick had been smeared onto my chin.

I was suddenly grateful that Jasper wasn't there. I cleaned myself up as best I could although my vampire vision still saw the dregs of the black gunk caked around my eyes. So used to seeing perfection when I looked at my face—not to seem self centered, but really—everything that detracted from that perfection seemed massively obvious. A quick run of my fingers through my hair and I was decent by vampire standards, still gorgeous by my old human ones.

By the time I made my way downstairs, Jasper had gone wherever he had gone. Out. Alone? Without me in any case. Which was fine, right? He had no obligation to me, wasn't plagued by the same irrational attachment I was plagued by. He couldn't be, I couldn't allow myself to think it. Because if he was somehow also affected…

But he wasn't and all the thinking in the world couldn't wish him into feeling for me as I did for him.

Downstairs, I surveyed the empty house. My complex vampire mind was nearly constantly haunted by doubts and suspicions about the future I was being forced to lead here. Even as I had a conversation, laughed, cried, slept—part of me was constantly wondering about how I would manage my new life. I had never been good at finding my place in things. I either fit in or I didn't. People either accepted me or not. I never carved a niche for myself. I wasn't good at changing minds.

"Shake it off, Bella." I had to talk myself out of this funk. I busied my hands by organizing some DVD's which remained strewn about from our vamp movie fest a few nights back. I wiped a fingerprint from the otherwise immaculate television and wandered into the kitchen where I busied myself by cleaning up the vase of flowers which were going slightly brown at the edges of the petals. I went into the garden and pulled a few blooms to replace the dying ones. The garden was starting to hibernate, the greens were growing dark and the flowers were growing scarce. I took a moment and admired the beautiful yard and forest as it transitioned from summer to fall.

I must have lost track of the time, because when I turned back to the house, I saw Esme, Carlisle and Emmett sitting around the kitchen table, talking. Esme and Carlisle pretended not to notice Emmett's attempts to balance a spoon on his nose. I smiled before I could help myself.

I had to stop worrying. Despite my anxieties about my future, there was something about the Cullens that felt right. I just needed to let the insanity run its course, and then things would be calm and smooth and effortless.

Deep breaths.

I opened the large sliding glass door that led into the kitchen and three sets of eyes lifted to meet mine. A spoon clattered onto the table.

"That. Was. WICKED!" Emmett jumped out of his chair and ran over to me and picked me up in a huge hug. "You gave him the what-for like I couldn't BELIEVE!" Esme and Carlisle were more subdued. When Emmett stopped spinning me around, I stumbled to a seat (damn my blasted human-ness) and tried to focus on the faces in front of me.

"How are you feeling?" Esme asked, like I had been experiencing temporary insanity in the moments when I had hit her son.

"Better." I answered. Well, that was the truth. Hitting Edward had made me feel much better.

"Bella, I have to say that I cannot condone violence in my household." Carlisle looked grim, and I had to avert my eyes. Staring at the grain of the table I traced with my fingers, I wished Jasper was here to sense my shame and tell Carlisle. I wasn't sure if I could accurately say how much it embarrassed me to see Carlisle like this.

"That being said," I looked up at Carlisle as he continued and was stunned to see him barely concealing a smirk, "what you said was something Edward needed to hear, and I think you really, and pardon me in advance, drove your point home."

"Get it? With your fist!" Emmett beamed.

I didn't have the heart to be sarcastic. "Yeah, Em. I got it, thanks." Maybe I could manage a teensy-little bit of sarcasm.

Emmett just laughed, taking it in stride like he always did. He grabbed my shoulder and began hauling me toward the living room, presumably to challenge me to video games or make me watch a movie that had as little plot and as much action as a video game. We stopped before we got to the sofa, heads whipping right as we heard someone approaching the front door. The gait was soft, uneven, shuffling. Emmett recognized the owner before I did.

"Seriously, dude? Seriously?" Emmett's lips pulled back in a snarl.

Edward then. I felt myself tense up and I had to take a few deep breaths before I could turn to Emmett.

"Emmett, you need to back off. I… I needed to say and do what I did to Edward yesterday, but I don't want it to be like that all the time. We need to work things out, yeah? Could you... I dunno… give us a minute?"

Emmett looked me straight in the eyes. "I will be eavesdropping on every word. Thought you should know."

"'Preciate it Em."

A few moments later and the door handle turned. Edward shuffled in, looking worse than I had woken up looking. His eyes, though light, had dark circles underneath of them. Vampires didn't need sleep, but I assumed they still needed rest. Edward looked like he had been running for hours. His hair was caked with dirt and sweat and crowned with twigs and his clothes sported more than a few tears. I felt so guilty.

"Edward?" My voice rose like I was asking a question. Pull it together.

"Edward." Better. I sat on the love seat and pulled my knees up to my chest, not taking my eyes from where he stood in the doorway. He never lifted his head, transfixed by something near his feet.

"I wanted to apologize." His head twitched like he wanted to look at me and couldn't make himself. "I was…harsh. I can't say that I take back anything I said. It's just… everyone deserves common courtesy and respect and I completely forgot my manners. I was beyond rude and I am so sorry for not giving you the respect you deserve. Can you forgive my serious breech in etiquette?"

"Bella—," despite his haggard look, his voice was still silk dragged through honey, "there is nothing for me to forgive. You were well within your rights. Would you allow me to apologize for pushing the matter to the point where it was necessary for you to take such…action for your words to be heard?"

"I forgive you if you forgive me. I think the blame is shared in this instance."

"I still say you had nothing to apologize for…"

"Humor me then?" I smirked at him.

He still refused to look at me. "Always." He shifted away from me slightly and turned toward the wall. I took it that the conversation was over. Were things right between me and Edward? Not exactly. Were they better? Yes, for now.

Em bound in from the kitchen. "Video game?" He looked so excited, I couldn't say no.

"You know what, how about you just watch for now?" he said about five minutes later after I caused him to die several times due to my ineptitude.

"You must be really lousy," Esme called from the kitchen, "He'll usually take whoever he can get to play with him."

I cringed slightly and played with my fingernails. Video games demanded a certain knack for timing and hand-eye coordination that I hadn't had in my human life and hadn't seemed to acquire in my vampire one. Everyone shifted subtly as we heard Jasper and Rosalie returning from deep in the woods. I had to stop myself from pressing my hand to my chest and checking my non-beating heart. I felt like it was racing. I became even more absorbed in picking at my nails, afraid to look at Jasper as the door opened and closed and Rose and he entered. I was afraid of what he would see on my face.

Jasper and Rose stood there for a while, the only noise coming from Emmett's game.

"While I was in town today, Bella, I picked up some items for your new room. I didn't get anything big, though, because I want you to pick out items that you like."

I could tell she only said it because the lack of speech was becoming oppressive, but it filled me with gloom anyway. I had grown attached to Jasper's room. I didn't see a reason I couldn't just stay there. It's not like he was using his bed.

I caught the direction of my thoughts. Wow. Slow down, Bella. He _had _used that bed, after all. Everynight, probably, with…

Alice.

I was interrupted from my conjecture by a steel grip on my arm. "Let's look online right now!" Rose was fairly dragging Esme and I up to her room. As we flew up the stairs and the door slammed behind us, I listened for any conversations that might be happening downstairs. It seemed to be just Emmett's video games.

Rose dragged us over to her large monitor screen, pulled up several expensive décor sites, turned the speakers to their highest setting and blasted bass-heavy hip-hop. At first I was overwhelmed until I realized the pain that usually accompanied such persistent loud noise was nowhere to be found. I recognized how ridiculously overpowering the music should be, but my vampire body could handle the decibel.

"So," Rose turned to me, "spill."

"You first." I looked at Esme as she answered and realized Rose had been speaking to her all along.

"Alice called."

"And?"

"Yeah."

Esme sighed. "Sooner or later."

My head ping-ponged between them. Were they speaking English? I couldn't understand anything they were saying.

"But don't—" Rose began.

"You promised him?"

"Yeah."

"Of course not." Esme said. Rose looked appeased.

"Now she—"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"Interesting." Rose smirked. "Does she—?"

The conversation dragged to a halt. Esme looked contemplative.

"I don't think so." Esme said. They both turned to look at me, Rose expectantly, Esme with slight concern.

Again, I found my attention bouncing between the two of them until I couldn't stand it. What was I supposed to say? I felt like an actor who had forgotten a line- they were looking at me like I had an answer they needed.

"So…furniture?" I asked. Hopefully? Anything to push the conversation along?

Both of their faces flashed disappointment for the smallest fraction of a second.

"Of course. Here, look at this lamp that I got for you—" she pulled up a wrought iron lamp that looked like leafy branches wound together. The simple ivory shade topped it perfectly.

Esme looked perfectly composed, her face the picture of graciousness. My mind couldn't help but paint in the features that my vampire memory had captured perfectly despite their brief appearance. Forehead etched with lines, lips downturned, eyes concerned. What had I done to disappoint them both?

I slowly turned my attention to Rose. She was very good at feigning interest in the matching bed that Esme had brought to the front of the screen. I could tell it was a cover, though, because every few minutes her eyes would flick in my direction, size me up, and flick back. I couldn't tell if she was plotting something or trying to intimidate me.

Probably a little of both.

"What do you think, Bella?" I sighed and turned to the computer. I couldn't worry about it any more today. I just didn't have the energy left. I was biting back a yawn as I faced the screen. It stuck in my throat and I choked for a moment on the ball of air where it had lodged.

The slender metal branches that had wound so delicately in the lamp were thickened, strengthened in the bed frame. The headboard was woven of these metal limbs and two twisted extensions jutted from the bed posts and tapered to a point, leaves cascading down the entirety of it. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching the computer screen, lightly pressing my fingers to the glass like I could reach the cool metal from here.

"Bella." Esme's voice was sharp and her fingers snapped around my wrist, holding it in place. I noticed that the colors on the screen around my finger were warped and altered from the pressure I was exerting. I pulled back my hand and Esme withdrew and the display regained its normal look.

"Oops." I looked sufficiently chagrined.

Esme smiled. "I'm just glad you like the bed because, can I be honest? I already ordered it. There was a limited stock and I just knew you would love it."

I giggled. It was a very Esme thing to do, I was beginning to realize.

"What would you have done if I hadn't liked it?"

Rose answered. "She would have waited by the driveway entrance to head off the delivery. She's had to pay off particularly persistent deliverymen in the past."

I looked at Esme agape.

She shrugged. "I wish I could say she was kidding."

I looked back at the screen where my fairytale bed sat and had to sit on my hand to keep from distressing the monitor further.

"Esme?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Thank you."

Esme's eyes got wide and her smile brought an answering one to my face.

"You are ever welcome, Bella."


	20. Metaphor

Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe therein.

A/N: You guys are fantastic. Every time a little red flag pops up in my mail alerts I squeal. My roommate is getting annoyed. PS-This chapter puts _Risen Anew_ solidly over the 50k word mark. Back patting all around for sticking with it, guys!

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Chapter 20: Metaphor

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**Jasper:**

Every five days of torture gave me two of the best days of my life. It had been an unremarkably dismal fall. The sky had been overcast without fail, I never had an excuse to skip out on my high school classes. I used to be preoccupied by the challenge of resisting the human blood. Having resisted Bella before she changed when her blood had flavored the open air… I knew nothing would ever be that difficult again. Good news, there was no longer any danger of my slipping and exposing us all. Bad news, there was no longer anything to distract me from the tedium of high school hell that imprisoned me for eight hours a day. The monotony hit me like a ton of bricks. No, even that was too dramatic, too exciting. It was more like a swamp into which my sanity slowly sank.

Even now, I could feel brain cells killing themselves off. The more Miss Moskowitz rambled about the power of the metaphor, the more I envied those suicidal cells.

"In a simile, you are saying something is _like_ something else. Juliet is _like _the sun. Like the sun, how? Is Romeo trying to say Juliet's hot?" Titters from the front row; the giddy, brown-nosing teenage girls with literary aspirations.

"No! Juliet IS the sun. She is as essential and eternal. She is light and life. She IS the sun. The power of metaphor, people!" Her purple, woolen duster whipped her ankles as she swung to the board dramatically and scratched M-E-T-A-P-H-O-R in thick jagged writing.

At least we were doing Shakespeare. Classic American Literature was the worst. Having lived through the period when the pieces we were studying had been considered Contemporary American Literature really took the sparkle out of the lasting nature of the works. I wasn't impressed with antiquity, for obvious reasons.

I sighed loudly enough to draw quick glances from several of the more easily distracted students. The guys gave me narrowed stares and looked me up and down, but most of the girls just darted their eyes in my direction for a nanosecond. Edward had once told me that there was a faction of the female population at the school—not an insignificant one either—that thought me 'brooding and mysterious'.

A smirk slipped onto my face. I wondered if they would have been as intrigued if they knew I was an apparently 17 year old divorcee.

The smirk slipped back off. I had signed the papers three weeks ago, but still hadn't told my family. I think Rose knew, but both she and I had been doing a remarkable job of keeping our thoughts sheltered from Edward. It had been easier than expected. He has been so distracted by his own problems these past weeks that he hadn't been trying very hard to pry into ours.

These past weeks…they've been heaven and hell to me. Being in school, separated from her was the purest and most refined form of torture I had ever experienced. Then the weekends? They had all been spent in family bonding—camping trips in the middle of nowhere, visits to an uninhabitable island off the freezing Washington shore—Bella filled every moment of those trips. I didn't get much alone time with her, everyone wanted an opportunity to be close to the newest family member, but those days I drank in my fill of looking at her, listening to her, and reading her emotions to carry me through the dark hours of the week. I read the play of emotions on her face, matched them to what my gift gleaned, and learned about the unique creature that was Bella.

She was confusing. More often than not, her emotions did not match what I saw on her face. Not that she was duplicitous; she was not. It seemed like she edited her emotions in order to react however she thought was proper. Her emotions themselves were often times so confused, it was no wonder her face never betrayed her heart. This…editing. It wasn't even conscious on Bella's part. There was no thought behind the habit. It seemed second nature for Bella to suppress her own feelings in deference to the situation at hand.

Like when Esme had suggested she and Bella watch a movie. Bella had been nothing but enthusiastic. But when Esme pulled out Disc 3 of Planet Earth, Bella's emotions had been a swirl of disappointment and resignation.

"Fantastic!" She had said as she smiled brightly. Esme had been completely taken in. They had watched over three hours of the series before Bella had come up with an excuse to leave. She hadn't done it to be deceitful. She had done it to humor Esme. Bella seemed to put others before herself, unfailingly.

It went against everything I had been trained to do. The army's goals were tantamount, but beyond that? Personal survival was key. Then personal gain and personal improvement and somewhere (way down the line) came the wants or needs of others. Every decision was made with the gains in mind. My self-imposed vegetarianism? Endeared me to Alice. Without her, I don't know if I would have ever thought to give up feeding on humans. Honestly? Our lifestyle was unnatural. It was a forced decision that took effort. We had to overcome our own nature.

Bella thought about her own needs dead last, if at all. I found myself both hating and loving it. How was she supposed to survive with out any survival instinct? The thought of her being hurt, getting hurt…

My hands clenched under the table and the poor number two snapped beneath the pressure of my fingers. She would not be hurt. I would not allow it.

Which brought me to the part I loved…

I could protect her. She clearly needed to be looked after. And I was exactly the vampire to do it. Were my motives entirely pure? Of course not. I loved that she needed me, even if she didn't know it. I seized every opportunity and every pretense to be near her. Even if she were to become completely self-reliant, I would find a different reason to be around her. I knew what I needed, what I wanted, and I would find any way to get it.

Bella was the poster-vamp for selflessness and I was the poster-vamp for self-centered-ness.

The bell ended Miss Moskowitz's incessant droning.

"Five page paper on the use of metaphor in Shakespeare on my desk Monday. No outside sources; MLA format." The class groaned collectively as they gathered their bags to trudge to their next classes. Lunch. Phenomenal. Where everyone else would get to talk about Bella, but where if I did, Rose would stare at me knowingly, Edward would tense up, and Emmett would leer at me like it was his job.

I shuffled my books together and threw them in the tattered backpack I had gotten for my first trip through high school. It had been a novelty then. I had enjoyed the challenge of resisting and blending in. I had even learned a thing or two.

But now? I felt more than saw several feminine gazes follow me to the door I was swiftly making my way toward. Alice had always been amused by the attention I got. She liked having what others wanted. I had never thought much about it and hadn't tried to deter or attract the admirers. But now…

What was it? I knew vampires were attractive to humans. All of us always got attention from the opposite sex and, sometimes, from the same sex. But that was superficial attraction. The less I spoke, the more the human girls seemed to flock to me. I wanted Bella to be attracted to me, but did I want it to be that superficial attachment?

As I walked to the cafeteria, the answer was overwhelming and immediate. Yes. If that was all I could get, yes. If that was what came first, yes. If that was what she wanted, yes.

Would that be enough?

As much as I wanted the answer to be yes, it wasn't. I couldn't be content with having some of Bella. I wanted all of her. And I needed her to want all of me.

I sighed and pushed all the thoughts from my head. Edward had been spectacularly unobservant lately, which had made it easier. He had been looking better, smiling more, but he had remained quiet, almost silent. At first it had been a welcome change from his usual smug grandstanding, but it had become slightly disturbing.

Edward's eyes flicked up at me for a moment, but he immediately began to pan the room, like he hadn't just looked at me.

_Is everything okay?_

His eyes didn't catch mine as he forced a smile and nodded slightly. I'm sure Rose and Em caught the gesture, but they said nothing. Out loud, at least.

Apparently Rose took it as a sign that Edward was on the mend, because she started peppering him with hushed questions.

"How are people taking our story of Alice's leaving? What are people's thoughts about us now, in general? Anyone thinking suspiciously about Swan's death?

Tactical precision.

Edward looked pained as he hissed responses at vampire speed. "Fine. Nothing out of the normal. Only Eric—" He nodded his head to the boy across the room, "—but he has romantic notions of suicide."

"He thinks she killed herself?"

Edward nodded.

"And he thinks that's romantic?"

Edward nodded.

Rose scoffed. "Idiot." I agreed. There was nothing romantic about death.

The rest of lunch was passed in the relative silence that marked most of our lunches. We shuffled around whatever food we had bought in front of ourselves. We made small talk (tantamount to silence) for the sake of those who could be watching or listening,

A million years later the bell freed me from the confines of the dimly fluorescent lit room. Two classes left. Chem and Intro to Psych.

Chem. The interplay of positive and negative, when you really got down to it. Hadn't changed for thousands of years, and wasn't likely to anytime soon. That was comforting in its way, I supposed.

Psych. Untangling the fucked-up mess that was the human brain. That was changing daily, more and more depths were scoured, newer and darker lows of the human psyche were revealed. That wasn't so comforting.

I was the first one to the car. Rose had taken to driving since Edward had become so introverted. I tapped my fingers on the roof over the back driver's side door. I drummed five distinct finger-point shaped dents into the roof before quickly smudging them out into a single rut. Edward would notice, as would Rosalie. Edward wouldn't say anything, not now, but Rose would probably lament the desecration of the machine. Loudly.

The others trickled in like refrigerated molasses. Edward approached in silence followed by Rose and Em who were holding hands and giggling in that nearly-nauseating way they sometimes did. I was in the car, buckled for safety before Rose had the keys in her hand. I closed my eyes and apologized when Rose started bitching about the dent, thinking the whole time, '_--'._ I was craning my neck to look down the road before the car had started and I was out of the car before it had slowed to a stop.

I burst into the house and found Bella hunched over a notebook. She looked up from whatever she had been writing and her eyes locked with mine. I drank my fill of her. In that moment I allowed myself to devour her. I took in her appearance from head to toe and then I closed my eyes and savored the unique and unselfish blend of emotions that Bella always felt. There was love and curiosity and the spicy quickened pulse of… excitement? Why was Bella excited?

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She reddened under my gaze, looked away, and the excitement vanished completely. In its place, embarrassment and depression and anxiety grew. I had noticed the same interplay of emotions from Bella before, and they had never ceased to throw me.

The door opened behind me and Rose, Em, and Edward entered. My moment with Bella was lost. I retreated to a seat in the kitchen from where I could observe Bella discretely. I kept tabs on her emotions while conversation sparked in the living room. The depression and anxiety merged into a thrumming resignation.

I didn't dare speak to Bella. I couldn't handle anything more than this distant watching. If I spoke, I would say everything and I would lose her. How could she understand what I was feeling when I myself didn't? I, who was supposed to be fluent in emotions.

Instead I sat removed, watching and observing, allowing myself to be warmed by her presence, my attention tracking her movement like a sunflower to light. I stored every micro-expression and word in my perfect vampire mind to be dwelt on at later date; probably in Mrs. Moskowitz's next dreary English Lit class.

I didn't need anything more than this. I was content to bask in her presence. I would just—

Fuck. This.

I stood up and the chair I had been sitting in scuffed along the floor and tipped over with a clatter. The conversation in the living room paused briefly and resumed. I couldn't do this. I couldn't continue in this way, no matter what I told myself. I ran to the living room and stopped, kneeled in front of Bella where she sat on the couch. My face was inches from hers and my eyes locked hers to mine.

"I need some alone time with Bella. Would you _mind_—" my lip rose in a snarl as I addressed the others, "—leaving us alone for a while?"

Em spoke first. "Yeah, we'll go to the kitchen and—"

My voice dropped to a growl. "Take. A. Hike."

Rose acted first, whirling and grabing Emmett as she dragged him out the front door. Edward slinked after them, a knowing smirk on his face.

Bella's breathing had hitched and her eyes were wide. With fear? I sampled her emotions. Anticipation and nerves. Interesting. I leaned back on my knees until I was sitting on the floor. Even as the distance between us grew, our eye contact did not break.

I could feel my self warmed fom the inside out, the way I always felt in her presence. I could feel myself reaching for her with every molecule of my body. I could feel how essential she was to my being, and I wondered how I could have ever survived without her.

Because Bella was the sun.

I took a deep breath.

"Hey."


	21. Three Paths Diverge

DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I lay claim to _Twilight_ or the characters therein.

A/N: I did not forget. I never forget. I just hibernated for the winter. And spring. But hey! Summer's a fun season. One-ish, two-ish more chapters, and then you're rid of me.

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Chapter 21: Three Roads Diverge

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**Jasper:**

"Hey."

If I hadn't been nervous when Jasper kicked his family out of the house, I was now. He seemed distracted and antsy and…

Human.

I don't think I liked it. I was allowed to be self-conscious and worried, but Jasper? He was my rock. He was as impassive and silent as stone, and that's how I liked it.

How should I respond? Sarcasm? Humor? Seriousness? Like I had a choice. His nervousness just took my nervousness and amped it up to an insane degree. I could feel my palms start to sweat. I swiped them on my jeans before responding.

"Hey." I didn't need vampire hearing to catch the shake in my voice. Jasper immediately stopped fidgeting and looked at me as if I had just popped up out of nowhere.

"Did I frighten you?"

What? I must have looked completely taken aback because he amended his question.

"Your emotions, you are nervous to be alone with me. When I was talking to everyone, I was—harsh. Did that… did I frighten you?"

I burst out laughing.

"No!" I said when I caught my breath. "You are one of the least intimidating people I know!" I relaxed into my seat.

"I don't know how I feel about that." Jasper said, although the smile on his face made it very clear that he didn't mind. "I'm ex-military. I think that should, at the very least, make me a little frightening?"

I tried to take the question seriously. "I suppose, to someone else that is, you could be intimidating. I mean," I tugged at the hem of my shirt and picked at a loose thread as I tried to figure out a decorous way to phrase my thoughts, "you look as though you could seriously hold your own in a fight. And like you've had to, on occasion. But you could never hurt me."

"You can't rely on your newborn strength forever, Bella—"

"You don't understand." I cut him off. "I'm not saying I could take you. I'm not saying you couldn't overpower me. I'm saying you could never hurt me. I just don't think you have it in you."

Jasper rocked back, like someone had physically shoved him. His knees slowly bent and her sank down to the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them. I must have been rubbing off on him, because it was a position I always went to when I felt like I needed to be more grounded.

"You can see that?" He said.

I pushed myself up and sat on the floor next to him. "Of course. It's in everything you do." The conversation was rapidly steering out of control. I was afraid that any encouragement would send the words I had been trying so carefully to protect bubbling out like uncorked champagne. I realized I had been leaning in to him, the intense eye contact reeling me in. I deliberately looked away and slid my hands under my butt to kill any temptation to touch.

"You're my best friend."

Even as I spoke the words, one of my damned human blushes rose on my face. The heat burned against the vampire chill and it felt like Pop Rocks and Coke were sparking against my skin. Even as my mind raced with the promise of the moment, the possibilities, Jasper growled low in his throat and clenched his fists till my sensitive hearing could detect the groan of tendons against bone.

"Best friend, Bella? I don't want to be your—" In a flash, he was up and pacing the room. "Damn it." I heard him mutter.

I was floored, unable to move from my seat. I had hoped that he had finally finished maintaining the quiet and reserved front he had built around himself. I had hoped that this conversation meant—

I had hoped this conversation meant many things, none of which I could bear to name, even to myself.

I closed my eyes. When I opened them, Jasper had resumed his curled up posture on the floor next to me, though now his eyes were fixed straight ahead.

"I'm honored you would consider me your best friend." It wasn't only the reversion to his southern civility that chilled me; the words themselves were cold and distant. The voice came from his lips, but it didn't sound anything like the Jasper I had come to know…

…and love.

I forced myself not to feel the pain. I pushed past vulnerable, hurt Bella and settled on pissed as hell Bella. I could almost see the moment when Jasper felt the outrage I had to be pulsing with.

"What the hell is that nonsense?" I was up and nearly shaking. "What is that? You barely talk to me, barely look at me for weeks! Then I try and open up to you, something you have not, I might add, _earned. _And what do I get? Cold, repressed Jasper. Well guess what? I'm over it. I'm over wondering what I've done wrong and how I could be better. I'm done thinking about you _all_ the time, against my will. I'm done caring about how you feel and tormenting myself about how I feel."

I was storming, ranting. My eyes were squeezed shut and my hands slashed through the air as I spoke. Even running blind, I remembered the room and turned instinctually before I smashed into a wall. So when I whirled about, ready to stomp back across the floor, I was stunned when I smacked into something that wouldn't budge, even under my strength. My eyes flew open and before I could take a step backward, Jasper's hands banded around my wrists and pulled them to his chest. I couldn't stop myself from spreading my fingers across his shirt.

I'm gonna be honest. I swooned a little. For once I was grateful for my clumsiness. I could pass my weakness off as klutziness.

"Say that again." Jasper's voice was back to the low growl, but this time it wasn't to intimidate. My weak knees weren't helped as the low tone resonated through me, making me buzz like a radiator.

"I'm over it?" My anger had dissipated, leaving only vulnerability. I almost rolled my eyes when I heard my voice. Breathy and insubstantial. God, pull yourself together.

"That's not what I meant." His hand brushed away a piece of hair from my face, and his fingers grazed my bottom lip. Damn it if the pop rocks weren't back, sparking the trail left by his fingers.

There was no way he was getting anything coherent out of me. Even if I had wanted to give him a straight answer, the feel of his skin grazing mine had ruled out the possibility. Besides, I was fairly certain I had said something regrettable.

"You said," Jasper slid both his hands behind my neck and leaned his forehead down to mine, "something about feelings."

"Maybe." I had pushed against the filmy barrier of our relationship. It was solidly his decision whether or not to break through or retreat. I had given more of myself than he deserved, although if I was being honest, I never gave more than I wanted him to have. That was the trouble. I wanted him to have all of me. And I was afraid he wanted none of me.

Jasper's fingers wove into the short strands at the base of my neck and lightly tugged. I looked up at him, but his eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed. He looked like he was concentrating, trying to remember song lyrics he'd forgotten or attempting to figure out a complicated puzzle that…

My hands turned to fists. "No. No. No cheating. No getting out of this by taste-testing my emotions." I shoved him away and crossed the room with angry strides. Although I still hadn't figured out how to clamp down on my feelings, as soon as I thought about Jasper feeling everything I was feeling, embarrassment usually became my overwhelming emotion. I could tell by Jasper's frustrated face that I'd foiled his attempt to read me.

He gave a half smirk. "You were the one who brought up feelings in the first place. Okay, okay." He held his hands up in surrender before I could respond. "It's just that…so,…okay—" He leaned against the wall behind him. "We are at a crossroads. Agreed?"

All right. I nodded.

"And there are three distinct paths that I see. The road I want, the road you want, and the road we take. I'm hoping that all three of these roads lead to the same place, but I'm afraid," And he looked at me. Not even at me, in to me. He looked at me like a blind man given sight. "I'm afraid that my path leads somewhere you don't want to be. And I can't bring you there if you don't want to go and the minute, the very second I step onto that path, I can't turn around. And Bella," His voice was tragedy itself, "I don't know if I could survive it."

"But you'd have Alice."

I wanted to clamp my hand over my dumb mouth. Like a bitter child who wasn't getting a toy, I'd just voiced the fear that dogged my every move. Jasper was claimed. Every day dream, every longing I had were for someone else's husband. Someone I had never met, fine. Someone who clearly didn't appreciate what she had since I hadn't seen her in all the time I'd lived here, maybe. But I wasn't the type of person who could callously and purposefully hurt another human being.

Another being, anyway.

A look of hurt crossed Jasper's face before he locked his emotions away.

"Bella, Alice and I divorced."

I shouldn't be pleased.

"We got divorced a few weeks ago."

I shouldn't be pleased.

"I think she saw how important—I think she saw us heading in different directions."

"More paths?" I asked.

"Very different, very separate paths."

"The kinds of paths that dodge and weave and always end up crossing again?"

He smiled. "Not even a little bit. Straight as arrows and pointing in opposite directions.

I shouldn't be pleased.

"So…what?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders. He was very still, except for the fingers of his right hand, which danced back and forth, tapping his thumb in a complicated rhythm that I couldn't unravel.

"So how do I choose which move is right?" he asked.

"You don't cheat." My body was thrumming with the anticipation of the moment. "You just make the move that feels right."

And then he was in front of me, holding me, pulling me closer, and then we couldn't get closer because we were together, so closely together that I wouldn't have been surprised if our lines were blurred and we twisted together like sun-starved vines, and then his hand was on my neck and then my hand was on his cheek.

And then he was kissing me.

Sometimes people talk about fireworks. They say lights explode behind your eyelids and the pulse of them rock through you and your heart beats fast and your head gets dizzy—

There were no fireworks. There were no fireworks because there was no sky. There was no sky, no earth, no sound, no light—nothing beyond his lips on my lips and everywhere we touched. There was no thought, no movement—nothing beyond our kiss.

It was everything.

And there was nothing else beyond it.

Eventually the floor returned. As he pulled away and my senses returned, so did the room and the lights and the gentle buzz of the refrigerator in the kitchen.

Jasper didn't let me get far. He tucked his head over mine and nuzzled my hair.

"That move felt right," he said.

I smiled and snuggled against his chest.

"The view from this path looks really nice." I said.

His arms tightened around me and he was spinning me and it was like a bad eighties movie and I _loved it_. He set me down and grabbed my hand and we were running, out of the house, into the woods. We eventually slowed down, and I could smell the edge of humanity and hear the sounds of the town we were close to, but they had no pull for me. Nothing could have dragged me away from his side in that moment. In fact I was so wrapped up in him and myself and _us_ that I didn't even notice where we were until I saw the tree with a person sized indent.

More precisely, an Edward Cullen sized indent.

We were in the meadow where Jasper had saved me.

I tried to pull, not necessarily away, but into myself. I tried to retreat, but Jasper wouldn't let me.

"No, listen to me." He sat down and pulled me onto his lap, cradling me so my knees were pulled up to his chest and his hands wrapped around me and his lips grazed my hair.

"I want to make new memories with you Bella. And I think that means rewriting some of the old ones. I know it's asking a lot of you, to move on, to…to forgive, but I want you to know that, for what its worth? It will probably be harder for me to move past. You've always seemed to be better at staying… clear headed about tense situations. I want you to know I'm going to try to let the past go. For you. Not for that dumb-ass self-centered—"

I had to laugh.

"Jasper! And you were doing so well."

He smirked and I just had to kiss him again. When we parted he looked at me with a promise in his eyes.

"I'm going to be good, Bella. I'm going to be good for you."

I looked at him and answered honestly.

"I know."

He laughed. "Smart-ass." He pushed me off his lap, but before I could protest, he was leaning over me, his hand leading my head to the springy grass behind me. He bent down, his elbows caged beside my head and one of his legs, thrown between mine. As his lips met mine, the world drained away again. The wind stopped, the birds stopped, the buzz of distant humanity stopped. Everything slipped away except the two of us. He pressed closer and closer, until my chest was pressed against his, then he pressed closer still.

And then his heart beat.

It only beat once, just once, but it was enough to send him staggering back, clutching his chest.

"How did you…?"

What? Me?

"'How did I,' nothing! That wasn't me. I have no idea what just happened. There is no way I was responsible for that. I couldn't have and even if I could have why would I have? I wouldn't so… yeah." The more I babbled, the more I was sure I had done it. I didn't know how, but I had a sinking feeling that Jasper was right to look at me like he was, like something slimy the teacher pulls out of a bucket in biology and hands to you with a scalpel and a pat on the back for luck.

Right before Jasper's heart beat, the focus of our kiss had become so singular I had completely stopped thinking. Right as I had lost all hold on myself, I had felt this pulse rock through me. And a second later…

One heartbeat.

Jasper was at my side, the look of shock on his face almost gone.

Almost.

"Bella, don't apologize."

I hadn't, but his words immediately prompted a stream of gushing apology.

"Shh, Bella. I'm not angry or upset. I was just startled. Really, Bella. That felt—" He struggled for words.

"Bizarre? Alien? Unwelcome? Disturbing?" I rarely struggled for words.

"Magical." I gaped at him (unattractively, I'm sure), and he was quick to kiss my disbelief away.

He pulled away and grabbed my hands.

"Bella, you are magical. In so many ways."

I was about to protest, when he shifted slightly into a ray of sunlight that was filtering through the trees. His skin shimmered and his hair refracted the light into a golden halo. He was my savior all over again, and I had a feeling he always would be.

"Jasper, you are my angel."

He held me like he'd never let me go.


	22. The Return and The End

A/N THE END! ...for now.

No, really the end.

Or is it?

Yes. It is.

* * *

**Alice:**

My vision snapped off, and I was whipped back into reality. I was no longer in the meadow, no longer watching two of the people I loved most in the world finally realizing how much they meant to each other. I was no longer hearing the still-echos of an impossible heartbeat. I was no longer home.

I was in Mexico, I was across from a rather tipsy, rather cute human boy, and I was kicking his ass at tequila pong.

"Ricky," his eyes fluttered open and met mine. A lopsided grin slid onto his face before his eyes fluttered closed again. Okay, so perhaps tipsy was the tiniest bit inaccurate. "Ricky, darling. Pull yourself together." I brought my hands up to cup his face.

"Ricky?"

I pinched at his cheeks.

"Ricky!"

I slapped him.

Nothing.

"Ugh. I am so not interested in dealing with you right now." I quickly flicked through his future, mental pictures flying past like a rolodex. I stopped when I saw Ricky safely sleeping his stupor off in his bed and smiled to myself. I helped myself to the pile of cash on the table between us, pocketing most of the wagers, but slipping a few bills into Ricky's shirt pocket. The poor darling couldn't have known that he was going in against an immortal who could only get drunk by proxy. For a moment I thought wishfully about those predatory vampires who would get humans drunk and drain them for a buzz. Not that I would ever do such a thing, but I could see the appeal.

I moved from the booth we were sitting in and joined the thin crowd at the bar. The night had just started; this wasn't the type of place most people chose to begin their evenings, though many people ended their nights here.

I slid onto a stool next to a slick looking guy who was nursing a drink with an umbrella in it. He eyed me up and down the second my daisy-duke clad behind hit the seat. Before I could catch the bartender, Greasy had angled his body toward me and slipped an arm over my shoulders.

"_Hola_, gorgeous." What was it with me and Texans? "You speak English?"

His thumb rubbed my shoulder and I could feel the heat of his clammy palms steaming through my light shirt.

"I saw you hitting the tequila pretty hard over there."

I waged mental war with myself as he took the liberty of buying me a drink. A sex on the beach? It took everything I had not to roll my eyes. The angel in me was thoroughly trumping the devil, right up until I saw him slip an unmarked white tablet into my drink. He held eye contact with me as he swirled the umbrella, stirring in the quickly dissolving drugs, shielding the glass from less observant eyes with a casually placed arm. He handed the drink to me, and my decision was made.

"Eengleesh? No…" My eyes were wide and my voice was dripping with an improvised, and somewhat over exaggerated, accent.

Greasy handed me my drink, which I downed instantly. As he watched, I let my eyes drift unfocused and my hands slide down my body. I muttered in Spanish to my self, and giggled when he placed an arm around my waist. He whispered in my ear about getting a hotel room nearby. My hand shot out and stopped him in his place.

"No," my accent had vanished, "Instead… Do you have a car?"

* * *

I left him ten miles from the border, carless and pantless. I took the car to get back to Forks. I took his pants for fun.

I could have flown back in less than half the time, but I wasn't in a hurry and it was a nice car. A really nice car. I took unpopulated roads back so I wouldn't have to worry about the sunshine.

I had plenty of other things to worry about.

I had checked my reception a dozen times. I had tried introducing myself up front. I had tried surprising her at the house. I had tried getting to know her and then revealing who I was.

Every future I tried created a distant and suspicious Bella who wouldn't trust me for years to come.

As I crossed into Forks (population 3,200- Welcome!) in the middle of the night, I had to slam on the breaks as a vision swept over me.

When it cleared, I was dangerously stalled in the middle of an intersection, though there were no other cars on the road as far as I could see. I eased off the break and continued creeping through the sleeping town. I couldn't help but look up at the sky and smile at the blessing my vision had given me.

There would be thunder tomorrow.

* * *

I watched from the trees beyond our backyard as Jasper opened the mailbox. For a moment, I was sure he could see me. I knew for certain he could smell me. Even from my considerable distance, though, I saw his lips curl as he read my note:

_There's going to be thunder tonight. Meet me at the field? Bring everyone and bring the gear. Tell Bella not to wear those shoes, and tell Esme yes, yes, and no, in that order._

He turned to go inside, not bothering to hide his excitement. I could hear his shout, "Guys! Baseball tonight…I know…Alice is back..."

I hopped down from my perch and darted away. Even the first jagged forks of lightning couldn't dampen my spirits. The future in my mind was warm and fuzzy with love. I could see so clearly Bella's trepidation melting away. I could see her understanding as she imagined a world where she hadn't become a vampire, a world without Jasper. I could hear her whisper in my ear, "Thank you," and I could feel her squeeze my hand. I must have looked an idiot, running through the woods grinning to myself, but I didn't care.

For a moment, I was jolted out of my blissful run by the scent of some strangers trailing through the woods. At first I was concerned, but my run had taken me far north of Forks, and a quick dip into the future showed the strangers—it smelled like three of them—passing by without incident. I continued (what was quickly becoming a victory lap), undaunted.

We would play baseball and we would talk and we would be best friends. We would be family. And nothing was going to change the blissful future I had planned.

I was home, I was loved, and I was staring down the future with certainty for the first time in a long time.

We were going to be happy. Which, when you've lived as much as I've lived and seen as much as I've seen, is no small achievement. But we were happy and, I'm tempted to say, we were going to be happy for a long time.

Perhaps even ever after.


End file.
